User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 74

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    44

    Default Trying to get along with ESFP ex wife?

    I've been dating this guy for a few years now and he has an ESFP ex wife. I'm trying really hard to just be civil with her, but it seem impossible... she acts really immature about the situation and still "can't handle" seeing us together, even though she's the one who left him for someone else. They don't have any kids, but she's very close with a few people in the family and still has what you would call partial custody of their dogs (yeah, i know...), so she's around quite often.

    She shows a lot of the negative ESFP traits that I just can't relate to or understand... Always gossiping. God, I can't stand that. Very self-centered, superficial, talks just to hear herself speak, manipulative, loves drama, lacks substance (everything is about fashion and the way people look), etc. She cries on the spot and still tries to get between my bf and I at times, but he usually just blows her off. We have a solid relationship, so this is more of an annoying issue for me. I feel like her and I have nothing in common and I can see right through her fake exterior. How do I learn to deal with her when she's always concerned with our lives and gossips about me all of the time? I've always been the type of person who just ignores/doesn't associate with people like her, but it looks like I have no choice but to learn to accept her being somewhat in the picture... at least for a while.

    ...and why can't she be one of the "healthy" ESFPs I read about?! They sound like fun.

  2. #2
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    enfp
    Enneagram
    6w7 sp/sx
    Socionics
    IEE
    Posts
    6,748

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by whynot View Post
    I've been dating this guy for a few years now and he has an ESFP ex wife. I'm trying really hard to just be civil with her, but it seem impossible... she acts really immature about the situation and still "can't handle" seeing us together, even though she's the one who left him for someone else. They don't have any kids, but she's very close with a few people in the family and still has what you would call partial custody of their dogs (yeah, i know...), so she's around quite often.

    She shows a lot of the negative ESFP traits that I just can't relate to or understand... Always gossiping. God, I can't stand that. Very self-centered, superficial, talks just to hear herself speak, manipulative, loves drama, lacks substance (everything is about fashion and the way people look), etc. She cries on the spot and still tries to get between my bf and I at times, but he usually just blows her off. We have a solid relationship, so this is more of an annoying issue for me. I feel like her and I have nothing in common and I can see right through her fake exterior. How do I learn to deal with her when she's always concerned with our lives and gossips about me all of the time? I've always been the type of person who just ignores/doesn't associate with people like her, but it looks like I have no choice but to learn to accept her being somewhat in the picture... at least for a while.

    ...and why can't she be one of the "healthy" ESFPs I read about?! They sound like fun.
    Aww man. What the heck is the family keeping her around for? Because of the dog thing? I wouldn't associate with her at all if possible. Just completely ignore her even when she's around, just pretend she's not there. And maybe she'll go away.
    06/13 10:51:03 five sounds: you!!!
    06/13 10:51:08 shortnsweet: no you!!
    06/13 10:51:12 shortnsweet: go do your things and my things too!
    06/13 10:51:23 five sounds: oh hell naw
    06/13 10:51:55 shortnsweet: !!!!
    06/13 10:51:57 shortnsweet: (cries)
    06/13 10:52:19 RiftsWRX: You two are like furbies stuck in a shoe box

    My Nohari
    My Johari
    by sns.

  3. #3
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    44

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by shortnsweet View Post
    Aww man. What the heck is the family keeping her around for? Because of the dog thing? I wouldn't associate with her at all if possible. Just completely ignore her even when she's around, just pretend she's not there. And maybe she'll go away.
    my bf's sister-in-law is best friends with her, so she's not going anywhere. the worst part is, everything we do or say gets back to his ex b/c of her. it's like being in high school again, but in my 30s! good stuff. she's at all their kid's b-day parties and whatnot.

    i do try to ignore her as best as i can, but that's not my style and it's hard when she never stops talking... i don't hate the woman, i just want to move on. i guess pretending she's not there is the only thing i can do. thanks

  4. #4
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    FREE
    Enneagram
    594 sx/sp
    Socionics
    LII Ne
    Posts
    42,333

    Default

    My son is ESFP and it's the same sort of thing... although he's only almost 14, so he has an excuse.

    There's a lot of drama in the life of ESFPs, I think.

    Further issues?

    Because of their personality, they can't really contain intense emotions, including bad ones: When they feel yucky, everyone around them ends up feeling yucky too, unless they go hide somewhere (which isn't necessarily good for them).

    And because they tend to be into (1) the physical sensation of things coupled with the emotions/values and the impact of those things on the physical body and (2) not really great with restraint/self-control, they have a lot of trouble reining in emotional impulse. Other types have some strengths that are helpful, whether it is amazing self-discipline (like your ISxJs) or social/structural constraints (ESxJs) or some sort of abstracted logic to which their emotions and body responses are subservient (IxTPs), etc.

    Even if my son understands the logic of a situation or what is expected of him, those things are not the priority -- self-expression of his emotional state and passions is.

    Emotional trauma can be hard for an ESFP to find a way through.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  5. #5
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    44

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    My son is ESFP and it's the same sort of thing... although he's only almost 14, so he has an excuse.

    There's a lot of drama in the life of ESFPs, I think.

    Further issues?

