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  1. #1
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    Default ESTP v. ESTJ in love

    My sister is dating a guy that so far I've typed as an ESTx. She is an INFP and I am trying to offer advice on what to expect from him behaviorally. (Trying to shield her from being hurt).

    He is outgoing, a straight shooter, and very protective of her. He is pouring on the compliments and affections very quickly. (She is falling for it while I'm not so sure I trust him yet.)

    Anyway, I see that ESTPs typically go for short term relationships while the ESTJs go for long term relationships. What other differences can you find between these two types as far as relationships, loyalty and any other traits.

    Finally, are INFPs and ESTx compatible?

    Thanks!

  2. #2
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    I am an ESTP.
    My father is an ESTJ.
    He is a retired U.S. Army Colonel.
    I am a government analyst.
    My Dad and I are alot alike.
    Both bodybuilders, rational, objective, emotionally stable, intense, etc.

    My model of what romantic relationships should be like is no doubt based on what I witnessed between my parents as I grew up.

    My parents have been married 50 years.
    I have been married 10 years, but together with my wife for 16.
    Neither relationship has resulted in a divorce.

    So, do not think that ESTPs are incapable of long-term relationships, or that they prefer short term relationships, you just can't make assumptions like that, especially if you don't the person, or their family history.

    If anything, the biggest differences between my love for my wife and my Dad's love for my Mom, is that I am way more spontaneous and fun, and he is more stoic and reserved.

    Both of us love our wives deeply and intensely, both of us are generous, yet I am the one who slathers my wife with compliments, and my Dad probably tells my Mom that he loves her 5 times per year, even though she knows damn well that he adores her.

    I hope that makes some sense to you.
    --------------------
    Type Stats:
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    BIG 5 -> Extroversion 77% ; Accommodation 60% ; Orderliness 62% ; Emotional Stability 64% ; Open Mindedness 74%

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  3. #3
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Curious. What makes you distrust him?
    ~luck favors the ready~


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  4. #4
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    Oooh no you can't make such assumptions about ESTPs! :horor: I'm perfectly fine in a LTR as long as I don't get cheated on... I tend to actually not MIND behaving if I'm with someone I love!

    My best friend is an ESTJ and she's been married for about 5 years now... the biggest difference between the two of us that I can observe is that I'm a lot more expressive and spontenaous in how I express myself to my SO than she is... She's actually called me before to ask for ideas of ways to express herself to her husband and surprise him and I'll ask her advice on practical matters, such as how much I should spend on Christmas (I tend to go WAY overboard if not scolded beforehand ) and such

    Basically we're both straightforward people who willingly stay if we're happy (both of us supposed we'd grow old single... her as a dog lady and me as a dirty old woman )- the major difference is that I'm much more expressive and she's a lot more sensible!

    Hope that helps some
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  5. #5
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    Curious. What makes you distrust him?
    Excellent question!

    It seems there is a general distrust of charisma, or those who express their emotions strongly, especially if it happens within a relatively short period of time...

    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    Oooh no you can't make such assumptions about ESTPs! :horor: I'm perfectly fine in a LTR as long as I don't get cheated on... I tend to actually not MIND behaving if I'm with someone I love!

    My best friend is an ESTJ and she's been married for about 5 years now... the biggest difference between the two of us that I can observe is that I'm a lot more expressive and spontenaous in how I express myself to my SO than she is... She's actually called me before to ask for ideas of ways to express herself to her husband and surprise him and I'll ask her advice on practical matters, such as how much I should spend on Christmas (I tend to go WAY overboard if not scolded beforehand ) and such

    Basically we're both straightforward people who willingly stay if we're happy (both of us supposed we'd grow old single... her as a dog lady and me as a dirty old woman )- the major difference is that I'm much more expressive and she's a lot more sensible!

    Hope that helps some
    That's very interesting, and seems to be fairly consistent with my findings of ME vs. My DAD!

    So, it appears there is even similarity across genders in ESTP/ESTJ personality differences with regard to emotional expression in romantic relationships...

