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  1. #21
    Member JFNI's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    None. And I'm an NF myself (ENFP). I hate the idea that I'm positively discriminating and negatively discriminating people with no real reason. A friend of mine is only a friend of mine because he has moral merit. I only not like people when they prove they are assholes.

    Not being a thinker doesn't mean one can't be congruent and coherent. And explaining things doesn't make it lose it's beautiful. It's not even explaining, it's self-awareness.

    Otherwise, you can't ever like someone who is lovely if you are conscious that person is lovely and that is why you like him/her. Nor can you ever hate someone genuinely "simply" because they do bad things.
    Oh, in friendships it's a totally different subject.

  2. #22
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    I think that there are (by current methods of analysis) intangibles at work as to why we can tolerate things in some and not in others. I think some of it is just biological and allows us to tolerate things from loved ones and family members so that we can live together closely without killing each other. It's inconsistent, but it's a gift in it's way and I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing. I see it as more of a feature than a flaw.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Billy View Post
    Thrill of the chase?
    Haha, there's not much of that at this point. I'm just afraid I'll have to chase. Because once I realize it had reached that point I'll leave it all and walk away. I hate chasing or being chased. Too old for this stuff.

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    I think that there are (by current methods of analysis) intangibles at work as to why we can tolerate things in some and not in others. I think some of it is just biological and allows us to tolerate things from loved ones and family members so that we can live together closely without killing each other. It's inconsistent, but it's a gift in it's way and I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing. I see it as more of a feature than a flaw.
    Certainly. Also, have you heard of the mere exposure effect?

  5. #25
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JFNI View Post
    Oh, in friendships it's a totally different subject.
    For me there is no difference. I have to love someone for all the right reasons just as much as I have to like a friend for all the right reasons. But, again, that's me. Just explaining my logic.

    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    I think that there are (by current methods of analysis) intangibles at work as to why we can tolerate things in some and not in others. I think some of it is just biological and allows us to tolerate things from loved ones and family members so that we can live together closely without killing each other. It's inconsistent, but it's a gift in it's way and I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing. I see it as more of a feature than a flaw.
    I draw the line in physical attraction. That's a battle that no longer interests me. I will never be sexually attracted to someone who I don't find physically beautiful. Or if I am, I'm weary of how that would pan out long term.

    But physical attraction aside, when it comes to other aspects of personality, I will deny my instinctual side if need be, in favor of fairness. Yes, I'm a moral masochist...and proud of it too.

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    For me there is no difference. I have to love someone for all the right reasons just as much as I have to like a friend for all the right reasons. But, again, that's me. Just explaining my logic.
    Then you're stuck defining the forever controversial right and wrong, and you got one battle after another just to like a person. It's a lot simpler than that.

  7. #27
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JFNI View Post
    Then you're stuck defining the forever controversial right and wrong,
    Yes, and I learn things along the way.

    Quote Originally Posted by JFNI View Post
    and you got one battle after another just to like a person. It's a lot simpler than that.
    No no no. It makes it simpler to like a person for all the right reasons, because I've already done my homework. And I'm ENFP, I have some intuition when it comes to people.

    I can tell relatively quickly whether it's someone I will enjoy talking about everything with or not and vice versa (closely related to N more often than not) I can tell what that person's views in terms of empathy towards others is. etc

    Knowing what one likes and what one can live with makes things a lot easier.

  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    Yes, and I learn things along the way.



    No no no. It makes it simpler to like a person for all the right reasons, because I've already done my homework. And I'm ENFP, I have some intuition when it comes to people.

    I can tell relatively quickly whether it's someone I will enjoy talking about everything with or not and vice versa (closely related to N more often than not) I can tell what that person's views in terms of empathy towards others is. etc

    Knowing what one likes and what one can live with makes things a lot easier.
    You sound like you have a story to tell. : )

  9. #29
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JFNI View Post
    You sound like you have a story to tell. : )
    Not really no. I was talking pretty abstractly. Besides, I'm a terrible storyteller :P

  10. #30
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    I draw the line in physical attraction. That's a battle that no longer interests me. I will never be sexually attracted to someone who I don't find physically beautiful. Or if I am, I'm weary of how that would pan out long term.

    But physical attraction aside, when it comes to other aspects of personality, I will deny my instinctual side if need be, in favor of fairness. Yes, I'm a moral masochist...and proud of it too.
    I wouldn't date someone I didn't find at least somewhat physically attractive in the first place. I can't imagine why someone would. OTOH, however you look when you begin a relationship, you aren't going to look like that twenty years down the road.

    Fair only matters to me in a situation like that if it means that infatuation is overruling my sense and those traits which annoy me in others, but don't annoy me in the object of my affection will begin to annoy me in the object of my affection once we've put some miles on the relationship. Character flaws or glaring incompatibilities would be the things that I'd find worrisome, because those are the things that will bite you in the but when you start having responsibilities and headaches.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

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