User Tag List

12 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 13

Thread: ESFP question

  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    May 2010
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    4

    Default ESFP question

    So I have this ESFP friend, this ESFP best friend who claims to be in love with me. Problem is, I simply cannot see her being happy with me, and I'm *this* close to telling her goodbye and forget about me. Although I know this will hurt the both of us initially to a great degree, I believe this will be most beneficial to her in the long run. Am I making a mistake? Should I not do this? I will supply any additional information needed to elp with my little problem.

  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    MBTI
    ISTP
    Enneagram
    9w8 sp/sx
    Posts
    1,636

    Default

    Sounds like YOU'VE got a big case of the cold feets.

    Two people of any type can have a meaningful relationship.

    Unless there's a "deal breaker" that's just annoying the crap out of you.

    I say go with it! Just see what flows and enjoy it while it last...it might even last a great great while.

    Stop worrying about being "good enough" if that is indeed the case...and tell yourself "I'm good enough." I want to see what happens.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4sop
    Socionics
    IEE
    Posts
    1,505

    Default

    Why don't you think she will be happy with you? Are you too cerebral for her? Is she too outgoing for you? You two are best friends and you didn't put that you are not attracted to her, so it is possible for the relationship to work. My friend ISFJ was with an INTP for a while and I can see the NT and SF problems, but they were very happy though very different. Explain yourself.

    And even if you don't want to get into a relationship, do you have to say good-bye? Isn't the friendship worth working through?

  4. #4
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    May 2010
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    4

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Rebe View Post
    Why don't you think she will be happy with you? Are you too cerebral for her? Is she too outgoing for you? You two are best friends and you didn't put that you are not attracted to her, so it is possible for the relationship to work. My friend ISFJ was with an INTP for a while and I can see the NT and SF problems, but they were very happy though very different. Explain yourself.

    And even if you don't want to get into a relationship, do you have to say good-bye? Isn't the friendship worth working through?
    I don't see her happy with me because I'm just so worthless. I can't give her anything.
    I feel as though I do have to say goodbye. No point in her wasting herself on a loser like me. She deserves someone who can actually DO something for her. And I love her as well, so I want to do what will ultimately make her happy.

  5. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    MBTI
    ISTP
    Enneagram
    9w8 sp/sx
    Posts
    1,636

    Default

    I see I had a pretty good read as to feeling "not good enough".

    That's something you need to work with and overcome within yourself. Otherwise, you'll cheat yourself out of a lot of opportunities to expand and grow. Feed that "good enough" comfort zone.

    She'd probably think it were sweet you where having those feelings of wanting to be more for her. Maybe you should talk about it with her...? I don't know...

    I think a female could give a lot better advice in such a scenario...

    Steve Pavlina Audio is something I listen to sometimes. His youth was difficult and he needed to make some changes to get the life that he wanted. You can't get there unless you take a chance and partner with others on the journey.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4sop
    Socionics
    IEE
    Posts
    1,505

    Default

    I don't see her happy with me because I'm just so worthless. I can't give her anything.
    I feel as though I do have to say goodbye. No point in her wasting herself on a loser like me. She deserves someone who can actually DO something for her. And I love her as well, so I want to do what will ultimately make her happy.
    Don't be dumb. How many chances do you think you will get in a lifetime like this? Are you going to let both of you be miserable or you are going to try and Make yourself into someone worthwhile? She wouldn't be in love with you if she doesn't see some merit and potential in you.

    See, we are not born as extraordinary babies, we make ourselves competent and unique and whatnot. A large part of growing and becoming more mature and capable has to do with trying new experiences and taking a chance.

    She has faith in you and you can either let her down or step up. I know this is hard, I struggle with this too. But to face tough situations is what makes us ultimately "worthwhile". If you two don't work out in the end, you will have gained valuable knowledge and experience. You would have known you gave this a chance and tried your best.

    Maybe you rather harbor it as some sort of secret, idealistic dream and find comfort in it. I agree that you should talk to her, lay it out there, listen to what she has to say, clearly state your areas of concern...

    No pain, no gain, no risk, no reward. It's not like you are worried about ruining your best-friendship anyway since you are just going to let it go.

    This is something I would say to myself.

    Recently, I gave a guy a chance and myself a chance. It didn't work out and when it didn't, it was like being hit with a book full of my weaknesses and worthlessness. But I got over it in uhm two days because I told myself that I could either make myself feel bad or I accept it without the past garbage and appreciate myself for not letting this be some sort of weird, idealistic thing in the back of my mind and giving this a chance. How good I was at it is debatable, but I did my best... and now I don't 'wonder' about it anymore.

  7. #7
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    enfp
    Enneagram
    6w7 sp/sx
    Socionics
    IEE
    Posts
    6,748

    Default

    I don't think anyone would be happy with someone who has such a low self esteem- or someone who is hell bent on sabotaging something potentially great. You should work on that terrible attitude before attempting a relationship with anyone!
    06/13 10:51:03 five sounds: you!!!
    06/13 10:51:08 shortnsweet: no you!!
    06/13 10:51:12 shortnsweet: go do your things and my things too!
    06/13 10:51:23 five sounds: oh hell naw
    06/13 10:51:55 shortnsweet: !!!!
    06/13 10:51:57 shortnsweet: (cries)
    06/13 10:52:19 RiftsWRX: You two are like furbies stuck in a shoe box

    My Nohari
    My Johari
    by sns.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Ming's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    2w3
    Socionics
    ENFP
    Posts
    491

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Zer0 View Post
    I don't see her happy with me because I'm just so worthless. I can't give her anything.
    I feel as though I do have to say goodbye. No point in her wasting herself on a loser like me. She deserves someone who can actually DO something for her. And I love her as well, so I want to do what will ultimately make her happy.
    We all have our differences. We learn to rely/connect when we find it in someone else. You might not see it, but you have something that she likes. And if you like something that is in her, then the bond is complete.

    Nobody is 'worthless'. A relationship requires trust, and if you can't trust yourself, how can you trust her? She trusts you; so you need to trust yourself. Same with love.

    (But then again, this hasn't happened to me yet, so my advice has no proof...)

  9. #9
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Enneagram
    827 sp/so
    Posts
    20,130

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by shortnsweet View Post
    I don't think anyone would be happy with someone who has such a low self esteem- or someone who is hell bent on sabotaging something potentially great. You should work on that terrible attitude before attempting a relationship with anyone!


    the cliche "you've got to love yourself before you can love others" is pretty true... build up some confidence in yourself, if you don't you'll never feel worth being with her... and she'll know

    I was in a relationship with a guy who didn't feel equal before for quite a while- trying to boost him up was wearing on me...

    you're worth it
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  10. #10

    Default

    Whether or not you have something to offer the other person is not for you to decide. You do your best and pay attention to what you get. If she says she wants to be with you that means she does and means you do have something to offer. If you start thinking that way you'll soon spiral into oblivion.

Similar Threads

  1. [ESFP] Questions about ESFP
    By blanclait in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: 02-08-2011, 10:36 AM
  2. [MBTItm] question to ESFPs/ESTPs
    By b4b in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 07-14-2009, 07:02 PM
  3. [ESFP] Counterpart for an ESFP
    By Varelse in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 71
    Last Post: 02-23-2009, 10:04 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO