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  1. #1
    Member JFNI's Avatar
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    Default INFJ Female & ESFP Male

    So,

    After I thought that there's no matches for me beyond the crazy ENTP, I have come to the conclusion that my best most satisfying partner to date, is my sweet ESFP. I simply love everything about him, even the things I usually consider annoying. There's absolutely nothing that I don't love about him. What's the problem? I'm falling head over heals for him, but he's SO elusive. He "loves" me but I trust my intuition, he doesn't want to hurt my feelings. He was so enthusiastic about pursuing me, was even annoying me at the beginning, driving me crazy with calls and text and now that I'm all melting he's all disappearing.

    What do I do? What keeps these crazy people in love?

  2. #2
    WTF is this dude saying? A Schnitzel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JFNI View Post
    What keeps these crazy people in love?
    The threat of paying child support.
    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    sheesh humans! for realz

  3. #3
    Member awwsha's Avatar
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    It may be a little different for me, because I am an ESFP female.

    I love the thrill of maybe having a guy that I don't know I can have. This doesnt mean I go for guys that aren't single, but it means I like getting someone to like me. Sometimes though, by the time the feeling is considered mutually shared, I have moved on...either because I have given up, or because I have gotten bored.

    What catches my attention is playfulness. Or when a guy has given me just enough time to miss or forget them, then they pop back up with an interesting proposition. I can rarely say no to a fun date. I love having fun. Traditional bores me.

    To keep us interested in love you have to keep things new. As soon as a guy gets predictable, to the point where I can guess how he is going to react or what he is going to say, I no longer care for him. He has to show me new sides to himself all the time. Its intriguing and I want to figure him out.

    Compliments mean everything to the ESFP. I thrive on compliments. I always need reassurance that I am liked.

    Give him a little bit of time. The people we really like we always tend to come back to. Even if we get distracted with life for a little bit.
    "The best things in life are silly" - Scott Adams


  4. #4
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    I find it hard to believe an INFJ likes everything about an ESFP. Everything?


    And my advice is to tell him what you told us, and to follow your intuition at all times. I'd say INFJ+ESFP are a mindblowing concept but I'm afraid the Typ0C thought police will knock on my door, so I won't elaborate.

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    Quote Originally Posted by awwsha View Post
    It may be a little different for me, because I am an ESFP female.

    I love the thrill of maybe having a guy that I don't know I can have. This doesnt mean I go for guys that aren't single, but it means I like getting someone to like me. Sometimes though, by the time the feeling is considered mutually shared, I have moved on...either because I have given up, or because I have gotten bored.

    What catches my attention is playfulness. Or when a guy has given me just enough time to miss or forget them, then they pop back up with an interesting proposition. I can rarely say no to a fun date. I love having fun. Traditional bores me.

    To keep us interested in love you have to keep things new. As soon as a guy gets predictable, to the point where I can guess how he is going to react or what he is going to say, I no longer care for him. He has to show me new sides to himself all the time. Its intriguing and I want to figure him out.

    Compliments mean everything to the ESFP. I thrive on compliments. I always need reassurance that I am liked.

    Give him a little bit of time. The people we really like we always tend to come back to. Even if we get distracted with life for a little bit.

    Yes, I can easily see ESFP being easily bored, but he's so irresistible and such a natural charmer. It's so hard for me to wait to see him again. I'm working on controlling my feelings. I asked him once to give me some solitude as I can not help but fall in love so hard, and I don't want that. He started laughing. It's hard for him to take things seriously at times.

    For the underlined part, do you really think someone can live up to a mystery or stay in disguise for a long time? The more you spend time with a person the more you understand them. And this ESFP likes spending a lot of time with me, I love it but hate it at the same time. I feel like he's just exhausting all my conversational skills and getting to know so much about me too soon. I can't help it, we have long long flowing conversations. I have to ask him to leave or we'd talk forever!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    I find it hard to believe an INFJ likes everything about an ESFP. Everything?


    And my advice is to tell him what you told us, and to follow your intuition at all times. I'd say INFJ+ESFP are a mindblowing concept but I'm afraid the Typ0C thought police will knock on my door, so I won't elaborate.
    I understand your stand on this. I had an ESFP co-worker who I couldn't take. He was able to get under my skin. Not that he was a bad guy or anything, he was a very nice guy but I didn't like him very much for silly things that I couldn't appreciate about his personality make-up.

