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  1. #11
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    Those seem like good kinds of things to talk to her about then. If you want to show that you are no longer closed-off, then you have to open yourself up and say the things that are hard to say.
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  2. #12
    Senior Member IndyGhost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IZthe411 View Post
    Groundbreaking..................


    What kind of questions will she ask?
    Do I have to beg, shed tears and put on some kind of act, or will she be able to pick up on my sincerity?
    What are the No-Nos and dealbreakers?!
    i think isfp's are pretty good at picking up on genuine sincerity. don't be fake. be sincere.

    Quote Originally Posted by Randomnity View Post
    I didn't answer more specifically because nobody can, at least not these questions. If you talk to her about it you'll get a pretty good idea of what to do, if you listen.

    Unfortunately there's not really a magic formula for what to do, for any type. And rarely even any "non-nos" that aren't more or less applicable to most women (e.g. don't be a jerk or desperate)
    agreed. i may be a fellow isfp female, but i can't say that i can have the answer for all isfp females. but i will say that try opening up and being genuine about what you feel and being completely sincere may move her.

    either way, you'll never know unless you try, right? Fi can be very understanding, so long as there is indeed sincerity.

    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    If the problem was that you weren't opening up, maybe you should start by opening up.

    All of this sounds ridiculously simplistic, but apparently it's a problem for you if you've seen her but haven't spoken to her and broke up because you were being distant.
    sometimes the simple things aren't always that simple. it's okay, and i'm sure she also realizes that.
    "I don't know a perfect person.
    I only know flawed people who are still worth loving."
    -John Green

  3. #13
    Senior Member countrygirl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IZthe411 View Post
    ^ Well long story short, we have known each other a long time- and it was a continued cycle of do we want to be together or not. So the last time I asked her, really the first time I was really ready to try, she told me no, and didn't give me a good reason. Left me hanging. Then about 18 months later, she came back around, and I was guarded. I knew I liked her, but I wanted some assurance that she was in it for me, since we ended on what I saw as real awkward terms. I think she sensed that, and she was kind of tight as well. I just know I was very surface with her. I wasn't hiding anything, I just wasn't ready to really open up. I wasn't sure what I was looking for, or I thought that's what it was.

    Really there were external things happening that was affecting me- the largest of them was work. We got back together right after I changed jobs, and that was a big transition, and I didn't like my job. I didn't realize then how much that affected my attitude and outlook on things. Our relationship suffered as well. So after the break up last year it was about me- figuring out that I hated my job (really my boss), and figuring out that I have feelings (a big AHA moment), and that I had to stop being so tight, with friends, family, and all of that. Learning about the weaknesses and blindspots of my MBTI type, especially in relationships. Reconnecting spirtually and with my friends and family, all that important stuff. So by the end of the year I was a totally different person, more capable of dealing with her.
    Take her for coffee, a place where you can talk quietly and tell her all of this. Not to justify your position or actions but so that she can assess if you are really worth the effort again. Be prepared for questions if she wants to probe but don't expect an answer right away. She might need time to think things through. I also suggest that you ask just for a second chance at dating her. This will probably give her the chance and space to see if she still has deeper feelings for you. My two cents. Let us know what happens and good luck.

    Oh one more thing, she will be probing you to see how sincere is your change of heart.
    4w5

  4. #14
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by countrygirl View Post
    Take her for coffee, a place where you can talk quietly and tell her all of this. Not to justify your position or actions but so that she can assess if you are really worth the effort again. Be prepared for questions if she wants to probe but don't expect an answer right away. She might need time to think things through. I also suggest that you ask just for a second chance at dating her. This will probably give her the chance and space to see if she still has deeper feelings for you. My two cents. Let us know what happens and good luck.

    Oh one more thing, she will be probing you to see how sincere is your change of heart.
    I like that approach. I'll suggest that.

    I'll be talking to her this evening some time, I hope she says yes.

    Do you think she'll probe just to make me suffer?
    How have you handled situations where someone deeply hurt you and asked for forgiveness?
    Did it take you a long time to re-establish any closeness?
    How much did it take for that person to demonstrate they were really a changed person?

  5. #15
    Senior Member countrygirl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IZthe411 View Post
    I like that approach. I'll suggest that.

    I'll be talking to her this evening some time, I hope she says yes.

    Do you think she'll probe just to make me suffer?
    How have you handled situations where someone deeply hurt you and asked for forgiveness?
    Did it take you a long time to re-establish any closeness?
    How much did it take for that person to demonstrate they were really a changed person?
    You will not like my answer to these questions if I answer from a personal perspective. So think on this instead. If she really wants to be with you she will give you a second chance. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean that she has forgotten and wants to be with you. There could be too much water under the bridge. Closeness depend on how much either of you are willing to invest in the relationship. Demonstrations happens naturally since the old ways are gone for good. For other people see this, takes time and trust. For starters, just go slow with each other and sees what happens. You are anticipating the future and do you really know where she's at in her life? This is the purpose of dating her, to find out the answer to those questions.
    4w5

  6. #16
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IZthe411 View Post
    I'll be talking to her this evening some time
    Good luck!
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  7. #17
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by countrygirl View Post
    You will not like my answer to these questions if I answer from a personal perspective. So think on this instead. If she really wants to be with you she will give you a second chance. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean that she has forgotten and wants to be with you. There could be too much water under the bridge. Closeness depend on how much either of you are willing to invest in the relationship. Demonstrations happens naturally since the old ways are gone for good. For other people see this, takes time and trust. For starters, just go slow with each other and sees what happens. You are anticipating the future and do you really know where she's at in her life? This is the purpose of dating her, to find out the answer to those questions.
    True....I have so may feelings about this..It's not like it's an all or nothing thing. I want this to work, but am easily prepared to walk away as well. As much as I'm admitting my wrongs, my hope is she can see that she could have done better the first time herself. Ne tells me there's a lot more out there, she's only one, but I want to get this out of my system if it's not meant to be.

  8. #18
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post
    Good luck!
    Thanks.

  9. #19
    Senior Member countrygirl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IZthe411 View Post
    True....I have so may feelings about this..It's not like it's an all or nothing thing. I want this to work, but am easily prepared to walk away as well. As much as I'm admitting my wrongs, my hope is she can see that she could have done better the first time herself. Ne tells me there's a lot more out there, she's only one, but I want to get this out of my system if it's not meant to be.
    It takes two people to tangle. Good luck and let us know the outcome.
    4w5

  10. #20

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    I agree with what everyone else said. I don't really feel there is any specific isfp approach. You could draw a picture for her, or even better ask her to draw a picture for you. But yeah...good luck. Just be honest and sincere, that is the main thing.

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