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  1. #11
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Hmm, this is tough. I'm going to go with ESFP, but perhaps a mature one.

    Quote Originally Posted by stellar renegade View Post
    Actually, ESFJs aren't that controlling at all. They're more helpful and accommodating like my ISFJ girl. Of course, there's a sense in which they do seem to have a "my way or the highway" attitude simply by virtue of being SJ, but only because they're convinced that it's the WAY to do it, nah mean? It feels a bit off-putting to me when my reserved, timid, kind ISFJ says things like that since she's usually so open to suggestion, but when I don't follow through she doesn't even come close to yelling at me, but she'll sulk and just not talk. My ESFJ mom would give up after arguing for a little bit, grunt and walk off.
    Yes. Spot on. I think the fact that SFJs have an idea or are convinced that that is the WAY to be is what upsets people. Perhaps it feels confining or oppressive to them. I guess people would prefer it if SFJs didn't have any ideas at all? .


    Quote Originally Posted by stellar renegade View Post
    What is it with you SJs and not being big on physical affection!? :steam:

    I swear... I don't know how you can resist it.
    If I resist I don't mean any harm. I'm either caught up in something I'm doing or not feeling at ease. Being at ease or realizing that the affection will put me at ease is key for me. Otherwise I love it but will only do it with my SO.

  2. #12
    Senior Member Chaotic Harmony's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stellar renegade View Post
    That's better. My ISFJ lets me kiss her on the lips in public, though.

    What's your SO's type?
    He says he tested as an INTJ in the past... I think he was in work/study mode so that had a lot to do with it.... But when it comes to his personal life he's more of an INFP. We he said he was an INTJ I said he cared far too much about hurting other people's feelings and couldn't get anywhere on time to be an INTJ, maybe an INTP.

    Quote Originally Posted by stellar renegade View Post
    Well yeah, but you guys have boundaries, and then there's the whole "don't touch me" mode that you go into, at least mine does. Maybe it's different for a guy, too.
    Oh, I totally do that. It's usually a sure sign that it's nearing that time of the month.


  3. #13
    PEST that STEPs on PETS stellar renegade's Avatar
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    Hey, Giggly!

    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    Hmm, this is tough. I'm going to go with ESFP, but perhaps a mature one.
    Yes. We mature ESXPs DO exist.

    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    Yes. Spot on. I think the fact that SFJs have an idea or are convinced that that is the WAY to be is what upsets people. Perhaps it feels confining or oppressive to them. I guess people would prefer it if SFJs didn't have any ideas at all? .
    You sound just like her, hah.

    It's not that you have ideas, it's just that you have certain set ideas and when I'm trying to reason something out, sometimes I get shut down on because it seems like I don't respect her sense of things, I guess -- even though I DO, very much so, it's one reason I love her so much. I think it's usually when there's alot of emotion tied to the subject because she cares about me, but I'm honestly just trying to figure out the best option.

    I don't mean any offense, I just don't understand not reasoning something out. I guess because I used to mostly talk with my dad about decisions and he was an ENTJ. My ESFJ mom was kinda like this, too.

    And it's not just on big decisions, sometimes it's been about what jeans to buy. Then later she regrouped and realized it's probably better to just not be as assertive about that. But then she didn't want to make suggestions at all. It sucks that she's so sensitive, I just want to have a good time with her and think things out with her.

    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    If I resist I don't mean any harm. I'm either caught up in something I'm doing or not feeling at ease. Being at ease or realizing that the affection will put me at ease is key for me. Otherwise I love it but will only do it with my SO.
    Yeah.

    But then it seems pretty easy for you to not be at ease, sometimes. Thankfully more often than not she is (with my influence ) but maybe the intensity of the bad times makes it seem like it happens more than it does.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kymbirleigh View Post
    He says he tested as an INTJ in the past... I think he was in work/study mode so that had a lot to do with it.... But when it comes to his personal life he's more of an INFP. We he said he was an INTJ I said he cared far too much about hurting other people's feelings and couldn't get anywhere on time to be an INTJ, maybe an INTP.
    Oh, okay. Good, then he's not a sensualist. Another one saved.

