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[ISFP] ISFPs- Do you talk to your exes?

IZthe411

Carerra Lu
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Jul 19, 2009
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Do you talk to your exes at all?

If so, did they contact you first, or vice versa?

Would you ever have one of those post-breakup discussions to clear the air, get answers to those questions you have, or get things off your chest?

Would you tell your ex if there was still some feeling there?
 

KDude

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Well... I'm sort of unsure of my type atm, but I bet a lot of Fi types find it hard to forget about anyone they've made that kind of connection with.

Personally, I don't have many exes, but I do keep in touch. I think in one case some would say I'd be justified in shutting someone out, but I couldn't help renew the friendship a few years later. I still thought they were cool on some level.

I'm always getting things off my chest, clearing the air..relationship or not. Sometimes I feel strange for it. So many people seem so much cooler (or even careless) than me there. Like I want to conform and be cool too sometimes, but I can't really change who I am. Then again, I don't know if it's really a Fi thing to do.. I keep reading that Fi doms don't communicate. To me, silence and not preventing misunderstandings (if you know you can) is like a mini death. I hate to be dramatic, but that's how frustrating non-communication is to me.
 

IZthe411

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I want to reconnect with my ex- not on a romantic level, but just to be what we were before all of this- friends. But I do want to clear the air, be able to talk openly and honestly about certain things. I don't know if she's willing to do that. The times we have seen each other since the breakup (9 months ago) she can't look me in the face. I think she was probably in love, but I wasn't, and that's where the hurt comes from. That's my speculation, at least. Or is she still hurt after 9 months?


I was really shocked to learn that she wasn't a big communicator, either. If I wished anything, it would have been that she told me what was on her mind more. Some of the things that she walked around with could have been easily solved if she just said something to me. I don't want to call them trivial, because in her lens they weren't. But there was a lot not being said- and with us both being introverted and doing more thinking than speaking - it didn't help the situation.
 

KDude

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Hmm.. I wish I could help. So she's ISFP? I didn't know this is where you were heading. It might be good to disregard some of the stuff I said. My style seems different than ISFP, from what I can tell.

I'll just say that she easily could be hurt still. Start somewhere though if you can.
 

IZthe411

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Hmm.. I wish I could help. So she's ISFP? I didn't know this is where you were heading. It might be good to disregard some of the stuff I said. My style seems different than ISFP, from what I can tell.

I'll just say that she easily could be hurt still. Start somewhere though if you can.

Yeah she's ISFP.

Thanks for your input.
 

Jeffster

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Only one of them. The mother of my child. I likely wouldn't talk to her if it wasn't for our custody agreement.

I'd love to have "post-breakup discussions" with at least a couple of my exes, especially the one that didn't even have the guts to tell me she was breaking up with me.
 

Trentham

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The only ex I ever kept in contact and remained on friendly terms with was my ISTP first wife. Her attitude toward our post-relationship contact bore her signature unerring pragmatism - even through the rough parts of our marriage, we had remained good friends and were always very open in communicating with each other. It was only natural to her (and to me too, actually) that we continue being friends even after we split. It helped that we bore little-to-no ill will toward one another and carried no preconceived notions about how things "ought" to be resolved once the romantic relationship had run its course.

Not sure if this will help with your ISFP but maybe there are some similarities you can work with to help you understand the ISXP mindset.
 

gromit

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The ones where things ended well (relatively speaking) - yes I talk to them, we are on friendly terms, but not BFFs
The one where things ended poorly - no. He really did break my heart, and I'm glad the past is in the past. We saw one another at a wedding of two of our friends, and it was just kind of weird.
 

Sunny Ghost

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I want to reconnect with my ex- not on a romantic level, but just to be what we were before all of this- friends. But I do want to clear the air, be able to talk openly and honestly about certain things. I don't know if she's willing to do that. The times we have seen each other since the breakup (9 months ago) she can't look me in the face. I think she was probably in love, but I wasn't, and that's where the hurt comes from. That's my speculation, at least. Or is she still hurt after 9 months?


I was really shocked to learn that she wasn't a big communicator, either. If I wished anything, it would have been that she told me what was on her mind more. Some of the things that she walked around with could have been easily solved if she just said something to me. I don't want to call them trivial, because in her lens they weren't. But there was a lot not being said- and with us both being introverted and doing more thinking than speaking - it didn't help the situation.

If she seems like she might still be getting over you... than trying to establish a friendship might not be possible for a while. Friendships after breakups are only possible if both are mutually over the relationship and capable of progressing beyond that. I couldn't possibly be friends with an ex I was still hurting over. However, I do have ex's that I am friends with too. But only ever established once the pain of love had faded.
 

Chaotic Harmony

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I talk to several exes. Mostly, we realized that we weren't compatible in a romantic sense, but made really good friends. Most of the ones I talk to now we didn't speak for about 3-6 months after the break up. Seemed to be a good enough time apart for any ill feelings and any romantic feelings to die down or completely go away.
 

ayoitsStepho

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No, I don't. I'm open to it but he's not. I would've loved to understand why he broke up with me, but I don't know to this day.
I'm actually in Texas right now and I've seen him but it's so awkward. I did get to talk to his mother about everything and I feel as if she answered a lot of my questions and asked me some that my ex had. I just wish we could talk and get it over with but I don't believe it'll happen. I'm just glad my life has moved on.
 

Chaotic Harmony

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No, I don't. I'm open to it but he's not. I would've loved to understand why he broke up with me, but I don't know to this day.
I'm actually in Texas right now and I've seen him but it's so awkward. I did get to talk to his mother about everything and I feel as if she answered a lot of my questions and asked me some that my ex had. I just wish we could talk and get it over with but I don't believe it'll happen. I'm just glad my life has moved on.

How long have you guys been broken up? That's always made a world of difference for me.... Or when he meets someone new. :rolleyes2:
 

ayoitsStepho

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How long have you guys been broken up? That's always made a world of difference for me.... Or when he meets someone new. :rolleyes2:

We've been broken up for a year and a half. Up until now he hasn't had anyone in his life. But apparently he's kinda seeing someone. I don't want to get in the way of that.
 

Chaotic Harmony

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We've been broken up for a year and a half. Up until now he hasn't had anyone in his life. But apparently he's kinda seeing someone. I don't want to get in the way of that.

Wow! Scratch my theory then! Most of my exes that didn't speak to me after we broke up started talking to me again about 6 months down the road, or after they started seeing someone new...which ever came first. Maybe he's just the type that when he's broken up with someone he's totally done with them. I've dated a few of those types.
 
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