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[MBTI General] ISTP ignoring INTJ

sciski

New member
Joined
Jan 7, 2008
Messages
467
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NSFW
Enneagram
6w7
I have a female ISTP colleague at university. We had a course together and got along pretty well: same humor, went for drinks etc. The relationship between us was non-romantic, more like "female Bruce Willis" and "nerd version of Michael Corleone", so quite awesome actually.

But after the course has finished, she didn't reply to my messages anymore. When she didn't reply to my first one, I thought maybe she's busy. But now I sent a second one asking what courses she's taking next semester - no reply.

What do you think is going on?

Maybe she lost her phone?

Maybe wait a while, send a message saying 'what's up?' or something non-committal?

Or if you have a network of underground spies, you could try to find out what she's doing and whether it has anything to do with willfully ignoring you.
 

freeeekyyy

Cheeseburgers
Joined
Feb 13, 2010
Messages
1,384
MBTI Type
INTJ
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5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
The first thing you need to do is be honest with yourself. If she really was just a friend, then you're taking this a bit hard. And if she was a romantic interest for you, you need to put it to her and get her reaction rather than just expecting her to know you're interested in her.
 

Edgar

Nerd King Usurper
Joined
Oct 25, 2008
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4,266
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sx
The first thing you need to do is be honest with yourself. If she really was just a friend, then you're taking this a bit hard. And if she was a romantic interest for you, you need to put it to her and get her reaction rather than just expecting her to know you're interested in her.

Yeah but from the looks of it he's going to get shot down hard, so might as well just let it slide.
 

Colors

The Destroyer
Joined
Apr 24, 2007
Messages
1,276
MBTI Type
ISTP
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5w4
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so/sx
Yeah, basically agree with Satine/Randomnity.

1. She was okay with being friends when you were in the same course, but she's not *that* attached to you.

OR

2. She's totally flaky (I totally am too), and is distracted by something else. Personally, messages like "What's up" don't motivate me to answer ASAP. If you want to meet up: make a date, or a plan or something. In other words, something that requires a response. I don't text/email/whatever chit-chat.
 

fragrance

New member
Joined
May 25, 2010
Messages
106
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INTJ
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8
The first thing you need to do is be honest with yourself. If she really was just a friend, then you're taking this a bit hard. And if she was a romantic interest for you, you need to put it to her and get her reaction rather than just expecting her to know you're interested in her.

I think this only looks as if I'm romantically interested because the thread got so long and people keep pushing it into the "romantic" direction. It's as if people want to see a soap opera happen.
 

Bamboo

New member
Joined
Jan 28, 2009
Messages
2,689
MBTI Type
XXFP
I think all the d-bag comments you got were unfair - you seem pretty earnest. That said, the whole male female buddy thing gives rise to skepticism. Usually there is some sexual/romantic interest that goes along with that. But you seem to be asking a legit social question: why aren't they replying? It can be vexing.

An STP I know seemed to stop talking to me and I ran into her months later. I was under the impression she was ignoring me. But she seemed happy to see me (immediately approached me when she saw me) and invited me to hang out with her. There could be a lot of reasons why people act like this.

I suppose some reasons are more likely than others, but I'm not enough of a social butterfly to really have insights into what's most likely, so I tend to suspend judgement and just make peace with what is.

Whatever your motivation, maybe you'll bump into each other. But be aware of not knowing your own emotions, I think that is being projected onto this situation (fairly or not) in particular because INTJs are known for a lack of awareness in this realm.
 

Sinmara

Not Your Therapist
Joined
Nov 9, 2009
Messages
1,075
MBTI Type
INFJ
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6w5
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sp/sx
She was in a class. She knew you through the class. The class is over. Since your connection to was was the class, there is no longer any reason to talk to you. It really is just that simple.

It's like when I quit my last job. I worked there for 3 years. I was friends with some lovely people, we went out for dinners and drinks and such, but they were people I knew from work and when I quit I left them behind. It's just the thing to do.

Next time, if you want to keep the attention of an STP, try to form a connection outside of official channels because the moment that connection is gone, unless we find you absolutely fascinating, we're probably not going to keep in touch.

Also, if you're sending messages and she's not responding, do take the hint and give up. When I blatantly ignore someone and they just keep on trying to contact me, I personally start to get a little creeped out.
 

Thalassa

Permabanned
Joined
May 3, 2009
Messages
25,183
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ISFP
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6w7
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sx
I just don't understand the insistence to talk to her if he doesn't want to date her.

Is he totally in denial? I can't fathom caring that much otherwise.
 

ChocolateMoose123

New member
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Oct 4, 2008
Messages
5,278
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sx/sp
I just don't understand the insistence to talk to her if he doesn't want to date her.

Is he totally in denial? I can't fathom caring that much otherwise.

Maybe he felt safe enough to post here trying to end a nagging curiosity about someone who intrigued him and it was nothing more. Sometimes mental connections can be addicting but ultimately have no physical desire attached.
 

mrcockburn

Aquaria
Joined
Jan 3, 2010
Messages
1,896
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¥¤
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3w4
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sp/so
Oh my... see I wasn't even laughing, but smirking. And I was smirking while I was surfing the internet on my laptop, though I was smirking because, as I said, I was thinking of some funny stuff.

And it really surprised me how she interpreted my smirking as making fun of her. The reason could have been something funny on the internet as well, or because of something that was said by someone else in the group.

Why didn't the others think I was making fun of them? They probably didn't even notice I was smirking (no extraverted sensing there), but she noticed! Although I was almost out of her sight, but in full view of the others in the group.

You're way overanalyzing a simple social encounter. Lets go with the "they're huskies" theory. Throw her a boner.
 

mcmartinez84

New member
Joined
Oct 25, 2007
Messages
650
MBTI Type
ISTP
Yeah, basically agree with Satine/Randomnity.

1. She was okay with being friends when you were in the same course, but she's not *that* attached to you.

OR

2. She's totally flaky (I totally am too), and is distracted by something else. Personally, messages like "What's up" don't motivate me to answer ASAP. If you want to meet up: make a date, or a plan or something. In other words, something that requires a response. I don't text/email/whatever chit-chat.

I'm gonna go with # 2. I'm like that.

I think this only looks as if I'm romantically interested because the thread got so long and people keep pushing it into the "romantic" direction. It's as if people want to see a soap opera happen.

Hey, we all know boys and girls can't be friends...right?! :rolli:


And regarding the post about living so in the moment that you can't plan next semester... At the very least you'll know if you're in school or not. SCHOOLS plan ahead and even tho we might hate it, we have to work with them to go there.


The other explanation is that she didn't like you as much as you thought she did (platonically, of course) and since the class is over, it's a good excuse to ax the friendship. Lord knows I've used moving to new places to stop being friends with people. I'm not good at keeping in touch with people anyway. Even when we're all on FB all the time.

Weird that is sounds, I usually think people do things (or don't do them) because of me (incredibly narcissistic, eh?)...and most of the time it's something completely different. Any number of things could have happened. *shrug*

At this point, I'd wait to run into her again to test the waters. If it seems like a good idea, try to make some plans.

There are my 2 cents.
 
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