User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 21

  1. #1

    Default I need help with my isfp friend

    I am writing because I have a problem with my boy friend.am I am not sure how to type him. I am an infj for sure. He considers himself an isfp. This is why I am posting here. Because I hope some SP of you might recognize the probleme.

    True is that he has a lot of the positive characteristics of this type, when he is in good shape. So he loves nature and likes freedom, he is very playful and hates rules that define him. He is very aesthetic and loves beauty . He is extremely gentle and tries to comfort me all the time even if I don’t express my wishes he tries to figure out what I would want and serves it. These are his traits when he is relaxed and this is why I love him.

    Still often I am getting so irritated by his sudden need to control everything in his environment. This need often come as a surprise to me. First he was relaxed about the house and suddenly he starts to become obsessed with tidiness and me and my children breaking his rules. It is like a fit and he tries to put everything in order and complaints about everybody who does not follow his rules. With rules I mean rules of politeness and tidiness in the house. He thinks that he has some common standards to maintain that everybody should know even if it is not expressively agreed. He constantly complaints that I do not put things back, the way he used to put them. Often I can’t even see that there was a structure to be put back. He then complains that he is the only one to take care of everything in the house. All this is true to some extent, but not true to the extend he proclaims it. He then tends to oversee my efforts and only focuses on the negative aspects. This is especially irritating as a few hours before he has volunteered to cook and clean the house. I would have done it myself. Maybe a little bit less thorough then him and with less enthusiasm. I do not expect him to cook. I can do without cooking and I definitely would not enjoy his help if I find out that he considers it an ordeal. I am a lot more relaxed about my household and still like my life in order.
    I don’t understand his sudden behavior changes from being utterly relaxed to becoming a real control freak that complaint about everybody.

    I really like him for his positive attitude described. Still I wonder about the sudden changes in his attitude. It makes me wonder if he might be unhappy with our relationship. He constantly tells me how much he loves me and that he cannot live without me. I start to think he may be better off without me. The way he complaints in his bad moods, tells me that something is wrong. I am not meeting his needs.

    I am pretty unhappy with him these days. I do not like it if someone complaints constantly about me. I am very helpful to improve if it makes sense and he would be happier. However I wonder if he may not be tempted to find faults with me anyway so as to go on complaining about me all the time.
    Last edited by maerzhase; 10-30-2010 at 10:07 AM.
    Thoughts die the moment they are embodied by words. (Arthur Schopenhauer)

  2. #2
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    MBTI
    ESFP
    Enneagram
    7w6 sx
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    6,727

    Default

    Get him a Playstation 3. Then he'll just play that and stop bothering you.
    Jeffster Illustrates the Artisan Temperament <---- click here

    "I like the sigs with quotes in them from other forum members." -- Oberon

    The SP Spazz Youtube Channel

  3. #3
    Senior Member IndyGhost's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sx/sp
    Socionics
    SEI
    Posts
    2,399

    Default

    ^lol to jeffsters comment.

    hmm... if he is indeed an ISFP... i'd say you could look into the enneagram to discover more. me and my ISFP best friend greatly contrast in the enneagram. i'm a 4 and he's a 7, and that has given us some insight into our differences.

    i went away from point... oh yeah... so if he is an ISFP, he does indeed sound like a conflicted and unhappy one. as i've gotten older, i've noticed myself acting in ways as you've described here. i live with three male roommates, and all of which drive me up a wall. i constantly nag about dishes, trash, cleanliness, etc. i don't know if this is just learned behavior from my own parents coming in to play or whether it's because i would simply be better off living alone... i feel like my roommates are taking over spaces i feel are mine. spaces, which i strive to keep aesthetically pleasing and clean. i also feel like everyone should pull their own weight, and all responsibility shouldn't be left upon my own shoulders, and yet i've been put in position of playing "mom" and making sure all is well. so i become very frustrated a lot, which leads to anger a lot of the time.

    i don't know if my own story is of any help... perhaps he's lost a connection to himself. what i mean by that is, maybe he doesn't get enough time alone to draw, read, write, create music, hike, or whatever it is that he might have done once upon a time that made him happy. i've learned that using our Se more leads to great happiness and fulfillment in ISFP's. so, maybe he's just missing some sort of creative outlet in his life and is getting too caught up in mundane details of everyday life as he has no release.
    "I don't know a perfect person.
    I only know flawed people who are still worth loving."
    -John Green

  4. #4
    Senior Member IndyGhost's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sx/sp
    Socionics
    SEI
    Posts
    2,399

    Default

    ^lol to jeffsters comment.

    hmm... if he is indeed an ISFP... i'd say you could look into the enneagram to discover more. me and my ISFP best friend greatly contrast in the enneagram. i'm a 4 and he's a 7, and that has given us some insight into our differences.

    i went away from point... oh yeah... so if he is an ISFP, he does indeed sound like a conflicted and unhappy one. as i've gotten older, i've noticed myself acting in ways as you've described here. i live with three male roommates, and all of which drive me up a wall. i constantly nag about dishes, trash, cleanliness, etc. i don't know if this is just learned behavior from my own parents coming in to play or whether it's because i would simply be better off living alone... i feel like my roommates are taking over spaces i feel are mine. spaces, which i strive to keep aesthetically pleasing and clean. i also feel like everyone should pull their own weight, and all responsibility shouldn't be left upon my own shoulders, and yet i've been put in position of playing "mom" and making sure all is well. so i become very frustrated a lot, which leads to anger a lot of the time.