    Because of their personality, they can't really contain intense emotions, including bad ones: When they feel yucky, everyone around them ends up feeling yucky too, unless they go hide somewhere (which isn't necessarily good for them).

    And because they tend to be into (1) the physical sensation of things coupled with the emotions/values and the impact of those things on the physical body and (2) not really great with restraint/self-control, they have a lot of trouble reining in emotional impulse.

    Even if my son understands the logic of a situation or what is expected of him, those things are not the priority -- self-expression of his emotional state and passions is.

    Emotional trauma can be hard for an ESFP to find a way through.
    Thanks for the insight. Sometimes the uncomfortable vibe is so strong I wonder if she's doing it just for the attention or if she really can't help it. Do you think the gossiping is her way of dealing with things, or is it just something that I should get used to? I've known her for quite a while (years before I even knew my bf) and she always came off as dramatic and insincere. But she still had that "fun" side to her that was likable by most people. It's hard to describe. Anyway, I distanced myself from her then, but always assumed it was from some insecurities she had or something. Maybe I'm wrong... I don't know. I just really can't relate to her at all!

  6. #6
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ISFJ
    Posts
    6,020

    Default

    Wait so the sister-in-law is best friends with her, so what? Do you all live together or something?

  7. #7
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    44

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    Wait so the sister-in-law is best friends with her, so what? Do you all live together or something?
    My bf's brother's wife is best friends with her and very close with her whole family... And because she was married to my bf for years, they are all still very close.

    Complicated, I know.

  8. #8
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    enfp
    Enneagram
    6w7 sp/sx
    Socionics
    IEE
    Posts
    6,748

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by whynot View Post
    My bf's brother's wife is best friends with her and very close with her whole family... And because she was married to my bf for years, they are all still very close.

    Complicated, I know.
    She's your BF's brother's wife's BFF and also your BF's BFF. This is all quite scandalous and intriguing!

    (Really, I just like to say BFF.)
    06/13 10:51:03 five sounds: you!!!
    06/13 10:51:08 shortnsweet: no you!!
    06/13 10:51:12 shortnsweet: go do your things and my things too!
    06/13 10:51:23 five sounds: oh hell naw
    06/13 10:51:55 shortnsweet: !!!!
    06/13 10:51:57 shortnsweet: (cries)
    06/13 10:52:19 RiftsWRX: You two are like furbies stuck in a shoe box

    My Nohari
    My Johari
    by sns.

  9. #9
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    44

    Default

    Ha... no, sorry I should clarify... the ex is close with the SIL and some of his family, but not him. They only communicate when necessary... he's about as non-scandalous as they come.

  10. #10
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ESTP
    Enneagram
    7w8 sx/so
    Socionics
    SLE
    Posts
    6,927

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by whynot View Post
    I've been dating this guy for a few years now and he has an ESFP ex wife. I'm trying really hard to just be civil with her, but it seem impossible... she acts really immature about the situation and still "can't handle" seeing us together, even though she's the one who left him for someone else. They don't have any kids, but she's very close with a few people in the family and still has what you would call partial custody of their dogs (yeah, i know...), so she's around quite often.

    She shows a lot of the negative ESFP traits that I just can't relate to or understand... Always gossiping. God, I can't stand that. Very self-centered, superficial, talks just to hear herself speak, manipulative, loves drama, lacks substance (everything is about fashion and the way people look), etc. She cries on the spot and still tries to get between my bf and I at times, but he usually just blows her off. We have a solid relationship, so this is more of an annoying issue for me. I feel like her and I have nothing in common and I can see right through her fake exterior. How do I learn to deal with her when she's always concerned with our lives and gossips about me all of the time? I've always been the type of person who just ignores/doesn't associate with people like her, but it looks like I have no choice but to learn to accept her being somewhat in the picture... at least for a while.

    ...and why can't she be one of the "healthy" ESFPs I read about?! They sound like fun.
    Next time she's at your house and you have a moment alone with her push her against the wall and put your teeth on one of her jugular veins and tell her if she ever misbehaves again that you will bite her throat out of her neck and spit it in the toilet.
    --------------------
    Type Stats:
    MBTI -> (E) 77.14% | (i) 22.86% ; (S) 60% | (n) 40% ; (T) 72.22% | (f) 27.78% ; (P) 51.43% | (j) 48.57%
    BIG 5 -> Extroversion 77% ; Accommodation 60% ; Orderliness 62% ; Emotional Stability 64% ; Open Mindedness 74%

    Quotes:
    "If somebody asks your MBTI type on a first date, run". -Donna Cecilia
    "Enneagram is psychological underpinnings. Cognitive Functions are mental reasoning and perceptional processes. -Sanjuro

Similar Threads

  1. [Jung] Which Type Is Hardest to get along with?
    By ChocTiramisu in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 39
    Last Post: 11-27-2017, 08:43 PM
  2. [ESTJ] How to get along with ESTJ's
    By INTPness in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 49
    Last Post: 12-30-2010, 01:09 PM
  3. [MBTItm] easier to get on with a stupid S than a clever S?
    By Il Morto Qui Parla in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 30
    Last Post: 03-09-2009, 06:16 PM
  4. [MBTItm] How do you get along with the SJs?
    By nolla in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 27
    Last Post: 06-05-2008, 03:13 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO