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  1. #1

    Default istp's Do you want kids?

    I'm in a serious relationship with an istp. He says he wants to have kids some day but I don't . I have one already and I couldn't go through all the dirty nappies and being under house arrest for another 18 years. It really sucks cos he is the love of my life. I'm screwed either way. If I let him go to start a family of his own I know I will be in pieces and I know for a fact that I will miss him for the rest of my life but if I have a kid with him I would only be doing it for him and the thoughts of my freedom being taken away from me terrifies me. I got pregnant in my early twenties so I had to sacrifice all those years. The only thing that kept me going in all that time was the thoughts of being free to do what I want in my thirties. I can't just turn around now at this stage when my kid is almost grown and be back to square one with a helpless baby at my beck and call.

    I suppose what I'm hoping for is that he will change his mind. Sometimes people say they want something but when they get it they realise it isn't actually what they want at all. How likely do you think that could be the case? As an istp how badly do you want kids? On a scale of 1 to 10?

  2. #2
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    My brother is an ISTP and he wants no kids at all. His Darwinian mindset is that we are all like "cockroaches that got away" (that is, away from the environmental threats of extinction) - so he continually sees himself under threat. He does not walk from place to place, he "scurries" like a cockroach escaping the boot that would smash it. Why bring a kid into a world where he can only survive and not truly prosper?

    Your ISTP seems weird to me.
    The MBTI types me as an INFP, however, SOCIONICS calls me an Logical Intuitive Extram (called an ENTj in our terms.)

  3. #3
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    My Dad is a ISTP and just loves kids (because he is kind of a big kid himself ). He was born to be a father and kids just gravitate to him because of his fun, silly and approachable manner. Apparently, (and I was rather shocked to find this out) my ISFJ Mum wasn't really keen on having kids and basically decided to have me for my Dad's sake. Anyway, she turned out to be extremely maternal to the point that she became a stay-at home mum for many years - in fact, she's probably the most maternal people I've ever met.

    ISTPs can have difficulty clearly expressing when want things. It can be hard to distinguish between the things they really want and the things they could go either way about because they're just so easy-going. Sometimes you really have to prod them to get a clear answer. You have to say outright, "What if I said I didn't want kids? Would you still want to stay together if I didn't?". Don't ask loaded questions (eg. "You don't really have to have kids do you?") because ISTPs will sometimes just agree to avoid an argument, even though they don't mean it.
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  4. #4
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    It's unlikely for him to change his mind about it if he's in thirties or so as you imply. He might be satisfied with getting involved with other people's kids, he might not. I don't think this is relevant to being istp in any way. Since you have a child already (teens?), maybe getting involved in his/her life will be enough for him.....maybe not. He's the one who'll know that the best.

    I'm a 9-10 on the scale (but not for minimum 5 years and probably longer, until I'm in a suitable situation). You need to know where he is on the scale right now because I think it's unlikely to change much.
    -end of thread-

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    I don't think whether you want kids or not is characterized by your type, it all depends on whether you are ready and mature enough to deal with it. That's really the bottom line.

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    Self sustaining supernova Zoom's Avatar
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    Personally I'm a -3 or so.

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    +1 on Jixmixfix' comment.
    I'm not really keen on having kids myself, but I'm sure I wouldn't suck as a father if my wife and I had an "accident". It's just a matter of adjusting to a different situation, and that's something ISTPs should be pretty good at, if I'm allowed to generalize a bit.

  8. #8

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    Thanks for the replies everyone. I told him that I definately don't want any more kids and I'm waiting back on an answer. With him it could take a while though so I'll just have to be patient. I don't think he knows what he wants. He said he wants kids some day, which is far off into the future or could also mean he hasn't given it any real consideration before now. He's great with my kid and I know he'd make a great dad but I know he wouldn't enjoy having his freedom taken away from him either. He was giving out about the dog being alot of work the other day just because he woke him up one morning to let him go outside to do his business. If he thinks a dog is alot of work, how would he cope with a baby? I'm not sure it would really suit his lifestyle, he's trying to become a professional poker player, he sleeps all day and is up all night. Is he going to want to suddenly change all that when he turns 40? I just don't know. He doesn't want any right now anyway, that is for sure, he's definately not ready so maybe I should just chill out and wait and see what happens. As someone here said everyone is different and it's probably not type related so I'm just wasting my time here obsessing, looking for answers where there are none.

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    Senior Member countrygirl's Avatar
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    My ISTP husband has always wanted kids since his teen years. I, on the other hand, was not sure until I realized that if I married him, kids were in my future. We have three.
    4w5

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    hmm... Well, it does kind of vary...

    Yeah, many ISTP's I know do tend to view humanity as an "infestation" that got out of control. But the question of whether or not they want to?

    One of my ISTP friends was talking about wanting kids, before they got married. How he'd like to be as a dad. He's got three now, and they either run, wobble or crawl to the door feeling excited when their dad gets home. He's a very active and attentive parent.

    Me I never really wanted any, even though I'm very good with kids. Especially teenagers...which I'm kind of pinch hitting, for one of my sister's kids. More mentor/parent figure vs. uncle. It's been rewarding just to spend time with him,
    chat about whatever he wants to talk about going on in his life. His grades have
    "gone through the roof." Cracks me up to think about a sixteen year old, that
    actually wants to talk and hang out with an adult.

    I have a female cousin, we were born a week apart. They always called us the "twins." Oddly, neither one of us ever wanted to have kids. Neither one of us did. At this stage of the game, I'm pretty ding dang sure not going too.

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