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  1. #31
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    So I answer a question. Have no problem stating my side, saying it like I see it, and get crap for it. Settle down , you read to far into things.

    Stress and fear are two different things, looks like you think they are the same. Do you think an athlete does not sense stress, even if they are on top of their game going for the title? Does an engineer not feel stress at the end of a time-line, even if it will be a great accomplishment in the end? I know this from personal experience. Was it fearful? No.

    Really dont see why both of you want to jump someones back if their wants are not the same as yours. Just because I dont want children, does not mean its from fear. I like my free time. To do what I want, when I want. If anything its greed for my time. Children consume spare time, they should, if you intend to bring them up right. The amount of $ for college ect stresses out many people with kids. I hear about it at work. Want them to succeed ?- some type of post high-school education is needed, thats not free.

    My use of the word 'chill' describes ISTP's need for time off by themselves to recharge. This is not a choice, its a need for most.

    Most of ISTP's I know, even with good marriages, do not desire children. This does not mean they don't like children.

    As far as over population, this is a cold, true fact that many are afraid to acknowledge. There are starving children, they need to be taken care of. The Earth is our mother and we need to take care of it to - the big picture.

    So please, before you go 'labeling' people that you dont know based on a few words, open your mind a little more, they might look at things different than you, and you might not understand their point of view. For the record, I have accomplished a lot in my life, some of which others are fearful of trying. You dont know this, I and others around me do.

    So hopefully you two will just leave this and think before putting others down again. Remember its easy to assume things without truly knowing someone.

  2. #32
    Klingon Warrior Princess Patches's Avatar
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    I'm not an ISTP, but I know my ISTP brother claims he does not ever want children. He's not even remotely interested in getting married anytime soon (He's 26). He's enjoying the bachelor life.

    My mother is not happy, because she wants grandchildren eventually, and neither he or I have any interest in having children...
    “Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside
    them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.” -Neil Gaiman

    ~

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by countrygirl View Post
    I agree that raising children is stressful but as I have discovered for myself, it's because of my own fears about raising them. As for my ISTP husband, having space and three children is about finding balance. When the children are young (6/7 years old and under) we felt that they came first and we both sacrificed our space for them. Me more so and only because I'm the primary caregiver (somebody has to work to pay the bills).

    Given the choice, my ISTP husband decided that he wanted 3 children when he was a teenager. He also is a 'realist' and understands that the world is overpopulated or so he keeps telling me. ;D

    That being said, it is better to know yourself and decide whether or not you want children before you have them so my hats off to you for your stance in life.

    Well said. And no name calling. To many people don't know if they want kids before they do this.

  4. #34
    Senior Member countrygirl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by _Poki_ View Post
    Yes, that balance is hard to find and is what I struggle with the most. My son is extremely attached to me at my hips, actually literally as he is always hanging on my arm, or my leg, or sitting on my foot and he is 6. He is becoming much better these days at helping me balance that space and having his own play time and "us" time. The more stressful life becomes the more space I need or the more irritable I become. I never did decide on how many children I wanted, I just knew one day that I wanted children. Our first one was a miscarriage pretty early on and my wife didnt even know how hard I took it until a year or so later because I had to be the strong one, be the positive one. We stopped at one because financially we couldnt achieve our goals with more then one. The childcare alone was about $1000 a month for the first six months. Things went downhill and the last couple years I wasnt confident enough in our relationship and how things went with the first to have another. More is not out of the question though.
    I was not sure about having kids but I knew that if I married him, kids were in the picture and I have not regretted it. I get stressed because of my fears although they are two different things and my stress can get worse simply because I don't get any space and 'me time'. The balance we have now is not perfect but works for us most of the time. Tooltime is absolutely correct that the more children you have the less space and me time you have.

    It sounds like your child primary love language is touch and really craves it from you.
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  5. #35
    Senior Member countrygirl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Patches View Post
    I'm not an ISTP, but I know my ISTP brother claims he does not ever want children. He's not even remotely interested in getting married anytime soon (He's 26). He's enjoying the bachelor life.

