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[ESFP] ESFP question

Zer0

New member
Joined
May 1, 2010
Messages
4
MBTI Type
INTP
So I have this ESFP friend, this ESFP best friend who claims to be in love with me. Problem is, I simply cannot see her being happy with me, and I'm *this* close to telling her goodbye and forget about me. Although I know this will hurt the both of us initially to a great degree, I believe this will be most beneficial to her in the long run. Am I making a mistake? Should I not do this? I will supply any additional information needed to elp with my little problem.
 

sLiPpY

New member
Joined
Oct 14, 2009
Messages
2,003
MBTI Type
ISTP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Sounds like YOU'VE got a big case of the cold feets. :yes:

Two people of any type can have a meaningful relationship.

Unless there's a "deal breaker" that's just annoying the crap out of you.

I say go with it! Just see what flows and enjoy it while it last...it might even last a great great while.

Stop worrying about being "good enough" if that is indeed the case...and tell yourself "I'm good enough." I want to see what happens.
 

Rebe

New member
Joined
Nov 15, 2009
Messages
1,431
MBTI Type
INFP
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4sop
Why don't you think she will be happy with you? Are you too cerebral for her? Is she too outgoing for you? You two are best friends and you didn't put that you are not attracted to her, so it is possible for the relationship to work. My friend ISFJ was with an INTP for a while and I can see the NT and SF problems, but they were very happy though very different. Explain yourself. :)

And even if you don't want to get into a relationship, do you have to say good-bye? Isn't the friendship worth working through?
 

Zer0

New member
Joined
May 1, 2010
Messages
4
MBTI Type
INTP
Why don't you think she will be happy with you? Are you too cerebral for her? Is she too outgoing for you? You two are best friends and you didn't put that you are not attracted to her, so it is possible for the relationship to work. My friend ISFJ was with an INTP for a while and I can see the NT and SF problems, but they were very happy though very different. Explain yourself. :)

And even if you don't want to get into a relationship, do you have to say good-bye? Isn't the friendship worth working through?

I don't see her happy with me because I'm just so worthless. I can't give her anything.
I feel as though I do have to say goodbye. No point in her wasting herself on a loser like me. She deserves someone who can actually DO something for her. And I love her as well, so I want to do what will ultimately make her happy.
 

sLiPpY

New member
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Messages
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I see I had a pretty good read as to feeling "not good enough".

That's something you need to work with and overcome within yourself. Otherwise, you'll cheat yourself out of a lot of opportunities to expand and grow. Feed that "good enough" comfort zone.

She'd probably think it were sweet you where having those feelings of wanting to be more for her. Maybe you should talk about it with her...? I don't know...

I think a female could give a lot better advice in such a scenario...

Steve Pavlina Audio is something I listen to sometimes. His youth was difficult and he needed to make some changes to get the life that he wanted. You can't get there unless you take a chance and partner with others on the journey.
 

Rebe

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1,431
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I don't see her happy with me because I'm just so worthless. I can't give her anything.
I feel as though I do have to say goodbye. No point in her wasting herself on a loser like me. She deserves someone who can actually DO something for her. And I love her as well, so I want to do what will ultimately make her happy.

Don't be dumb. How many chances do you think you will get in a lifetime like this? Are you going to let both of you be miserable or you are going to try and Make yourself into someone worthwhile? She wouldn't be in love with you if she doesn't see some merit and potential in you.

See, we are not born as extraordinary babies, we make ourselves competent and unique and whatnot. A large part of growing and becoming more mature and capable has to do with trying new experiences and taking a chance.

She has faith in you and you can either let her down or step up. I know this is hard, I struggle with this too. But to face tough situations is what makes us ultimately "worthwhile". If you two don't work out in the end, you will have gained valuable knowledge and experience. You would have known you gave this a chance and tried your best.

Maybe you rather harbor it as some sort of secret, idealistic dream and find comfort in it. I agree that you should talk to her, lay it out there, listen to what she has to say, clearly state your areas of concern...

No pain, no gain, no risk, no reward. It's not like you are worried about ruining your best-friendship anyway since you are just going to let it go.

This is something I would say to myself.

Recently, I gave a guy a chance and myself a chance. It didn't work out and when it didn't, it was like being hit with a book full of my weaknesses and worthlessness. But I got over it in uhm two days because I told myself that I could either make myself feel bad or I accept it without the past garbage and appreciate myself for not letting this be some sort of weird, idealistic thing in the back of my mind and giving this a chance. How good I was at it is debatable, but I did my best... and now I don't 'wonder' about it anymore.
 

King sns

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Nov 4, 2008
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I don't think anyone would be happy with someone who has such a low self esteem- or someone who is hell bent on sabotaging something potentially great. You should work on that terrible attitude before attempting a relationship with anyone!
 

Ming

New member
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Apr 7, 2010
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483
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
2w3
I don't see her happy with me because I'm just so worthless. I can't give her anything.
I feel as though I do have to say goodbye. No point in her wasting herself on a loser like me. She deserves someone who can actually DO something for her. And I love her as well, so I want to do what will ultimately make her happy.
We all have our differences. We learn to rely/connect when we find it in someone else. You might not see it, but you have something that she likes. And if you like something that is in her, then the bond is complete.

Nobody is 'worthless'. A relationship requires trust, and if you can't trust yourself, how can you trust her? She trusts you; so you need to trust yourself. Same with love.

(But then again, this hasn't happened to me yet, so my advice has no proof...)
 

miss fortune

not to be trusted
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Oct 4, 2007
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I don't think anyone would be happy with someone who has such a low self esteem- or someone who is hell bent on sabotaging something potentially great. You should work on that terrible attitude before attempting a relationship with anyone!

:yes:

the cliche "you've got to love yourself before you can love others" is pretty true... build up some confidence in yourself, if you don't you'll never feel worth being with her... and she'll know :(

I was in a relationship with a guy who didn't feel equal before for quite a while- trying to boost him up was wearing on me...

you're worth it :hug:
 

wolfy

awsm
Joined
Jun 30, 2008
Messages
12,251
Whether or not you have something to offer the other person is not for you to decide. You do your best and pay attention to what you get. If she says she wants to be with you that means she does and means you do have something to offer. If you start thinking that way you'll soon spiral into oblivion.
 

Asterion

Ruler of the Stars
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May 6, 2009
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We're all equal in this world.
 

FeatheredFrenzy

New member
Joined
Nov 15, 2009
Messages
179
MBTI Type
ISFJ
If you avail yourself to the love this woman has for you, I believe it will provide you the confidence you're in need of. Because you'll come to look at yourself through her eyes. I've experienced this myself. It would be nice to think we don't need confidence to get by in life, but I guess that's unrealistic.
 
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