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  1. #1
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    Question ENTJ needs help with ESFP!!!

    I will try to be concise. I am a really easy guy to get along with, but I tend to have problems with ESFP's that are in positions of authority over me. I tend to be straighforward, accurate, and clear when I speak, but I also share my opinion on situations. Tactfully. How do I get along with you? I take really believe that my bosses feel like either I threaten the their positions, or just that I dont respect them, since I am always suggesting things, or questioning what truly doesn't make sense. How do I tailor my responses so that I dont always get punished in a passive aggressive way, and punished for what I didn't even know doing was offensive? It's like I never get a real response from them(either ESFP boss), they always try to act cool to my face,and they try to destroy me behind my back. What should I do?

  2. #2
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
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    Buy them beer?
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  3. #3
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    IME, either:

    (a) Just stop challenging/questioning things and just do what they say without much input, or (and this is a much better option),

    (b) Start your own business and then hire them to work for you.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


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  4. #4
    full of love Kingfisher's Avatar
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    straightforward and honest, stand your ground, don't back down - forcefulness and willpower - i always think that is the best way to deal with any boss.

    i love it when people working under me come up with suggestions. i love when they come up with a project on their own, and i can set them loose on it with just some loose supervision. that is my heaven of management++
    "destroying someone behind their back", that is so much WORK and such a time-investment... i couldn't do that. if i have an issue with an employee i always destroy them to their face. leave NO ROOM for misunderstanding. if there's been a problem it's got to be pulled out into the open and dealt with in plain words. i CAN'T STAND that quiet stewing, those disagreements/people that just hold SECRET GRUDGES and fester in the dark somewhere.

    if your boss feels threatened by you that is just because they are insecure.
    i don't think this is a type related problem.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jeffster View Post
    Buy them beer?
    definitely!

    i have always had the problem of getting way too chummy and friendly with employees and bosses. oh well!

  5. #5
    PEST that STEPs on PETS stellar renegade's Avatar
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    I was quoting Kingfisher's post but EVERYTHING he said is perfect. Especially the part about suggestions and loose management and getting chummy with everyone. OMG. He knows what it's like to be an Artisan (SP) boss for sure. I know because I've been one, too.

    Either these bosses are not actually SPs (very possible!) or maybe you need to change your approach. Or you just didn't give us enough info besides your speculations about their motives. Because what SP is going to not accept suggestions because their position is "threatened"?? Hoo boy! LAME-O's!

    Seriously, either we don't care about that possibility or we're too cocky to think that somebody could actually snatch the rug out from underneath our feet like that.

    Can you give us more specifics? Y'know, concrete things we can sink our teeth into?
    -stellar renegade
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  6. #6
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    It's possible that the ESFP doesn't like your delivery of being straight forward, accurate and stating your opinions. What's normal for you is too forceful for them.

    I've found the ENTJ's that I know to be very forceful when doing these things. It's not personal. Just the way they are. But I can see how someone who values tactfulness and niceness can be turned off or even scared by it.

    Also, If you state your opinions and they are opposed to the ESFP and you do this publicly - then you may have issues and the ESFP thinks there's a threat and it's fair game to get you out of there. Almost any boss I know would.
    ~luck favors the ready~


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  7. #7
    Member awwsha's Avatar
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    I think it can all be on the delivery.

    I would most likely get offended if I felt like the way you were suggesting things, even if meant in the best possible way, came across as a personal attack on my character. I hate feeling pin-pointed or critiqued for my way of doing things.

    But ultimately I do like if people know what they are doing, so if the suggestions are shared in the right way I am most certainly going to think its great.

    if i have an issue with an employee i always destroy them to their face. leave NO ROOM for misunderstanding. if there's been a problem it's got to be pulled out into the open and dealt with in plain words. i CAN'T STAND that quiet stewing, those disagreements/people that just hold SECRET GRUDGES and fester in the dark somewhere.
    +1

    I really think there is nothing worse in the whole world then quiet stewing. I dont even understand it.
    "The best things in life are silly" - Scott Adams


  8. #8
    PEST that STEPs on PETS stellar renegade's Avatar
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    A+ to what everyone after me said.

    Two interesting facets to an SP's personality:

    1) We LOVE new practical solutions. I mean love, love, love. BUT:
    2) We take open challenges to be fights. If there's no reason to fight, just smooth it over.

    I have an ENTJ best friend. Before our personalities really developed (we both acted differently then) we got along great. Afterwards, we had fights pretty much constantly. Just about everything he says rubs me the wrong way, because he's so concerned about being blunt that he doesn't seem to care much for tact, or when he does, it's like he's trying to use the "facts" to push his particular agenda.

    Now, I'm an in-charge type and that already pisses me off. But take an ESFP who is a collaborator more into suggestions? Oh boy. I'm sure that can give them a very bad feeling. And you know what kinds of reactions fear can produce.
    -stellar renegade
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  9. #9
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    Hmmmm. I appreciate the feedback. I guess it is hard to say. Part of me gets annoyed with the fact that I feel like it is impossible to know which of these guys is the real person. It always seems like they are playing a part. As such, I have to rely on body language and microexpressions to know whether or not I am about to be attacked. It always seems to come via their boss, or rather, they tattle and try to make me look bad to their boss, when I am following what they said, but they say they didn't. One was lying so mucH, I ended up recording our conversations, and when he tried to fire me, I played those recordings for his boss, amd he just stated that wasn't what he meant.
    I am rambling.
    Hmmmm. I feel like there is great insight here, and dont want to waste it, it just seems hard to pinpoint situations, because it is every situation. I never know if a knife is gonna be shoved into my chest in some bottled up fit of rage.
    Do I sound totally rediculous?

  10. #10
    PEST that STEPs on PETS stellar renegade's Avatar
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    You sound just like my friend. I almost wondered if you were him, hah. Except he's not into typology.

    All I know is that either you guys know some REALLY f---ed up people, or you're paranoid. Seems like my ENTJ dad could turn plenty of molehills into mountains, too.

    I dunno, judging from the experience I had with him, he's overly dramatic, which he also admits to. Not trying to judge your situation in that light, I've just had bad experiences.
    -stellar renegade
    coo-oo-ooool this madness down,
    stop it right on tiiiiime!


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