    JK!!! I wouldn't trade having an XSFJ for the world.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kymbirleigh View Post
    Oh, I totally do that. It's usually a sure sign that it's nearing that time of the month.
    Yep. Either that or when she feels traumatized by something, such as me not coming over when she thought I would for some reason or another (usually now because of other obligations).
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  4. #14
    Senior Member Chaotic Harmony's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stellar renegade View Post
    Yep. Either that or when she feels traumatized by something, such as me not coming over when she thought I would for some reason or another (usually now because of other obligations).
    OMG, I'm laughing so hard over here right now! That was what happened to us last night. I thought he was going to come over after work, or at least call me after work to see when we were going shopping (since we'd been talking about it all day)... So I called him and he didn't answer, and didn't call me back for over an hour... When he finally got there I didn't hardly talk to him or return his affection because I was so annoyed that the "plans" got screwed up. :steam:

    SJs and their need to stick to plans... :rolli:


  5. #15
    PEST that STEPs on PETS stellar renegade's Avatar
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    ROFL. Glad you can laugh at that. She's so serious about sticking to plans. I'm hoping she lightens up just a bit, although I have to say that communication is optimal. But she still gets upset even when I let her know what's going on. Not at me, just the situation. It happened to us last night, too. I got stuck at work way longer than I thought I'd be.
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  6. #16
    Senior Member Chaotic Harmony's Avatar
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    I tend to be okay with plans being broken. I might get a little bummed if I was super excited about something... But as long as I'm notified I'm okay. It's times like yesterday where I'm sitting around scratching my head wondering why he hasn't called or dropped by that upset me.


  7. #17
    PEST that STEPs on PETS stellar renegade's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kymbirleigh View Post
    I tend to be okay with plans being broken. I might get a little bummed if I was super excited about something... But as long as I'm notified I'm okay. It's times like yesterday where I'm sitting around scratching my head wondering why he hasn't called or dropped by that upset me.
    Well yeah, or when he's uncertain when he can pull away and the time just drags on... right?
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  8. #18
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    I'm going with definite ESFP.
    I still say that adulthood and parenthood makes everyone seem more J. We also have the tertiary Te which J's us in the end. If you get to know ESFP's and ESFJ's very well, you will find that we are very similar on the surface but very very different in our thoughts/ and the way that we arrive at how we act. Guardians are guardians for the heck of it, that's their being. Artisans will seem like guardians if it's necessary to act like a guardian to make life easier and more fun. Regarding traditional weddings, a lot of people want that.
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  9. #19
    PEST that STEPs on PETS stellar renegade's Avatar
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    Yep, not always contingent on personality. In fact, my ISFJ doesn't want a traditional wedding, no flare or fluff. She even said something about having a barbecue... hah. I love that gal.
    -stellar renegade
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  10. #20
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stellar renegade View Post
    Hey, Giggly!
    Hey, stellar.

    You sound just like her, hah.

    It's not that you have ideas, it's just that you have certain set ideas and when I'm trying to reason something out, sometimes I get shut down on because it seems like I don't respect her sense of things, I guess -- even though I DO, very much so, it's one reason I love her so much. I think it's usually when there's alot of emotion tied to the subject because she cares about me, but I'm honestly just trying to figure out the best option.

    I don't mean any offense, I just don't understand not reasoning something out. I guess because I used to mostly talk with my dad about decisions and he was an ENTJ. My ESFJ mom was kinda like this, too.

    And it's not just on big decisions, sometimes it's been about what jeans to buy. Then later she regrouped and realized it's probably better to just not be as assertive about that. But then she didn't want to make suggestions at all. It sucks that she's so sensitive, I just want to have a good time with her and think things out with her.
    You're right, it's because there is a lot of emotion tied to the subject, and she cares about you. I wouldn't know how to react in this situation either if I were her, except to just be quiet as to not make things worse. I've always sucked at knowing how to handle extroverts in the best way. I hope her worrying is not bringing you down too though.


    Yeah.

    But then it seems pretty easy for you to not be at ease, sometimes. Thankfully more often than not she is (with my influence ) but maybe the intensity of the bad times makes it seem like it happens more than it does.
    Yes, I think so.

    JK!!! I wouldn't trade having an XSFJ for the world.
    Of course, I agree with you. SFJ+STP =

    Yep. Either that or when she feels traumatized by something, such as me not coming over when she thought I would for some reason or another (usually now because of other obligations).
    Quote Originally Posted by stellar renegade View Post
    Well yeah, or when he's uncertain when he can pull away and the time just drags on... right?
    Yeeeeeeeeeees. Like slow torture! :steam:

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