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  1. #11
    Member JFNI's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by awwsha View Post
    There is a difference between being mysterious, and being..predictable. Not a disguise either. If I know someone very well, I can start to predict their responses. Even down to the exact vocabulary they will use in reponse to what I say. It makes me feel like I can control the outcome of a conversation, based on the words I use. Every person has a million layers to their personality. Introverts tend to have more 'hidden' layers than some of us extroverts. It should not be difficult to occasionally show him a different view of yourself.

    We do tend to ask a million questions, and find everything out about a person we can.

    Oh, I see. No, I'm not even close to being predictable.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post

    Me tolerating my SO's flaws and not my coworker's doesn't sit well with me. Even though I subjectively would...it wouldn't feel right to me. But that's me of course.
    Believe me, it amazes me beyond words. I don't know how this could happen.

  3. #13
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JFNI View Post
    I have come to the conclusion that my best most satisfying partner to date, is my sweet ESFP. I simply love everything about him, even the things I usually consider annoying. There's absolutely nothing that I don't love about him. What's the problem? I'm falling head over heals for him, but he's SO elusive. He "loves" me but I trust my intuition, he doesn't want to hurt my feelings. He was so enthusiastic about pursuing me, was even annoying me at the beginning, driving me crazy with calls and text and now that I'm all melting he's all disappearing.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    I find it hard to believe an INFJ likes everything about an ESFP. Everything?

    And my advice is to tell him what you told us, and to follow your intuition at all times. I'd say INFJ+ESFP are a mindblowing concept but I'm afraid the Typ0C thought police will knock on my door, so I won't elaborate.
    Lordy, Lordy. An INFJ and ESFP. Well, I will not show Sytpg's restraint. I'll just come on out and say it. JFNI, I think that's a freakin' nutso idea.

    Seriously. INFJs and ESFPs are on different planets. No. Different solar systems. Maybe even different galaxies.

    I know only of one INFJ/ESFP pairing. He was totally in love with her and she broke it off with him after about eight months. She is a great person. In fact, she's a dear friend of mine. However, as someone who knows them both, I can say it NEVER would have worked out. Not because they're not both great people, but because they have mutually-exclusive orientations to the world.

    He (INFJ) is all about meaning. Just like all NFs, INFJs seek out the meaning and significance in everything. But more than that, their dominant iNtuition makes this an even more salient aspect of their personality. (You can read more about Introverted Intuition here.)

    And, she (my ESFP friend) is all about experiencing. She has dominant Se. Dominant Extraverted Sensing can often be mistaken for intuition because it likes to step back and take a big picture look at the concrete details it sees. But it is not intuition.

    Extraverted Sensing occurs when we become aware of what is in the physical world in rich detail. We may be drawn to act on what we experience to get an immediate result. We notice relevant facts and occurrences in a sea of data and experiences, learning all the facts we can about the immediate context or area of focus and what goes on in that context. An active seeking of more and more input to get the whole picture may occur until all sources of input have been exhausted or something else captures our attention. Extraverted Sensing is operating when we freely follow exciting physical impulses or instincts as they come up and enjoy the thrill of action in the present moment. A oneness with the physical world and a total absorption may exist as we move, touch, and sense what is around us. The process involves instantly reading cues to see how far we can go in a situation and still get the impact we want or respond to the situation with presence. - from CognitiveProcesses.com
    There could not be a wider communication gap between two people than having opposing dominant functions in the opposite energy directions. You know they say that ENFPs and ESFPs are look-a-like relations. Meaning that they have similar obstacles and strengths. In fact, to the outside observer, it would be easy to confuse the two. Maybe you're drawn to your ESFP for all the reasons you'd be drawn to an ENFP.

    Eventually, you'll get sick of the just having fun and want to get down to what really matters to you. Long passionate conversations. Intellectual reverie. Deep meaningful connections with your closest relationships. Only problem is that your ESFP won't be able to go there with you. And your desire for these things will probably bug the crap out of him.

    I know of what I speak. I had an ESFP guy break my heart. The disconnect (he dominant Se / me dominant Ne) was very similar.
    ENFP with kick*ss Te | 7w8 so | ♀

  4. #14
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JFNI View Post
    Believe me, it amazes me beyond words. I don't know how this could happen.
    I don't mean to annoy you, or to judge you, but I'm genuinely curious : does it not bug you? Do you not feel it's kind of unfair?

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    Lordy, Lordy. An INFJ and ESFP. Well, I will not show Sytpg's restraint. I'll just come on out and say it. JFNI, I think that's a freakin' nutso idea.
    Oh, I know! BELIEVE me, I really do know that. It's just that I'm extremely attracted to him and I can brush it all off. Usually I'm terribly picky and flaws oriented when dating, but not with this guy. Please note, that when he came along I was completely out of the dating scene and wanted to just hang out with some friends. He was among the friends of friends group. We hit it off very quickly, leaving our friends jaws dropped. We created a really good understanding conversations. This may differ in actual application of what we have agreed upon, and I know it most likely will but I can't help it. I really like this nut case. He's totally crazy, I'm aware of it and I LOVE it. He on the other hand, loves that I'm the opposite of him. I like when he sits and I talk to him, his eyes just open up so wide, like a little kid learning something completely new from their parent.

    usually I'm easily bored with potential mates. I'm not bored with this one at all. He stimulate me on every possible level. I can not wait to get off work to see him. I know this is going to end, just like everything else. But for now, I want to make the best out of this.

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    I don't mean to annoy you, or to judge you, but I'm genuinely curious : does it not bug you? Do you not feel it's kind of unfair?
    What is it?

  7. #17
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JFNI View Post
    What is it?
    That we tolerate certain things in certain people, but no in others?

    It's something I'm personally very passionate about (and I obsess over the concept of fairness).


    It's also tied in with objectiveness in service of good relationship decisions for me. The deep "in love" period would eventually fade if you were to marry for example...and in the long run, what doesn't annoy now, might annoy you as the years went by.

    Eventually, you'll get sick of the just having fun and want to get down to what really matters to you. Long passionate conversations. Intellectual reverie. Deep meaningful connections with your closest relationships. Only problem is that your ESFP won't be able to go there with you. And your desire for these things will probably bug the crap out of him.
    I agree with Esoteric on the likelihood of this happening too.



    But, forget all this. Just follow what you think is right. Follow your intuition. Don't be a slave to your emotions, but to your gut feeling.

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    That we tolerate certain things in certain people, but no in others?

    It's something I'm personally very passionate about (and I obsess over the concept of fairness).

    Well, to me the least logical thing is what makes perfect sense to me. Remember, I'm not a thinker, and so logic is of a very little significance to me when it comes to people.

    If someone asked me, why do you like Zack over Jack, although both are the same, I would say I don't know, I just do. And this is pretty fair to me, I can't explain it and I shouldn't be able to explain it. Once it's explainable it's not in the same category as love and liking. Those things should not be explained because they belong solely to the ultimate irrationality.

    Makes sense?

  9. #19
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JFNI View Post
    Well, to me the least logical thing is what makes perfect sense to me. Remember, I'm not a thinker, and so logic is of a very little significance to me when it comes to people.

    If someone asked me, why do you like Zack over Jack, although both are the same, I would say I don't know, I just do. And this is pretty fair to me, I can't explain it and I shouldn't be able to explain it. Once it's explainable it's not in the same category as love and liking. Those things should not be explained because they belong solely to the ultimate irrationality.

    Makes sense?
    None. And I'm an NF myself (ENFP). I hate the idea that I'm positively discriminating and negatively discriminating people with no real reason. A friend of mine is only a friend of mine because he has moral merit. I only not like people when they prove they are assholes.

    Not being a thinker doesn't mean one can't be congruent and coherent. And explaining things doesn't make it lose it's beautiful. It's not even explaining, it's self-awareness.

    Otherwise, you can't ever like someone who is lovely if you are conscious that person is lovely and that is why you like him/her. Nor can you ever hate someone genuinely "simply" because they do bad things.

  10. #20
    Crazy Diamond Billy's Avatar
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    Thrill of the chase?
    Ground control to Major Tom

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