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  1. #1
    Senior Member Nicodemus's Avatar
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    Default An ISFP Facing Change

    To receive help in a practial matter, I turn to the arthouse.

    My ISFP sister, since yesterday 22 years old, lives in a small town, a rather isolated village, has completed her vocational training and is now working in an unfulfilling job with no opportunity for personal and professional development. She feels, I hear from our mother, the urge to do more with her life but at the same time does not quite know what goals to pursue, what profession to take. It is only because I wrote an application for her six years ago that she has her current occupation. She also does not want to leave our father who, with his girlfriend and one of her children, is living in the same village. But in order to change and better her situation, she has to move to another city.

    I do not know whether she has any real hobby or interest; she used to ride horses, possesses a dog, music by Pink and a boyfriend with a childish mind. She is not stupid but not so much into educating herself either.

    My questions, now, are: How do I persuade her to move, to begin another career - one that she actually has an interest in - and how do I arrange her separation from my ISFJ father so that may not hurt all too much?

    O, I am fully aware of the fact that I am asking a lot from so little data.

  2. #2
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nicodemus View Post
    How do I get her to move, to begin another career - one that she actually has an interest in - and how do I arrange her separation from my ISTJ father so that may not hurt all too much?
    It seems like you have your sister's best interests at heart, which is commendable, but it's pretty difficult to GET anyone to do anything. Motivation for change should come from within. I'd say if you really want to help her move forward with her life, help her figure out what she likes to do and then help her make a plan to pursue it, if she finds something interesting. But remember that you are a resource for her, not the orchestrater (?) of her life.
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Nicodemus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post
    I'd say if you really want to help her move forward with her life, help her figure out what she likes to do and then help her make a plan to pursue it, if she finds something interesting.
    I have known her for 22 years and still don't know her real interests. I believe she doesn't know herself.

    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post
    But remember that you are a resource for her, not the orchestrater (?) of her life.
    I guess 'get her to' is badly worded. I want to present her with words or facts that persuade her to make the necessary decisions herself. I have never interfered in her life except for the one time she had to choose between an uninteresting job training and unemployment. I wrote and submitted her application while she was on vacation; when she got back, she took the job on her own accord.
    Last edited by Nicodemus; 09-22-2010 at 11:53 AM.

  4. #4
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    You know your sister best.

    I get motivated to do something if I enjoy it or find it interesting, or if it has to do with a relationship to somebody. Or if it's just necessary (like paying a bill or something) I can make myself do it. But I don't typically respond well to other people trying to convince me to do stuff. Does that help?
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Nicodemus's Avatar
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    A little. I did not expect perfect solutions.

  6. #6
    PEST that STEPs on PETS stellar renegade's Avatar
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    I totally agree with gromit. SPs hate anyone interfering. My ENTJ dad tried to orchestrate my life (and still inadvertently does that to a small degree) but I really resented him doing that, ending in him being a little hurt at not taking a couple of his suggestions. It's not a good idea to go down that road (although I'm just talking in general now, since you've said you haven't interfered).

    We SPs really just have to learn for ourselves. We HATE premature advice (premature as in, before we're ready to hear it ) and will probably go the opposite way if somebody is persistent with giving it.

    The best way would be to tell her (and maybe go with her) to take a vacation somewhere to a city she'd like to see (if it's not too pushy, you might even get her to take a "which city you'd prefer to live in" quiz, which is what brought me here to Seattle originally, although I'd have to look around for it).

    Then if she decides that it's a place she'd like to live you could just ask her to let her dad and his gf know how much she likes that city and would like to live there. From there they can talk and if they're truly respectful and authentically love her they will likely tell her to go for it.

    It's worth a try, at least. Suggestions and some guidance don't hurt, especially for reactive types like xSFPs, as independent as they can be still. We xSTPs generally have a distaste for that because we like to go on our own steam.
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  7. #7
    Senior Member Nicodemus's Avatar
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    Thank you.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Hirsch63's Avatar
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    I respect your interest in helping your sister "move along" with her life...on the other hand; If the preferences of our shared type are any indicator having anyone (even someone we love) trying to push us towards an action before we are ready to do so would be irritating if not downright confrontational.

    FWIW I did not come upon my "path" until I was 27...I knew it was late and I have thrown myself at it as best I could since that time. If my interactions with fellow ISFP members have suggested anything to me it is that once they find a subject that interests them they will throw themselves into it and explore it's depths....see if it still appeals after initial investigation and then continue on to intense pursuit of significant competence if not outright mastery. I know few of us who are fond of confrontation of any sort...even well meant confrontation. I believe that the earlier idea of drawing her out with a vacation to areas she may have wanted to visit would be a good way to plant ideas in her mind that will grow. Whatever path you choose to persuade her you may have to be very patient or that is, even more patient than you have been. If she feels useful and needed where she is and above all is comfortable moving her elsewhere even for her own good (in your opinion) will prove quite a task. Good Luck.
    Patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings...Steal a little and they throw you in jail, steal a lot and they make you a king

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