[MBTI General] ESTP v. ESTJ in love

[Julie1962]

My sister is dating a guy that so far I've typed as an ESTx. She is an INFP and I am trying to offer advice on what to expect from him behaviorally. (Trying to shield her from being hurt).

He is outgoing, a straight shooter, and very protective of her. He is pouring on the compliments and affections very quickly. (She is falling for it while I'm not so sure I trust him yet.)

Anyway, I see that ESTPs typically go for short term relationships while the ESTJs go for long term relationships. What other differences can you find between these two types as far as relationships, loyalty and any other traits.

Finally, are INFPs and ESTx compatible?

Thanks!

 

[Halla74]

I am an ESTP.
My father is an ESTJ.
He is a retired U.S. Army Colonel.
I am a government analyst.
My Dad and I are alot alike.
Both bodybuilders, rational, objective, emotionally stable, intense, etc.

My model of what romantic relationships should be like is no doubt based on what I witnessed between my parents as I grew up.

My parents have been married 50 years.
I have been married 10 years, but together with my wife for 16.
Neither relationship has resulted in a divorce.

So, do not think that ESTPs are incapable of long-term relationships, or that they prefer short term relationships, you just can't make assumptions like that, especially if you don't the person, or their family history.

If anything, the biggest differences between my love for my wife and my Dad's love for my Mom, is that I am way more spontaneous and fun, and he is more stoic and reserved.

Both of us love our wives deeply and intensely, both of us are generous, yet I am the one who slathers my wife with compliments, and my Dad probably tells my Mom that he loves her 5 times per year, even though she knows damn well that he adores her.

I hope that makes some sense to you.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

Curious. What makes you distrust him?

 

[miss fortune]

Oooh no you can't make such assumptions about ESTPs! :horor: I'm perfectly fine in a LTR as long as I don't get cheated on... I tend to actually not MIND behaving if I'm with someone I love!

My best friend is an ESTJ and she's been married for about 5 years now... the biggest difference between the two of us that I can observe is that I'm a lot more expressive and spontenaous in how I express myself to my SO than she is... She's actually called me before to ask for ideas of ways to express herself to her husband and surprise him and I'll ask her advice on practical matters, such as how much I should spend on Christmas (I tend to go WAY overboard if not scolded beforehand ) and such

Basically we're both straightforward people who willingly stay if we're happy (both of us supposed we'd grow old single... her as a dog lady and me as a dirty old woman )- the major difference is that I'm much more expressive and she's a lot more sensible!

Hope that helps some

 

[Halla74]

Curious. What makes you distrust him?

Excellent question!

It seems there is a general distrust of charisma, or those who express their emotions strongly, especially if it happens within a relatively short period of time...

Oooh no you can't make such assumptions about ESTPs! :horor: I'm perfectly fine in a LTR as long as I don't get cheated on... I tend to actually not MIND behaving if I'm with someone I love!

My best friend is an ESTJ and she's been married for about 5 years now... the biggest difference between the two of us that I can observe is that I'm a lot more expressive and spontenaous in how I express myself to my SO than she is... She's actually called me before to ask for ideas of ways to express herself to her husband and surprise him and I'll ask her advice on practical matters, such as how much I should spend on Christmas (I tend to go WAY overboard if not scolded beforehand ) and such

Basically we're both straightforward people who willingly stay if we're happy (both of us supposed we'd grow old single... her as a dog lady and me as a dirty old woman )- the major difference is that I'm much more expressive and she's a lot more sensible!

Hope that helps some

That's very interesting, and seems to be fairly consistent with my findings of ME vs. My DAD!

So, it appears there is even similarity across genders in ESTP/ESTJ personality differences with regard to emotional expression in romantic relationships...

Holy freaking WOWZERS!!!!

 

[Max]

My sister is dating a guy that so far I've typed as an ESTx.