    Yes, absolutely everything

  7. #7
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JFNI View Post
    I understand your stand on this. I had an ESFP co-worker who I couldn't take. He was able to get under my skin. Not that he was a bad guy or anything, he was a very nice guy but I didn't like him very much for silly things that I couldn't appreciate about his personality make-up.

    Yes, absolutely everything
    Personality make-up? What do you mean?

    Would you say that, beyond the make up though, he has a similar core to your ESFP? I mean, obviously you don't know your co-worker as well, but you're an INFJ so you might have some clue...

    I guess what I'm trying to say is just mindful of what you truly value in a relationship and what you truly like about him. Start stripping him of this and this and see how well everything holds up. You sound like you are "in love" so that should be difficult (and you're an NF so you probably idealize people), but try and being objective, would be my advice.

    The good thing about being objective in a thing like love that is all about feelings....is that, if it's truly good, it's good both objectively (according to the criteria we apply to everyone else) and subjectively.

  8. #8
    Member awwsha's Avatar
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    For the underlined part, do you really think someone can live up to a mystery or stay in disguise for a long time? The more you spend time with a person the more you understand them. And this ESFP likes spending a lot of time with me, I love it but hate it at the same time. I feel like he's just exhausting all my conversational skills and getting to know so much about me too soon. I can't help it, we have long long flowing conversations. I have to ask him to leave or we'd talk forever!
    There is a difference between being mysterious, and being..predictable. Not a disguise either. If I know someone very well, I can start to predict their responses. Even down to the exact vocabulary they will use in reponse to what I say. It makes me feel like I can control the outcome of a conversation, based on the words I use. Every person has a million layers to their personality. Introverts tend to have more 'hidden' layers than some of us extroverts. It should not be difficult to occasionally show him a different view of yourself.

    We do tend to ask a million questions, and find everything out about a person we can.
    "The best things in life are silly" - Scott Adams


  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    Personality make-up? What do you mean?

    Would you say that, beyond the make up though, he has a similar core to your ESFP? I mean, obviously you don't know your co-worker as well, but you're an INFJ so you might have some clue...

    I guess what I'm trying to say is just mindful of what you truly value in a relationship and what you truly like about him. Start stripping him of this and this and see how well everything holds up. You sound like you are "in love" so that should be difficult (and you're an NF so you probably idealize people), but try and being objective, would be my advice.

    The good thing about being objective in a thing like love that is all about feelings....is that, if it's truly good, it's good both objectively (according to the criteria we apply to everyone else) and subjectively.

    Is he similar to my co-worker? Yes, yes of course. He's very similar to him, except I can tolerate his flaws and they don't bother me. Where my co-worker was just down right annoying to me. Is it love that's blinding me? I don't know. Maybe like you said, I'm idealizing people, and I know that I do idealize them emotionally, but I'm often well aware of their flaws especially when in love. It's just my choice to either ignore them or not.

    You know, my first true love was an ENFJ. I would say by far ENFJs are the only people that really know how to naturally love and understand INFJs. When it was over I felt as though I literally teared my heart apart. Then my second love was an ENTP. I loved him so much that I fell under clinical depression when it was over. This ESFP reminds me of both, he's like the fusion of the passionate loving ENFJ and the curious elusive ENTP with another new sensual playful element.

    I understand the importance of objectivity but objective analysis doesn't work for me when it comes to my heart. I can get the best guy out there who meets all the objective criteria, if I don't feel him, I don't want him. I don't even try to like him because he's "such a catch", I'm never logical when it comes to the matters of the heart. On the other hand, I can get the least perfect guy out there, if I like him, I can accept everything and live with it.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JFNI View Post
    I understand the importance of objectivity but objective analysis doesn't work for me when it comes to my heart. I can get the best guy out there who meets all the objective criteria, if I don't feel him, I don't want him. I don't even try to like him because he's "such a catch", I'm never logical when it comes to the matters of the heart. On the other hand, I can get the least perfect guy out there, if I like him, I can accept everything and live with it.
    Well, you and everybody else. I just mean, that it's important to flex the objectivity muscle.


    Me tolerating my SO's flaws and not my coworker's doesn't sit well with me. Even though I subjectively would...it wouldn't feel right to me. But that's me of course.

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