I have been dating a guy who is ISTP for 18 months off and on now and it seems as we get closer, more conficts arise. A lot of it is our personal circumstances - I was too busy before and didn't want to bend on some issues and we broke up for a few months. And now, a year later, he is too busy and doesn't seem willing to bend on certain issues and needs "space".
As an INTP, I thought I had it figured out from the beginning that we weren't right for each other because he was too introverted and blue collar for me. Plus, I am a church goer and he is not religious at all. But there was just something about him that I found alluring. He is so competent and capable of solving practical problems on the fly. As a woman, I find a sense of security in his mechanical capabilities in the physical world, and he rescued me so many times that I almost felt like a princess. He persued me with an interest that made me feel special and sexy and because he likes love songs and romantic movies I almost pegged him as an ISFP.
However, lately, as I have given all of myself to the relationship I have been requiring a higher level of intimacy from him and instead the intimacy has diminished. I find myself wondering what more I can do to show that I love him so that he will in turn love me more. By doing this I think I am freaking him out, because I am showing him love how I would like to be shown love. His need for space is making me more clingy which in turn is making him need more space and the cycle continues.
I feel such intense emotions and have so many insights to our relationship right now but he is not interested in discussing anything about the relationship. When I try to talk things through I get emotional and it is a one sided conversation where he is just waiting for me to stop talking. It's always the wrong time to talk. We communicate most through text. In person there is a lot of quiet, but when things are good it's a peaceful and secure quiet as two introverts, but when things are not right it is an uneasy quiet for me.
We get along mostly because I do what he is interested in like dirtbiking and tennis. He comes to church with me but really would prefer not to go.
I feel like all of a sudden he just shuts me out and turns to his other activities and pretends that I don't exist and if I'm around I'm in the way and when I say that he is being insensitive and wonder if he still loves me, he wonders where I get such an idea and that nothing is wrong. He just expects me to be ok with being ignored without a moments notice and with no notification of when I might expect him back. A simple "goodnight, I'll be doing this for a while." can go a long way.
I feel like I have compromized so much in this relationship to meet his needs but mine are not getting met and I can't seem to get him to realize that this is important, and that I'm not requiring all of his time, just some at key times.
I know that my perfect match is ENTJ and I can feel the strain of both of us being IP's because we have the same weaknesses... and we have a hard time communicating since he is an S and I am an N. He doesn't see the significance of type theory which sucks too. I'm hoping we can make this work because I do love him, and I know he loves me, even though he's going through a personal funk right now.
I've never been in this position before where I've loved somebody possibly more than they love me... and I'm in my 30's... it's scary!!!