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  1. #1
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    Default ISTPs and validating others' feelings

    I'll admit it, I'm really terrible at this. I'm so terrible at it that i dont even really know what "this" is, except maybe to explain it as the habit of expressing the type of affections that make someone feel loved. I always seem to forget that this is something a lot of people need whether or not I relate to that need much. My needs tend to be more physical... food, adequately comfortable clothing, sleep/shelter, etc. and I'm good. I think I tend to project these same needs onto other people and assume as long as they have their practical needs met (with additions like feeling comfortably safe and cared for) that they are happy. I feel like I'm on a completely different wavelength where it doesn't occur to me to do this. Just to clarify, it's not actually liking or loving someone, but the active expression of it so that they feel it (seems to be different for everyone). I guess you could call it Fe.

    Anyone else experience this?

  2. #2
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    Hmm, yeah I think ISTPs probably focus on sensory a bit to get others comfortable, and pay less mind to the emotional aspects. That doesn't sound selfish to me exactly though..

    Anyways, I'm fairly sure I don't know what it's like to be ISTP, and I doubt encouraging you to actually get emotional would be a good thing.. If your "Fe" is your inferior, in the same way my Te is, then I know it probably doesn't come out well all the time. You have Ti though, so maybe you can.. bring up these things on an intellectual level in a way (if you saw it was necessary with someone)?

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by KDude View Post
    You have Ti though, so maybe you can.. bring up these things on an intellectual level in a way (if you saw it was necessary with someone)?
    I do try that, but it ends up being an explanation which is still MY preference for understanding people, not theirs. The expression itself meets their needs a lot better, I've learned. My dilemma is... even if I were tuned into that I don't think it would be nearly enough to remain sincere, and I don't want to mislead someone. However this is just how their needs are and these people are too important to me to ignore them.

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    Senior Member Heinel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by foolish heart View Post
    I do try that, but it ends up being an explanation which is still MY preference for understanding people, not theirs. The expression itself meets their needs a lot better, I've learned. My dilemma is... even if I were tuned into that I don't think it would be nearly enough to remain sincere, and I don't want to mislead someone. However this is just how their needs are and these people are too important to me to ignore them.
    If they are too important for you to ignore then you should let them know you. I'm sure they will help you find a happy compromise.
    Check out my blog: http://OrnateRitual.com

  5. #5
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    The annoying thing about being an ISTP is actually verbalizing to someone that you aren't comfortable sharing your feelings with them. That causes epic fail.

  6. #6
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jixmixfix View Post
    annoying
    It is for me too sometimes.. but uh, probably for different reasons. I don't know how people are going to judge my perspective (actually, I often do know, so I don't feel like getting into it).

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    Senior Member Heinel's Avatar
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    Yeah, it is easier done than said.

    For me I sometimes give people stuff I made. You'll have to find out what works for you.

    And then there is this, I'm not sure if it works for everyone but whatever you ended up doing, you can try making it a game of some sort. Say your target is an ISTJ, then your objective would be to out-do the ISTJ's expectation. ENFP? Play mysterious, silence is yes and no together at once >=)

    I find people less intimidating when I think this way.
    Check out my blog: http://OrnateRitual.com

  8. #8
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    One thing that I've learned about ISTPs, even before knowing about MBTI or anything, is to never lay a bunch of emotional crap on them. I really just got that feeling from them and it turned out to be true. The only time I've been able to express my feelings to them without them feeling awkward was when I was brief, not expecting anything out of them and it was obvious that I was feeling kinda crappy at that moment.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

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  9. #9
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    Have you looked into that five love languages stuff at all? It's probably at least a good place to start. Every individual just gives and receives love differently, though there are probably some general categories. I have not read the book(s) directly but I've talked with people who really like the framework presented in it. I suspect there could be some good suggestions in there...
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  10. #10
    Senior Member mcmartinez84's Avatar
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    gromit has a point.

    And I'm with the other ISTPs here. I'm terrible at being emotionally understanding. I invalidate feelings all of the time. I guess I just compartmentalize better or find some form of reasoning for something and then it's all good. It comes off as me being an insensitive jerk, but as far as I'm concerned, the problem is solved....but they're all "wah, wah, my problems, wah, wah" and I never understand why D:
    I 65.63% E 34.38%
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