So my ex-husband is an ISTP. We get along really well nowdays. When we were together there were times where he would become very depressed or unhappy with the world around him. This would come across as withdrawn and mean and could last months at a time. He would still engage in activities he enjoyed but it was like everyone around him needed to be at his level of misanthropic misery. No happy puppy smiles or silliness allowed in the house by me or the kid or we would get our heads bitten off.
For me this translated into months of feeling suppressed and trapped and confined. I learned to ignore even the harshest of cutting, biting, mean bitterness, as I understood he was very unhappy at these times.
For an NFP, I developed a very, very thick skin. Towards the end of the relationship, I would very actively push his own crap back on him, force him to take responsibility for things he needed to do, and let him know that he could be miserable, but that we didnt need to feel his misery-but it took about six years for me to learn to do this. It actually worked okay for several years before we broke up over other things.
Nowdays he is dating a very sweet EXFP of some sort, very sensitive and adorable, really caring. He had a friend pass away recently and became very depressed again. He came over to my house and started complaining about his whiny bitch of a girlfriend freaking out because he wasnt around and then complaining that the only reason she lived with him was because she didnt have anywhere else to go.
I explained it had nothing to do with her and everything to do with him and he needed to STFU and quit giving her a hard time and deal with his own issues. I also explained that she obviously loved him quite a lot to tolerate him and his kids and he needed to treat her with respect and not be a total douchebag.
He mumbled apologies and has been treating her much better, but I wasnt sure if there is another better alternative I could pass along to him, rather than just telling him not to be such an asshole.
How do you deal with being totally bummed out or depressed? Any guidance on things to pass along to the ISTP in question?