I have been dating an istp for 5 years and we lived together.
Seemed to be going well, he was comfortable enough with the level of commitment we had, I could be a little insecure at times as he had difficulty with talking if we ever had a little problem or disagreement (this meant they tended to drag on sometimes). He did have issues with cannabis use (are istps stressed? he said it relaxed him as he works on the phone all day and has to 'switch off'?).
We had a huge row, he got very angry because I interrupted something he was trying to say (so annoyed at myself - he was opening up!) and shut down. He seemed very tetchy due to not having any cannabis. I started to cry, I shouted, he lost it. We broke up.
He has tried to not contact me but always emails me and keeps in touch. Says he doesn't 'want to break up, feels we have to'.
Is there a way I can reach out to him in istp language and try to get him to sort this mess out? He says he still loves me and misses me, but feels I should be with somebody different and I'll realise soon I deserve someone 'better'?
Are istps usually so self deprecating? I am very confused. I believe every personality type can get along so long as both people put effort in? I am his first and only girlfriend btw and I am 29 he is 27. I wonder if our problem is cannabis or communication, or both?! I would like to sort things out if he is not smoking anymore.