    i don't know if my own story is of any help... perhaps he's lost a connection to himself. what i mean by that is, maybe he doesn't get enough time alone to draw, read, write, create music, hike, or whatever it is that he might have done once upon a time that made him happy. i've learned that using our Se more leads to great happiness and fulfillment in ISFP's. so, maybe he's just missing some sort of creative outlet in his life and is getting too caught up in mundane details of everyday life as he has no release.
    "I don't know a perfect person.
    I only know flawed people who are still worth loving."
    -John Green

  5. #5
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    25,301

    Default

    I think he's actually an ISFJ. His need for external order, cleanliness, and house rules leans toward that direction...but his attitude that OMG EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW THAT cinches it.

  6. #6
    Senior Member IndyGhost's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sx/sp
    Socionics
    SEI
    Posts
    2,399

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    I think he's actually an ISFJ. His need for external order, cleanliness, and house rules leans toward that direction...but his attitude that OMG EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW THAT cinches it.
    i was thinking this too, about the friend in question.
    "I don't know a perfect person.
    I only know flawed people who are still worth loving."
    -John Green

  7. #7
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    25,301

    Default

    Yeah, I mean I don't mean to stereotype and all...but I've known two SFJ men who are like that. I remember making the mistake early on of thinking if someone was cool and interesting and artistic, or had some sort of aesthetic "edge" to them and they were SF that they HAD TO BE SFP. Of course, that's not true. The guy may think something like "I'm not conservative so I must be ISFP not ISFJ." But he sounds very much like an ISFJ.

  8. #8
    Senior Member man's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    MBTI
    IntP
    Enneagram
    =)
    Socionics
    =)
    Posts
    331

    Default

    marmalade is right
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  9. #9
    Senior Member IndyGhost's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sx/sp
    Socionics
    SEI
    Posts
    2,399

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    Yeah, I mean I don't mean to stereotype and all...but I've known two SFJ men who are like that. I remember making the mistake early on of thinking if someone was cool and interesting and artistic, or had some sort of aesthetic "edge" to them and they were SF that they HAD TO BE SFP. Of course, that's not true. The guy may think something like "I'm not conservative so I must be ISFP not ISFJ." But he sounds very much like an ISFJ.
    agreed... an ex of mine i swore was an ESFP. he was artistic, a bit of a punk kid that loved Tool, loved playing music, loved acting, loved movies, skater kid, that had quite a reputation as a rebel. however, he turned out to actually be an ESFJ. which was seen in his need for things to be done his way, for the house to be clean and orderly, his need to put his friends and family's need first (when his feelings were met, of course). and in that sense, he was a bit more of a traditionalist. he was extremely masculine, and had a way about him that made me feel overly feminine (which i've always felt i was more out of touch with or at least balanced.)
    "I don't know a perfect person.
    I only know flawed people who are still worth loving."
    -John Green

  10. #10
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    25,301

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by IndyAnnaJoan View Post
    agreed... an ex of mine i swore was an ESFP. he was artistic, a bit of a punk kid that loved Tool, loved playing music, loved acting, loved movies, skater kid, that had quite a reputation as a rebel. however, he turned out to actually be an ESFJ. which was seen in his need for things to be done his way, for the house to be clean and orderly, his need to put his friends and family's need first (when his feelings were met, of course). and in that sense, he was a bit more of a traditionalist. he was extremely masculine, and had a way about him that made me feel overly feminine (which i've always felt i was more out of touch with or at least balanced.)
    My ex is the same way - he loves punk music, collects horror films, loves underground cinema and independent film ...he's totally artistic, and in a way that is unique, not just oh yeah he's a little artsy...so for a long time I thought he was SFP...

    However, looking back now I can't see how I ever thought that, except for my stupid stereotypes about artistic people.

    He has A LIST, a list that he's kept since he was seven years old and collected every single movie on the list...everything has to be JUST SO...and it's so much more than that...his comfort level is very based upon what is familiar, and too much REAL newness actually frightens him...he always puts his family first, and is very control freak-y in that ESxJ way...he's also incredible loyal, and prizes sexual fidelity above even kindness or understanding...not that an ESFP couldn't be loyal, but infidelity in his mind completely justifies murder...I could think of another million reasons why he's so damn SFJ, but yeah.

Similar Threads

  1. Need help with my Enneagram
    By technomonkey in forum What's my Type?
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 04-12-2013, 10:38 PM
  2. Need help with my variant
    By louiesgonnadie in forum Enneagram
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 03-21-2013, 03:21 PM
  3. [ISFP] Help with my ISFP son and school!
    By Lambchop in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 53
    Last Post: 09-05-2009, 10:05 PM
  4. Need help typing my lady friend!
    By JocktheMotie in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 12-15-2008, 04:31 PM
  5. Help with my ENFJ friend
    By Tigerlily in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 01-05-2008, 05:19 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO