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Thread: Question for ISFP's

  1. #11
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    Jun 2010

    Default I had an ISFP too (I am INTP)

    Hi INTPness. I can't tell if you are a guy or a girl (no clue if that's shown anywhere on the profiles). I am an INTP guy who had a story with an ISFP girl. I don't have much in the way of an answer to your question but I just wanted to add my experience here. Dealing with her was completely impossible because of her irrational and impulsive behavior. She would agree to break up one day and the next message me while drunk saying I am the love of her life and that she knows because she went to the bar to try to talk to other guys (this while we still hadn't officially "broken up"). Overall I found interaction with this type extremely irritating and just a continuous barrage of emotional disturbance, jealousy, insecurity projected onto me with violent storms of negative and accusatory comments...

    I'm sure there are many ISFPs who are more mature than her, she also had attachment problems so it was a particularly bad case. In my case it was hard to leave because I could see a vulnerable soul with a genuine desire to belong and to be loved, behind the crazy and desperate facade and the daily turmoil. However I decided in the end that the best solution for both of us is not be around each other. My good heart and desire not to hurt ended up being an excuse for her to launch her attacks with increasing frequency and intensity.

    You seem to be looking for a way to avoid conflict and fix everything, however your ISFP may well *require* the painful emotions of separation to be "clear and over" with the relationship. I have no idea whether I will be notified of replies to my posts so if you want to chat about it send me a pm.

  2. #12
    Junior Member Array
    Join Date
    Aug 2010


    I'm really sorry for necro'ing this thread but I just got out (and by just got out I mean literally right now after reading the original post) of this exact same situation except I was the attached ISFP, the only difference being he was ENTP - not INTP...and that this is a homosexual relationship. :P

    My ENTP partner sucks and I mean suuuuucks at talking about feelings. Any mention of feelings in a conversation and he automatically gets uncomfortable and silent so I try not to do that to him. Couple that with the fact that he's still confused and conflicted about his possible bisexuality (he thought he was 100% straight until he started having feelings for me) means it's almost impossible to start a relationship. He has told me a few times that he does have romantic feelings for me but it's all too confusing for him and he doesn't know what to think of it.

    I liked him a lot, possibly even loved him, so I was willing to wait for him to decide. I didn't push him because I hated making him uncomfortable; I wanted him to be as happy and content as possible. After many months of waiting and waiting for him to get comfortable with his sexuality I grew bitter and distant as I started to realize he's not going to change any time soon but he still tells me that he likes me more than just a friend and that he cares for me a lot.

    Our interactions changed over time for the worse as I became more bitter and distant until finally our conversations have turned to small talks and one word replies. We hit rock bottom and it was at this point when I decided, "Screw this BS. I'm tired of it and I'm going to end whatever this is one way or another." So I e-mailed him everything that I felt and finally asked him if he wanted to pursue a relationship with me. The ultimate answer was no because of "school" but we both knew it was more than just that. I didn't press on any further and just accepted that we couldn't do it.

    Things were rocky between us for a while but we finally resolved it and we both decided that we're going to stay as "just friends" again. We both mentioned how we missed how we used to talk and reminisced about when things were great.

    This is the part where my experience mirrors INTPness' experience with his ISFP partner.

    Now that we're "just friends" we started talking like how we used to and I almost immediately grew attached again. I became more and more attached and I started talking about, as INTPness said, personal things to him again. And whenever I start talking about those personal things he becomes silent and I'm forced to change the subject because he becomes unresponsive. I was annoyed every time he did it but thanks to this thread I realized what I'd been doing and what he's probably feeling.

    It sucks. I'm sad, of course, but I'm confident to say that I'm over it now and I can continue my friendship with him and there wouldn't be any romantic feelings involved.

    I thought there was a chance for a relationship to grow when we started to talk like we used to and I'm sure that's how INTPness' partner felt as well. She probably miscontrued your intentions and thought you liked her romantically again. That's what I thought in my situation. :P

    You can't really tell her what the situation is without hurting her feelings. I would feel the same way if it happened to me. There is no safe way to tell her without hurting her feelings...unless you show her this thread. :P Serious.

    To be honest, my advice to anyone dealing with ISFP's in this same situation? Show them this thread. Really. It won't hurt their feelings and they'll realize what they're doing.

    EDIT: Bahhhh that's a scary wall of text. I'm sorry!

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