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  1. #21
    Senior Member sciski's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fragrance View Post
    I have a female ISTP colleague at university. We had a course together and got along pretty well: same humor, went for drinks etc. The relationship between us was non-romantic, more like "female Bruce Willis" and "nerd version of Michael Corleone", so quite awesome actually.

    But after the course has finished, she didn't reply to my messages anymore. When she didn't reply to my first one, I thought maybe she's busy. But now I sent a second one asking what courses she's taking next semester - no reply.

    What do you think is going on?
    Maybe she lost her phone?

    Maybe wait a while, send a message saying 'what's up?' or something non-committal?

    Or if you have a network of underground spies, you could try to find out what she's doing and whether it has anything to do with willfully ignoring you.

  2. #22
    Nerd King Usurper Edgar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orangey View Post
    Dat bitch.
    With dat ass.
    Listen to me, baby, you got to understand, you're old enough to learn the makings of a man.

  3. #23
    Cheeseburgers freeeekyyy's Avatar
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    The first thing you need to do is be honest with yourself. If she really was just a friend, then you're taking this a bit hard. And if she was a romantic interest for you, you need to put it to her and get her reaction rather than just expecting her to know you're interested in her.
    You lose.

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  4. #24
    Nerd King Usurper Edgar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by freeeekyyy View Post
    The first thing you need to do is be honest with yourself. If she really was just a friend, then you're taking this a bit hard. And if she was a romantic interest for you, you need to put it to her and get her reaction rather than just expecting her to know you're interested in her.
    Yeah but from the looks of it he's going to get shot down hard, so might as well just let it slide.
    Listen to me, baby, you got to understand, you're old enough to learn the makings of a man.

  5. #25
    The Destroyer Colors's Avatar
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    Yeah, basically agree with Satine/Randomnity.

    1. She was okay with being friends when you were in the same course, but she's not *that* attached to you.

    OR

    2. She's totally flaky (I totally am too), and is distracted by something else. Personally, messages like "What's up" don't motivate me to answer ASAP. If you want to meet up: make a date, or a plan or something. In other words, something that requires a response. I don't text/email/whatever chit-chat.

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by freeeekyyy View Post
    The first thing you need to do is be honest with yourself. If she really was just a friend, then you're taking this a bit hard. And if she was a romantic interest for you, you need to put it to her and get her reaction rather than just expecting her to know you're interested in her.
    I think this only looks as if I'm romantically interested because the thread got so long and people keep pushing it into the "romantic" direction. It's as if people want to see a soap opera happen.

  7. #27
    Senior Member Bamboo's Avatar
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    I think all the d-bag comments you got were unfair - you seem pretty earnest. That said, the whole male female buddy thing gives rise to skepticism. Usually there is some sexual/romantic interest that goes along with that. But you seem to be asking a legit social question: why aren't they replying? It can be vexing.

    An STP I know seemed to stop talking to me and I ran into her months later. I was under the impression she was ignoring me. But she seemed happy to see me (immediately approached me when she saw me) and invited me to hang out with her. There could be a lot of reasons why people act like this.

    I suppose some reasons are more likely than others, but I'm not enough of a social butterfly to really have insights into what's most likely, so I tend to suspend judgement and just make peace with what is.

    Whatever your motivation, maybe you'll bump into each other. But be aware of not knowing your own emotions, I think that is being projected onto this situation (fairly or not) in particular because INTJs are known for a lack of awareness in this realm.
    Don't know how much it'll bend til it breaks.

  8. #28
    Not Your Therapist Sinmara's Avatar
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    She was in a class. She knew you through the class. The class is over. Since your connection to was was the class, there is no longer any reason to talk to you. It really is just that simple.

    It's like when I quit my last job. I worked there for 3 years. I was friends with some lovely people, we went out for dinners and drinks and such, but they were people I knew from work and when I quit I left them behind. It's just the thing to do.

    Next time, if you want to keep the attention of an STP, try to form a connection outside of official channels because the moment that connection is gone, unless we find you absolutely fascinating, we're probably not going to keep in touch.

    Also, if you're sending messages and she's not responding, do take the hint and give up. When I blatantly ignore someone and they just keep on trying to contact me, I personally start to get a little creeped out.
    Never wrestle with a pig. You will get dirty and the pig will enjoy it.



  9. #29
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    I just don't understand the insistence to talk to her if he doesn't want to date her.

    Is he totally in denial? I can't fathom caring that much otherwise.

  10. #30
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    I just don't understand the insistence to talk to her if he doesn't want to date her.

    Is he totally in denial? I can't fathom caring that much otherwise.
    Maybe he felt safe enough to post here trying to end a nagging curiosity about someone who intrigued him and it was nothing more. Sometimes mental connections can be addicting but ultimately have no physical desire attached.
    ~luck favors the ready~


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