[ISFP] Raising ISFP?

[flossyglam]

(This is a slightly modified post from another thread once suchirony suggested ISFP)

While I am technically his older sister, my ISFP brother and I have more of a parent/child dynamic (our mother being virtually absent and a span of 10 years between us). He is now entering high school and I am at a loss as to how to consistently motivate him.

He is a very sweet natured, soft-hearted kid that seems to always complain that he doesn't get enough notice/credit/recognition from authority figures (particularly our INTP father who is kind but aloof). He seems to need constant hand-holding and praise to get even basic things done (simple chores, turning in homework, etc).

He is very peer-motivated, non-competitive, and group oriented in a way that boggles my mind because I can't recall craving a similar amount of need for group approval even in high school. While he is pleased to be the center of attention, he is slow to take initiative and quick to shun responsibility (very unlike myself and my sister). He is quite helpful when he feels like he is constantly interacting and contributing with a person or group, but completely incompetent when you give him a set of directions with expectations that he complete the task without supervision/alone.

Additionally, he seems to be irrationally sensitive at times. He will draw conclusions like "My teacher doesn't like me because she told me I need to turn in my homework." or "Dad doesn't love me because he didn't notice that I took out the trash." He struggled until recently with the concept that a direct request doesn't mean the person is angry or upset with him.

He loves, loves music, art, and animals (cats in particular) and expresses a strong interest in decorating/beautifying the house--kind of unusual for a 14 year old boy I think (nothing wrong with that though!).

If I were to type him in Harry Potter terms, he is very Hufflepuff (minus the work ethic--where did that go??).

My concerns are; How can I motivate him to act independently? How can I help him develop leadership? How can I communicate with him more effectively? How can I encourage him without giving "false praise"?

I would love input from anyone, particularly other ISFPs (help me understand your personality!) and parents/mentors of ISFPs.

 

[StrappingYoungLad]

It sounds like he is a total wussie.

Make him watch Fight Club or get him to a punk concert or something lol

And how sure are you that he is ISFP ?

 

[Walking Tourist]

It may not be what he is being told but how the request is made. He could be very sensitive to tone of voice. If he perceives the request as being an order or a demand or being made in anger, it might upset him. Try to listen to how you're delivering the message. Perhaps you and your son could talk about how he is perceiving these messages. You could probably work it out at that point.
Best of luck to you!

Additionally, he seems to be irrationally sensitive at times. He will draw conclusions like "My teacher doesn't like me because she told me I need to turn in my homework." or "Dad doesn't love me because he didn't notice that I took out the trash." He struggled until recently with the concept that a direct request doesn't mean the person is angry or upset with him.

 

[Jeffster]

My concerns are; How can I motivate him to act independently? How can I help him develop leadership? How can I communicate with him more effectively? How can I encourage him without giving "false praise"?

I would love input from anyone, particularly other ISFPs (help me understand your personality!) and parents/mentors of ISFPs.

I don't think you can do either of the first two things. Those are just things that come with age and maturity.

Communicating with him more effectively you likely can do. As well as encouragement.

This article is written more about couples, but the basics of communication are the same even in a brother/sister relationship. Bottom line with all Artisans (SPs) is that praising us for our artistry, audacity, and adaptability are always likely to boost our self-image more than anything else. So, encouraging your brother's decorating ideas and talents sounds like a start. The "irrational" things of what he says about his teachers and such isn't something that's gonna change, that's just a defense mechanism that will continue long after he's out of school probably, it's just instinctual.

He'll probably always feel a bit "unrecognized" - I think this is a trademark of ISFPs especially. We want to make an impact and be recognized for our talents and bold actions but we hesistate to make many of them public in a way that can result in this! It's kind of a paradox.

Hopefully I helped in some way, if you have more specific questions that can help you "understand my personality" then feel free to ask me any time.

 

[man]

yyou need to man him up a bit make him watch rocky

like that 1 guy above me said he sounds like a wussie, this is ISFP we're talking about here

you sure he isnt an INFP or somethin?

 

[Goosebump]

Parenting Skill and the ISFP Child!


Some Characteristics of the ISFP Child-Some Behaviors to Look For

* ISFP young ones will love to be held, snuggled, cuddled, all the things you want to do Mom and Dad!
* The ISFP baby really is a “cherub” smiling a lot early on
* The ISFP will like some alone time but will happily play with anyone who wants to most of the time
* These young ones will touch a lot; these are especially the ones that may bond with a “blanky”, a “binky” (whatever that may be)…very “sensory” children
* This “type” child will cry more than some others…especially if yelled at, responding to loud noises, if they think they are being criticized
* The ISFP child wants things to be soft, quiet, harmonious, friendly
* ISFPs are likely to play with kids smaller than themselves for security motivators
* ISFPs usually like music, painting, drawing, clay, etc….creative ones loving “sensory” pleasures…including bodily sensory pleasures…they will explore quicker than others
* The ISFP child is easy-going, flexible, compliant most of the time but will shy away from anger, bullying, yelling, etc.
* This child also need alone time
* The ISFP is the epitome of putting everything in the mouth…oh brother they love it….again sensory
* The ISFP may suck their thumbs…need a bottle for longer periods of time….just for sensory satisfaction and security than other types
* ISFPs will usually share their feeling, getting hurt easily, wanting friend, etc.
* ISFPs can excel athletically due to their sensing…but they really like the “group” team thing…want and need others….selectively
* ISFPs love animals and have a kinship with them of sorts
* For the adolescent ISFP school is fun…that may be about it….they may underachieve academically due to this
* The ISFP adolescent will learn better with a teacher they’ve bonded with in a more one-on-one environment
* They can be wonderful story tellers…natural grasp of the detailed and are dominantly “feeling” and emotional
* In High School the ISFP may have difficulty declaring independence…they bond with parents, siblings strongly
* The adolescent ISFP may struggle with long range planning, college, career, etc more than some others
* ISFPs have natural difficulty following/remembering rules, regulations, etc.

Regardless of Your Type Mom and Dad-Here Are Some Things You Can Do to Nurture the ISFP Child and Improve Parenting Skill

* Allow them to be creative early on…art, crayons, etc.
* Everything is “hands-on” with the ISFP, create situations where they can safely do that
* Hold them a lot, snuggle them a lot, carry them more than putting them in a stroller!!
* Speak in “low tones”, softly, gently to your ISFP little one
* Be very specific in the instructions you give to them…they are sensors after all
* Be supportive of their feelings let them express themselves as they will
* The ISFP will have their favorite “things”…allow them to do this
* Talk about feelings, allow them to express themselves safely with what they are feeling
* The ISFP will tend to take thing personally…try to talk about the fact you did not mean it personally
* As they become more self-confident create a safe atmosphere so they build in self-confidence
* Talk to them in terms of people, feelings more than things and events

In conclusion Mom or Dad, if you are ISF than most of the above seemed pretty natural; but, if you are not a Sensing Feeler (SF) maybe the above can better aid you as you develop you parenting skill. There are a lot of ISFP kids and people out there as the ISFP type makes up somewhere between 5-7% of everybody!

This article depicts very closely me as a child. Especially the love to be snuggled part.

Hope it helps!

Parenting Skill-the ISFP Child and Parenting Skill with Myers Briggs!