The difference should be a lot more obvious. ESTJs are always looking for efficiency and planning in everything they do, whilst ESTPs are more laid back about that kind of thing and prefer to be more spontaneous and enjoy life in the present moment. I am an ESTJ and my roommate is an ESTP and we've lived together for 8 months now.

Both bodybuilders, rational, objective, emotionally stable, intense, etc.

These things, however, are common of both types. You'll have to look more into how they handle the things they do and such if you want to figure out their type.

She is an INFP and I am trying to offer advice on what to expect from him behaviorally. (Trying to shield her from being hurt).

I would think that since she's the one in the relationship with him, she'll be the one to get to know what to expect from him better. I don't recommend offering advice on how to handle things based on his type alone.

Anyway, I see that ESTPs typically go for short term relationships while the ESTJs go for long term relationships. What other differences can you find between these two types as far as relationships, loyalty and any other traits.

Like Halla and Whatever said, this not true at all. My ESTP roommate has more of a "Every day is a new day" kind of mentality, not a "I'm gonna be in a relationship with this person for... say, two weeks" kind of mentality. He's been with his girlfriend for almost 3 years. I think that a relationship represents a commitment to the other person whether you're a P or a J, and that if you don't want to be committed, then it's not really a relationship.

Finally, are INFPs and ESTx compatible?

Compatibility shouldn't be based on type; it depends completely on the individuals. Reasons can be made for pairings of any two types together as to what would be good or bad about it. There may be trends, but still, it's not black and white.

 

[miss fortune]

it is funny that the gender difference is a lot less than P v J difference!

She's a pretty extreme J while I'm a pretty extreme P (It's taken me 26 years to learn to make a grociery list and she makes daily to do lists, for tasks, not people!)

I'm signifigantly more likely to slather someone I like with complements, waltz across the room and smooch them on the forehead, make a special dinner that they love or kidnap them and take them to a drive in with a picnic packed- She has problems doing such things.

She plotted for 3 months before her 4th anniversary to take her husband on a weekend vacation to NYC, complete with reservations, scheduling some special classes, buying tickets and such to maximize their time there... I fail at such meticulous planning

We regularly exchange advice to learn each other's styles some (she's with an ISTP and I'm with an ISTJ )

and to Max- to have an ESTJ post in this thread!

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

ESTJ's when initially dating someone can be very affectionate and gushy? My ex demonstrated this during the first two months. Surprise visits with chicken noodle soup and a card when I sick at home. He would tell me about how happy he was (he told his family this too) and he was overall very expressive. He had like a childlike enthusiasm towards seeing me. He would even take off work!

It was only until after about two months that he became his more "normal" workaholic, responsible and somewhat serious self.

So at first glance ESTP and ESTJ could be somewhat similar. I'd give it a bit more time. Also, I agree with what Max said. I'd stay out of it unless you see something that signifies real danger to her.

 

[Julie1962]

Thanks everyone for the info!

Based on what everyone said I now think he leans more towards an ESTP. They have only known each other for 2 weeks. I am very protective of her. She has had major loss in the last 3 years. So .. if I can protect her in any way from another heart break, I will do just that. If I read that a particular personality type tends to get bored easily in a relationship and may move on quickly to a new relationship, I will warn her of the possibility.

When a guy comes into her life with a personality I am not familiar with, and tells her within 2 weeks that he cares about her, pours on mushy stuff about how special she is and gives her compliment after compliment, I tend to question his intentions. As an ISFP, those type of emotions come slowly and are expressed cautiously in the beginning of a relationship. My sister tends to fall head over heels in love over night only to be disappointed in the morning. So I've vowed to keep her grounded this time around for her own sake. I'm not opposed to the man. He seems decent. But the behaviors described above were foreign to me.

As far as my statement regarding short term v. long term relationship preference, sorry I stepped on some toes! :steam: I didn't ASSUME this, I read it.

 

[Sinmara]

As an ISFP, those type of emotions come slowly and are expressed cautiously in the beginning of a relationship. My sister tends to fall head over heels in love over night only to be disappointed in the morning. So I've vowed to keep her grounded this time around for her own sake. I'm not opposed to the man. He seems decent. But the behaviors described above were foreign to me.

Uh...are you sure you're not ISFJ? None of the bolded seems very ISFP-like to me.

 

[Halla74]

Uh...are you sure you're not ISFJ? None of the bolded seems very ISFP-like to me.

Yeah, I agree so far as typical MBTI stereotypes go?

Do you have control issues (to the OP)?

I don't mean that in a bad way, but you really should think twice about "protecting" your sister.

It's really not your job in many ways, and can lead to resentment, or co-dependency, neither of which is good for either party...

Just trying to get a read on things.

I have to go light something on fire now, I'll be back in a few minutes...

 

[Julie1962]

Yeah, I agree so far as typical MBTI stereotypes go?

Do you have control issues (to the OP)?

I don't mean that in a bad way, but you really should think twice about "protecting" your sister.

It's really not your job in many ways, and can lead to resentment, or co-dependency, neither of which is good for either party...

Just trying to get a read on things.

I have to go light something on fire now, I'll be back in a few minutes...

Oh yeah .. I'm so ISFP it's not funny. Okay this is the deal with me and control and protection: Her son committed suicide 3 years ago. It was horrible as one can imagine. This past year she takes the chance on love and gets bit hard twice. Not sure if you are familiar with INFPs but they suffer greatly when rejected. So I see prince charming coming and sweeping her off her feet ... sigh, I just want to make sure she doesn't get hurt again. I'm not hostile towards the guy or anything. I just want her to stay grounded this time. I give her hints, thats all.

Thanks for all the advice though!

 

[Halla74]

Oh yeah .. I'm so ISFP it's not funny. Okay this is the deal with me and control and protection: Her son committed suicide 3 years ago. It was horrible as one can imagine. This past year she takes the chance on love and gets bit hard twice. Not sure if you are familiar with INFPs but they suffer greatly when rejected. So I see prince charming coming and sweeping her off her feet ... sigh, I just want to make sure she doesn't get hurt again. I'm not hostile towards the guy or anything. I just want her to stay grounded this time. I give her hints, thats all.

Thanks for all the advice though!

Wow. I'm really sorry to hear about her son.

Protecting one's loved oness is often difficult territory to traverse.

If I had a choice of stepping on someone toes and giving some blunt advice, or seeing them get hurt from something that was preventable, then I spare no feelings and say my peace, but if it falls on deaf ears, then sometimes all you can do is watch them fall down and scrape up their knees (again) and hope they learn.

 

[Julie1962]

Yes .. it is difficult territory. I feel protective of her but I also know better than to get in the middle of it. I just plant seeds as to what she may or may not expect from the men she dates. She takes it so personally when dumped and gets so depressed.

 

[Venom]

based purely on interaction styles and temperament:

Both are "In Charge" (both directing and initiating).

ESTJ will be affiliative and structure oriented. ESTP will be pragmatic and motive oriented. The problem is that sometimes ESTPs run the Fe schemes and it gets confused for being "affiliative". Another problem is that ESTPs can be very physically organized and appear "structure".

So ask: are they truly being affiliative because they want to be, or is it because they want something and are being pragmatic (sex, allowance, promotion etc). Do they truly prefer thinking in a structured fashion, or do they do it merely to create a persona? (engineer ESTPs are notorious for this...seriously they might say they relate to tony stark more than an action hero if you asked them ).

 

[great_bay]

Anybody have any experience with this pairing? These types are have the functions they are attractive to. They're both extroverts. I'm interested in this pairing. [MENTION=16019]TreeBob[/MENTION]

 

[TreeBob]

Anybody have any experience with this pairing? These types are have the functions they are attractive to. They're both extroverts. I'm interested in this pairing. [MENTION=16019]TreeBob[/MENTION]

Why have you summoned me from my deep slumber! Why as an INTP are you interested in this pairing? I do have experience with it, but you need to ask me a specific question.