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  1. #1
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Default ISFPs- Do you talk to your exes?

    Do you talk to your exes at all?

    If so, did they contact you first, or vice versa?

    Would you ever have one of those post-breakup discussions to clear the air, get answers to those questions you have, or get things off your chest?

    Would you tell your ex if there was still some feeling there?

  2. #2
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    Well... I'm sort of unsure of my type atm, but I bet a lot of Fi types find it hard to forget about anyone they've made that kind of connection with.

    Personally, I don't have many exes, but I do keep in touch. I think in one case some would say I'd be justified in shutting someone out, but I couldn't help renew the friendship a few years later. I still thought they were cool on some level.

    I'm always getting things off my chest, clearing the air..relationship or not. Sometimes I feel strange for it. So many people seem so much cooler (or even careless) than me there. Like I want to conform and be cool too sometimes, but I can't really change who I am. Then again, I don't know if it's really a Fi thing to do.. I keep reading that Fi doms don't communicate. To me, silence and not preventing misunderstandings (if you know you can) is like a mini death. I hate to be dramatic, but that's how frustrating non-communication is to me.

  3. #3
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    I want to reconnect with my ex- not on a romantic level, but just to be what we were before all of this- friends. But I do want to clear the air, be able to talk openly and honestly about certain things. I don't know if she's willing to do that. The times we have seen each other since the breakup (9 months ago) she can't look me in the face. I think she was probably in love, but I wasn't, and that's where the hurt comes from. That's my speculation, at least. Or is she still hurt after 9 months?


    I was really shocked to learn that she wasn't a big communicator, either. If I wished anything, it would have been that she told me what was on her mind more. Some of the things that she walked around with could have been easily solved if she just said something to me. I don't want to call them trivial, because in her lens they weren't. But there was a lot not being said- and with us both being introverted and doing more thinking than speaking - it didn't help the situation.

  4. #4
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    Hmm.. I wish I could help. So she's ISFP? I didn't know this is where you were heading. It might be good to disregard some of the stuff I said. My style seems different than ISFP, from what I can tell.

    I'll just say that she easily could be hurt still. Start somewhere though if you can.

  5. #5
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KDude View Post
    Hmm.. I wish I could help. So she's ISFP? I didn't know this is where you were heading. It might be good to disregard some of the stuff I said. My style seems different than ISFP, from what I can tell.

    I'll just say that she easily could be hurt still. Start somewhere though if you can.
    Yeah she's ISFP.

    Thanks for your input.

  6. #6
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
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    Only one of them. The mother of my child. I likely wouldn't talk to her if it wasn't for our custody agreement.

    I'd love to have "post-breakup discussions" with at least a couple of my exes, especially the one that didn't even have the guts to tell me she was breaking up with me.
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  7. #7
    Senior Member Trentham's Avatar
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    The only ex I ever kept in contact and remained on friendly terms with was my ISTP first wife. Her attitude toward our post-relationship contact bore her signature unerring pragmatism - even through the rough parts of our marriage, we had remained good friends and were always very open in communicating with each other. It was only natural to her (and to me too, actually) that we continue being friends even after we split. It helped that we bore little-to-no ill will toward one another and carried no preconceived notions about how things "ought" to be resolved once the romantic relationship had run its course.

    Not sure if this will help with your ISFP but maybe there are some similarities you can work with to help you understand the ISXP mindset.
    83% I 70% N 64% T 73% P | 5w4 sp/so/sx | Chaotic Good

  8. #8
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    The ones where things ended well (relatively speaking) - yes I talk to them, we are on friendly terms, but not BFFs
    The one where things ended poorly - no. He really did break my heart, and I'm glad the past is in the past. We saw one another at a wedding of two of our friends, and it was just kind of weird.
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  9. #9
    Senior Member IndyGhost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IZthe411 View Post
    I want to reconnect with my ex- not on a romantic level, but just to be what we were before all of this- friends. But I do want to clear the air, be able to talk openly and honestly about certain things. I don't know if she's willing to do that. The times we have seen each other since the breakup (9 months ago) she can't look me in the face. I think she was probably in love, but I wasn't, and that's where the hurt comes from. That's my speculation, at least. Or is she still hurt after 9 months?


    I was really shocked to learn that she wasn't a big communicator, either. If I wished anything, it would have been that she told me what was on her mind more. Some of the things that she walked around with could have been easily solved if she just said something to me. I don't want to call them trivial, because in her lens they weren't. But there was a lot not being said- and with us both being introverted and doing more thinking than speaking - it didn't help the situation.
    If she seems like she might still be getting over you... than trying to establish a friendship might not be possible for a while. Friendships after breakups are only possible if both are mutually over the relationship and capable of progressing beyond that. I couldn't possibly be friends with an ex I was still hurting over. However, I do have ex's that I am friends with too. But only ever established once the pain of love had faded.
    "I don't know a perfect person.
    I only know flawed people who are still worth loving."
    -John Green

  10. #10
    Senior Member Chaotic Harmony's Avatar
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    I talk to several exes. Mostly, we realized that we weren't compatible in a romantic sense, but made really good friends. Most of the ones I talk to now we didn't speak for about 3-6 months after the break up. Seemed to be a good enough time apart for any ill feelings and any romantic feelings to die down or completely go away.


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