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  1. #11
    Senior Member FallsPioneer's Avatar
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    I have a 15-year old ESTP cousin, he's been in one relationship so far. He's against cheating, he was taught well, but he did say that the relationship got "boring" really fast, in like a matter of weeks, and the relationship lasted for around two months. He said that it "just ended."

    "Are we still going out?"
    "I don't know." (the girl)

    He's a somewhat shy ESTP, too, but he's told me he's asked out a few girls after being egged on by his friends, rejected each time.

    So I figure given the MBTI letters they might be more likely to cheat than others due to being "sensation-seeking" but it still comes down to the person.
    Still using a needle to break apart a grain of sand.

  2. #12
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    He's only 15.
    One could argue he hasn't had time to cheat.

  3. #13
    Senior Member FallsPioneer's Avatar
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    You are right.

    I just threw it in for the sake of perspective...besides, people are getting boyfriends/girlfriends and losing their virginity earlier and earlier.

    It is probably too early anyway.
    Still using a needle to break apart a grain of sand.

  4. #14
    Senior Member lauranna's Avatar
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    Interesting topic. I am an ISTP and i feel similarly that infidelity is ok in certain situations.
    I mean i realise it is morally wrong and i never have the desire to hurt whoever i am with but i have been unfaithful in the past.

    I think as a general rule an xSTP thinks of sex as purely physical. And finds it very easy to separate sex from love. They like games, they like risks. Why not sleep with someone else just for kicks? When i have done it there is absolutely no emotion involved. Its just a physical thing. Its just like going to do a sport with someone else- Fun. Also i have an innate ability to feel absolutely no guilt over my actions. So i would say that although this doesn't make it right, there is no point in telling the other person about it as that would be cruel and only serve to hurt them, particularly if they didn't understand. And i am never vindictive or looking to cause pain. So I guess if you are a particularly headonistic, thrill seeking member of the xSTP family then you would probably think in a similar way.
    However, having said that, now i have grown up a bit, i am 100% honest when i start seeing someone and explain the openness and casuallness that i require. and then there are no issues- they either take it or leave it.

    I mean i get all the stuff about monogamy and relationships being forever and all that. And i'm sure it works for some people. I just don't ever see it working for me.

  5. #15
    Senior Member Winds of Thor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by aelan View Post
    lol@run. You're courting death, you realise?

    I think a failure to commit, but wanting to have it all, is linked to immaturity, insecurity and selfishness.

    Nothing to do with any type per se, if balanced. Cheating can happen across all types. I hesitate to say one type is more prone to it than another, if a person is mature.

    You could be coming from the viewpoint that a Sensate who likes having options open (P), would be able to rationalise their cheating with their T. But this is rather a stereotype.

    A balanced ESTP would be able to engage their auxilliary Ti function and Fe tertiary to take into consideration others' feelings and have a sound internal values system. So while me-focused, it then comes from the angle that unless I can take care of myself, I cannot take care of others. Ni also means they'd recognise the likely impact of their actions.

    It is more balanced, and not selfish and not out to hurt someone by seeking pure acts of sensory pleasure. And not wilfully hurt someone. ESTPs are impetuous, but they're not cruel.

    So I doubt balanced ESTPs would seek to hurt others the way your friend(s) is(are) doing. Subterfuge is not their game, simply. They'd feel chaffed with the hidden-ness the games would require. They're immediately apparent. Their enthusiasm seeks to be recognised. This means the hidden affairs thing will not bring them the accolades?

    I could believe they'd do a love them and leave them, but I doubt they'd accept the chains of a relationship if they wanted to swing - ESTPs do tend to be quite the charmers. I doubt many have difficulty finding willing partners. So a relationship won't make sense.

    There's not much reason to be bound if they could get more outside. This also means once they are ready to commit, something deeper has touched them and they're not as likely to stray.

    So Not a type thing. An immaturity/selfishness thing.

    Fair enough, but a duck is a duck. Temperament, or distinguishing mental character, spells it out. They are inclined to make daily committments. They are not inclined to be in it for the Long-term. Their sensory function combined with their perception function and low J add up to being in a relationship for a physical payout, sustaining it not for commitment to the mate, but for sensationalist, physical payout. Not to be confused with commitment. How is that not?

  6. #16
    Senior Member "?"'s Avatar
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    Uhh..... did anyone think to ask how the poster came to the conclusion that her friend was ESTP? Did this person take a test and confirm or is this another ameteur speed read laced with assumptions? I think that what has been said about the friend could go for most extraverted types and probably some IF types with dependency problems.
    Last edited by "?"; 02-02-2009 at 11:13 AM.

  7. #17
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Here's the deal. Outside of reckless, wanton lust as in a one night stand, most of the time people that cheat have a reason for it.

    This does not excuse the act, or justify it, but it is a reality in many cases.

    ESTPs are pretty damn attention hungry, we love to interact with our spouses, we love to play around and have fun. If we are ignored, shut out, or even worse given the cold shoulder time and time again we are prone to feeling rejected, lonely, and miserable. Feeling as such is completely against our nature, it is essentially death to our innately gleeful psyche. So, in such instances, one might seek warmth elsewhere if the fire they are near is cold too often, or too long.

    I have read many times women cheat on their husbands/boyfriends because of a lack of emotional bond/emotional support. This can happen for men too. We are expected to give our all in this day and age and many times do not get near the kudos our forefathers gleened from their relationships. It's a sad fact of romance's evolution in the past 75 years.

  8. #18
    Senior Member FantailedWall's Avatar
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    Hmmm. Given me an interesting insight into certain things I never really thought about in respect to type-psychology....

    One of my dearest friends is an ESTP, and whilst she believes cheating is terrible I distinctly remember her making a comment that I morally disagree with, but she can find nothing wrong with, being:
    "If you cheat, and it means nothing - why would you tell your partner? It'll just cause them pain and it's not worth it."

    Me, holding honesty in a very high regard kind of went: .
    However, it's probably important to note that she had applied her personal brand of logic by adding that admitting to cheating is guilt-alleviation, and thus selfish. If it meant nothing, it'll just cause your partner pain to know and you're being selfish by needing to 'get your sin off your chest', so to speak.

    (And no - this is not a comment as an aftermath of her cheating and needing to justify it to herself. And yes - she actually believes this)

    Also interesting to note is our very different reasons on why we have trouble committing, and tend towards 'flings'. She gets bored with most guys after a couple of months - occasionally more. I, on the other hand, am super-picky in the first place due to my idealism - and whilst in a relationship, am always seeing the possibilities of 'what I'm missing out on'/searching for an idealistic 'more'.
    Funny how such a trait we both possess appears so similar on the surface, but the unconscious reasoning behind it so different.

  9. #19
    Senior Member "?"'s Avatar
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    Again, the cart is being put before the horse it sounds like in looking at the person and saying they must be ESTP based on stereotype. Girlnamedbless, how was it determined that your friend is indeed ESTP?

  10. #20
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    I dont fault the person for cheating in this case, I fault them for hiding it. Dont just keep it going so you can get something out of it. They are just staying to get a free ride which to me is crap. While I may hide things the reason is different. In my value system this falls under the law "do not hide something so you can take advantage of someone elses kindness."

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