I am writing because I have a problem with my boy friend.am I am not sure how to type him. I am an infj for sure. He considers himself an isfp. This is why I am posting here. Because I hope some SP of you might recognize the probleme.
True is that he has a lot of the positive characteristics of this type, when he is in good shape. So he loves nature and likes freedom, he is very playful and hates rules that define him. He is very aesthetic and loves beauty . He is extremely gentle and tries to comfort me all the time even if I don’t express my wishes he tries to figure out what I would want and serves it. These are his traits when he is relaxed and this is why I love him.
Still often I am getting so irritated by his sudden need to control everything in his environment. This need often come as a surprise to me. First he was relaxed about the house and suddenly he starts to become obsessed with tidiness and me and my children breaking his rules. It is like a fit and he tries to put everything in order and complaints about everybody who does not follow his rules. With rules I mean rules of politeness and tidiness in the house. He thinks that he has some common standards to maintain that everybody should know even if it is not expressively agreed. He constantly complaints that I do not put things back, the way he used to put them. Often I can’t even see that there was a structure to be put back. He then complains that he is the only one to take care of everything in the house. All this is true to some extent, but not true to the extend he proclaims it. He then tends to oversee my efforts and only focuses on the negative aspects. This is especially irritating as a few hours before he has volunteered to cook and clean the house. I would have done it myself. Maybe a little bit less thorough then him and with less enthusiasm. I do not expect him to cook. I can do without cooking and I definitely would not enjoy his help if I find out that he considers it an ordeal. I am a lot more relaxed about my household and still like my life in order.
I don’t understand his sudden behavior changes from being utterly relaxed to becoming a real control freak that complaint about everybody.
I really like him for his positive attitude described. Still I wonder about the sudden changes in his attitude. It makes me wonder if he might be unhappy with our relationship. He constantly tells me how much he loves me and that he cannot live without me. I start to think he may be better off without me. The way he complaints in his bad moods, tells me that something is wrong. I am not meeting his needs.
I am pretty unhappy with him these days. I do not like it if someone complaints constantly about me. I am very helpful to improve if it makes sense and he would be happier. However I wonder if he may not be tempted to find faults with me anyway so as to go on complaining about me all the time.