    My mother is not happy, because she wants grandchildren eventually, and neither he or I have any interest in having children...
    My INFP sister does not want children and she realized this when she was 9 years old! The reason being that she feels that she can not raise them better than how we were treated which was my fear. Since I understand where she is coming from, I can totally respect those, for whatever reason, not to have children.

    My ISTP husband didn't want children without a partner in his life. If he didn't get maried, he would not have had children. He would have grieved not having this experience but would eventually settle into a life of bachlorhood.

    Just remind your brother (and yourself), when your mom puts on the pressure, that it is not his (or your) responsible to live up to her expectations. And besides, if you're young, you or your brother may change your mind.
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  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by tooltime View Post
    Stress and fear are two different things, looks like you think they are the same. Do you think an athlete does not sense stress, even if they are on top of their game going for the title? Does an engineer not feel stress at the end of a time-line, even if it will be a great accomplishment in the end? I know this from personal experience. Was it fearful? No.
    Sure, the Engineer feels stress, but the term 'stress' does not tell us much. What are the stressors? The fact is, fear is a stressor. Let's say the Engineer's greatest fear is failure; therefore, the Engineer's greatest stressor is most likely fear.

  7. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by perfectgirl View Post
    Sure, the Engineer feels stress, but the term 'stress' does not tell us much. What are the stressors? The fact is, fear is a stressor. Let's say the Engineer's greatest fear is failure; therefore, the Engineer's greatest stressor is fear.
    Alot of stress is driven by fear. Fear of losing your job, hitting a deadline, letting someone down. Sometimes you have to manage the fear, sometimes you have to manage the stress. Depends on the situation. I always wanted to be an engineer until I worked with them, then I realized I prefer to be a mechanic/technician. Requires the same skillset, the same knowledge, the same understanding, but its applied differently.

  8. #38
    Senior Member countrygirl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tooltime View Post
    Well said. And no name calling. To many people don't know if they want kids before they do this.
    You know, my husband has a friend, the mother wanted him and so got pregnant even tho the dad didn't want another child. And the dad eventually told his kids this. All I can think about this situation is that both parent only thought about themselves and not the child they brought into the world. He's alright and basicly a good guy but suffers from low-esteem, married a women with a poor character (now divorced) and raised two children himself (she didn't want anything to do with them). And the world turns....
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  9. #39
    Klingon Warrior Princess Patches's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by perfectgirl View Post
    This sounds like my situation and exactly what I tell my family. I am in no hurry to get married and have kids. Fear does play a factor. What I say and what I think are two different things though. I tell my parents I don't care about having kids out of frustration because I feel they're pressuring me to do things I'm not ready for. Eventually, I do want to get married and have kids. I'm not ready now.
    Honestly, thats why I worded it the way I did. That he CLAIMS he does not want children. I could see him changing his mind when he's older to settle down have children in his mid-to-late 30's, and having a lot of fun with it. And I think he would be a good dad. He's very good with our cousins and other little kids and loves playing with them.
    “Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside
    them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.” -Neil Gaiman

    ~

  10. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by tooltime View Post
    Its funny. Like you said, you realy dont get it. ISTP's look at what others call 'fear', in the eye,.........with ease. We dont have fear, we have likes and dislikes. Not knowing what you like or dislike is what some like you, perceive as fear.

    Extremes sports gurus, entrepreneur ect, many are ISTP's, fearless types. As far as creators (engineers, craftsmen , trades) they are both ISTP's and INTP's. Deep inside, were always one step ahead too.

    I appreciate a good smart ass comment, but obviously your afraid of ISTPs. You react and point like an adolescent, trying to make a scene because your afraid of the unknown, unable to see through it, like many brats I guess.

    This original thread was not for your childish amusement. Someone just wanted some info. I guess that's beyond some peoples comprehensive abilities.

    So tell us, what did your 'dirty uncle' do to you that makes you so negative to others?
    I don't think you should be calling anyone an adolescent after this speech.

    Of course ISTPs feel fear. We're human, for god's sake, not robots.

    And the hostility here is completely uncalled for and ridiculous. No trolling plz.
    -end of thread-

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