User Tag List

12 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 13

  1. #1
    half-nut member briochick's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    eNFP
    Enneagram
    ;) sx
    Socionics
    ENFp
    Posts
    637

    Default can you help me out?

    Hey lovely SPs.
    I was hoping that some advice could be offered on my ESFP sister. She is 19 and currently has a track record of bad decisions. Particularly she seems to choose people who will betray her as friends, and makes enemies easily.

    As an xNFP her and I don't relate at all. I don't know why she does what she does or where she's coming from. She's also the youngest and I'm the oldest with 7 years between us. It doesn't make for a lot of relating.

    However, being her big sister, I worry, and I want the best for her life.

    I know that ESFPs can make good decisions because I've met ones that did.
    I was just wondering is there something I can say, or perhaps a series of things, or maybe something that I can direct her to, that will let her see that making good decisions is better even if the bad ones are more fun in the moment?

    I know that maybe making her own mistakes will eventually lead her to the right answer, but that's a really painful way to go about it and she's a slow life-learner, I'd like to try and spare her that if I can.
    -Brio

    "I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life; I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well."
    -Teddy Roosevelt
    ___________________

  2. #2
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    8,263

    Default

    Yeah, sometimes SPs tend to learn the hard way, I think.. BUT... if you are going to give her advice, try to use examples maybe? Whether your own stories or someone else's (hell, even fiction preferably, with pictures... j/k). Like, don't veer off in idealistic/moralistic/intellectual speak.. and don't make her feel too judged either.

    You may not even get through.. I don't get along much with my older bro (he's also 7 yrs older)...and I think he's an SP himself. Maybe it needs to be someone else to show her.

  3. #3

    Default

    I think SP tend to learn through experience. You can learn through others experience too. So, kdude's advice on using examples is good. Reading about people's lives is good. I enjoy reading about tactics too. That has helped me a lot.

  4. #4
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    8,263

    Default

    Just want to clarify, I like idealistic (for lack of a better word) types of communication myself, but it took experience for me to come around first. I remember people would try to give me a talk back in the day, and i didn't appreciate it fully.

  5. #5
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Enneagram
    827 sp/so
    Posts
    20,131

    Default

    I've never really had a problem communicating with xNFPs

    however, I AM good at making bad decisions... I occasionally learn from them!

    don't know how to prevent people from making mistakes though
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  6. #6
    it's tea time! Walking Tourist's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    esfp
    Enneagram
    7
    Posts
    1,452

    Default

    I too have made my share of bad decisions and mistakes. I learn (eventually) from my own mistakes. Experience is my best teacher. But I usually don't make the same mistake twice!!!
    Your sister has to find her own way. It is great that you are so supportive but, if she is anything like me, she has to learn from her own experiences.
    Best of luck!
    Stay supportive! Even if she doesn't say so, she needs support!
    I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle and here is my spout. Every time I steam up, I give a shout. Just tip me over and pour me out.

  7. #7
    half-nut member briochick's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    eNFP
    Enneagram
    ;) sx
    Socionics
    ENFp
    Posts
    637

    Default

    thanks for your comments guys.
    -Brio

    "I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life; I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well."
    -Teddy Roosevelt
    ___________________

  8. #8
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    MBTI
    ESFP
    Enneagram
    7w6 sx
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    6,727

    Default

    I'm faced with a similar situation in my ESTP son, even though he's only almost 11, he already thinks he's a teenager, and that time will come soon enough.

    Really, in a non-parent role, the only thing you can do is try to be the best example you can be, and steer her in better directions whenever possible. If you present enough positive alternatives, then she has less time for more destructive choices. It's the same concept I've learned of filling with your body with enough good food that you don't have room for much junk food.

    But just as i will occasionally eat greasy pizza and soda, SPs WILL make some not-so-wise decisions on other things, as was already said, it's just how we learn, and the excitement of the unknown and the risk of it all is what gets our blood going, even if it's not all the time.

    Sorry I can't be more help, but I see these types of questions here in this section a lot, and I try to keep my answers from being generic, even though they're basically pretty much the same response every time.
    Jeffster Illustrates the Artisan Temperament <---- click here

    "I like the sigs with quotes in them from other forum members." -- Oberon

    The SP Spazz Youtube Channel

  9. #9
    ¡MI TORTA! Amethyst's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    MBTI
    ESTP
    Enneagram
    7w8 so/sx
    Socionics
    SLE Ti
    Posts
    2,182

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by briochick View Post
    Hey lovely SPs.
    I was hoping that some advice could be offered on my ESFP sister. She is 19 and currently has a track record of bad decisions. Particularly she seems to choose people who will betray her as friends, and makes enemies easily.
    Just out of curiosity, but is it something she's doing to cause this? Or is it actually her friends who just are...well, shitty friends?

    But about her, I've seen that usually SP's learn from doing something, not so much listening to someone.

  10. #10
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    MBTI
    ISTP
    Enneagram
    9w8 sp/sx
    Posts
    1,636

    Default

    uhh, yeah...just smile at her as she fries her hand on the hot stove.






    seriously

Similar Threads

  1. [MBTItm] Can you help me figure out this ExxP (probably ENFP) ?
    By manicpixiedream in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 09-30-2017, 09:40 AM
  2. Can you help me figure out my Myers Briggs personality type?
    By treetophideaway in forum What's my Type?
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 02-10-2017, 07:34 PM
  3. Can you help me find out which one I am?
    By dani in forum What's my Type?
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 05-14-2013, 12:32 AM
  4. [ENFJ] ENFJs can you help me out?
    By Owlette in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 03-10-2013, 01:28 AM
  5. Can you help me out? :)
    By JRT in forum What's my Type?
    Replies: 22
    Last Post: 01-28-2009, 09:33 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO