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Thread: istp subtlety.

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    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    Default istp subtlety.

    so funny.

    i was asking my (female) istp friend how to tell this guy that i have a boyfriend without scaring him away from being my friend. below are her lessons to keep me from blurting out:

    "i can tell you are taking a liking to my magnetic personality, and who can really blame you? but before you start saving up for a ring, i should tell you that i have a boyfriend."

    she keeps me in line... what can i say.

    ok, pupil. take note: (assuming you have casual facebook chat sessions, but these would also be effective via text)

    on the topic of new years:

    new male: so are you going to be in town for the holidays and stuff? my friend is throwing a sick party for new year's....

    you: oh, nice. yeah, i'm not sure yet. my boyfriend has friends coming into town so we are kind of at their mercy. i'm trying to push for a bar crawl or something.

    on the topic of what you did last weekend:

    new male: tell me tales of your debaucherous weekend.

    you: it was great... i think i'm still hung over. the bf had to work the whole weekend so i got to clock some girl time with some college friends. we stumbled onto this one bar that had an open bar promotion going. lucky us.

    on your favorite tv show:

    you: to be honest, i don't watch a whole lot of tv. if the boyfriend or the roommates are watching something, i might give it a shot but none of the stuff they've tried to get me to watch are really that interesting.

    you see, you can casually drop the "B" word into just about any conversation without slapping him in the face. this way - the istp way - is a polite, non-presumptuous way of slipping him a favor, really. because nothing is worse than an attempted kiss that you have to deflect. (for him. for you and i, it would be hilarious entertainment for weeks.) i'd throw one of these into conversation and maybe the "F" word for good measure on a separate occasion: "you know, i am really glad you sought me out because it is so hard to meet new people in this city and i could really use a few good FRIENDS who like to hang out and party."

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    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    All of those sound fine. I vastly prefer this method over saying "I have a boyfriend" either randomly or in response to "wanna hang out?". The first one about the ring is a little blatant for my liking. I'd be afraid they thought I was being a little egotistical, even with the joke to distract. You're still "letting him down" when he might not have been interested at all!

    I do have a hard time thinking of when to slip in the word about him without sounding like it's intentional. Those look good, though.
    -end of thread-

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    just be like "I have a boyfriend but your a really cool guy I want to be friends".

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    Senior Member Bamboo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jixmixfix View Post
    just be like "I have a boyfriend but your a really cool guy I want to be friends".
    I think this one is the best. Just say it. The only caveat is: clarify "friends." Because of the prevalence of the "just be friends" talk, clarify that you actually, legitimately, would like to have him as a friend.
    Don't know how much it'll bend til it breaks.

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    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    ^^but you would say that only if he was asking you out, not just randomly, right?

    I think it's weird/awkward/presumptuous to say it unless he's actually asking you out - and sometimes it's ambiguous whether it's a date.
    -end of thread-

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    Senior Member Bamboo's Avatar
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    Well ok, yes, only if you get the perception of romantic interest.

    That said, if he's inviting you to parties and is asking about you a lot, he's probably interested in you. Sure, I can think of a bunch of ways this isn't true, but I can think of more ways it is.


    I don't have many female friends but most the girls who have invited me to hang out at "sick parties" (or variations of) whom I just recently have met turned out to be romantic interests. Really, I can't think of any exceptions to this pattern. (Although not a huge sample size, so not statistically valid...just anecdotal).

    I just get a flirty vibe from what was written, even though it wasn't actual correspondence.
    Don't know how much it'll bend til it breaks.

  7. #7
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post

    you see, you can casually drop the "B" word into just about any conversation without slapping him in the face. this way - the istp way - is a polite, non-presumptuous way of slipping him a favor, really. because nothing is worse than an attempted kiss that you have to deflect. (for him. for you and i, it would be hilarious entertainment for weeks.) i'd throw one of these into conversation and maybe the "F" word for good measure on a separate occasion: "you know, i am really glad you sought me out because it is so hard to meet new people in this city and i could really use a few good FRIENDS who like to hang out and party."
    It works very well. No need to decipher his intention. No pride hurt and you are covering your ground.
    ~luck favors the ready~


    Shameless Self-Promotion:MDP2525's Den and the Start of Motorcycle Maintenance

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