    Holy freaking WOWZERS!!!!
    --------------------
    Type Stats:
    MBTI -> (E) 77.14% | (i) 22.86% ; (S) 60% | (n) 40% ; (T) 72.22% | (f) 27.78% ; (P) 51.43% | (j) 48.57%
    BIG 5 -> Extroversion 77% ; Accommodation 60% ; Orderliness 62% ; Emotional Stability 64% ; Open Mindedness 74%

    Quotes:
    "If somebody asks your MBTI type on a first date, run". -Donna Cecilia
    "Enneagram is psychological underpinnings. Cognitive Functions are mental reasoning and perceptional processes. -Sanjuro

  6. #6
    Senior Member Max's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Julie1962 View Post
    My sister is dating a guy that so far I've typed as an ESTx.
    The difference should be a lot more obvious. ESTJs are always looking for efficiency and planning in everything they do, whilst ESTPs are more laid back about that kind of thing and prefer to be more spontaneous and enjoy life in the present moment. I am an ESTJ and my roommate is an ESTP and we've lived together for 8 months now.

    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    Both bodybuilders, rational, objective, emotionally stable, intense, etc.
    These things, however, are common of both types. You'll have to look more into how they handle the things they do and such if you want to figure out their type.
    Quote Originally Posted by Julie1962 View Post
    She is an INFP and I am trying to offer advice on what to expect from him behaviorally. (Trying to shield her from being hurt).
    I would think that since she's the one in the relationship with him, she'll be the one to get to know what to expect from him better. I don't recommend offering advice on how to handle things based on his type alone.

    Quote Originally Posted by Julie1962 View Post
    Anyway, I see that ESTPs typically go for short term relationships while the ESTJs go for long term relationships. What other differences can you find between these two types as far as relationships, loyalty and any other traits.
    Like Halla and Whatever said, this not true at all. My ESTP roommate has more of a "Every day is a new day" kind of mentality, not a "I'm gonna be in a relationship with this person for... say, two weeks" kind of mentality. He's been with his girlfriend for almost 3 years. I think that a relationship represents a commitment to the other person whether you're a P or a J, and that if you don't want to be committed, then it's not really a relationship.
    Quote Originally Posted by Julie1962 View Post
    Finally, are INFPs and ESTx compatible?
    Compatibility shouldn't be based on type; it depends completely on the individuals. Reasons can be made for pairings of any two types together as to what would be good or bad about it. There may be trends, but still, it's not black and white.

  7. #7
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    it is funny that the gender difference is a lot less than P v J difference!

    She's a pretty extreme J while I'm a pretty extreme P (It's taken me 26 years to learn to make a grociery list and she makes daily to do lists, for tasks, not people!)

    I'm signifigantly more likely to slather someone I like with complements, waltz across the room and smooch them on the forehead, make a special dinner that they love or kidnap them and take them to a drive in with a picnic packed- She has problems doing such things.

    She plotted for 3 months before her 4th anniversary to take her husband on a weekend vacation to NYC, complete with reservations, scheduling some special classes, buying tickets and such to maximize their time there... I fail at such meticulous planning

    We regularly exchange advice to learn each other's styles some (she's with an ISTP and I'm with an ISTJ )

    and to Max- to have an ESTJ post in this thread!
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  8. #8
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    ESTJ's when initially dating someone can be very affectionate and gushy? My ex demonstrated this during the first two months. Surprise visits with chicken noodle soup and a card when I sick at home. He would tell me about how happy he was (he told his family this too) and he was overall very expressive. He had like a childlike enthusiasm towards seeing me. He would even take off work!

    It was only until after about two months that he became his more "normal" workaholic, responsible and somewhat serious self.

    So at first glance ESTP and ESTJ could be somewhat similar. I'd give it a bit more time. Also, I agree with what Max said. I'd stay out of it unless you see something that signifies real danger to her.
    ~luck favors the ready~


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  9. #9
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    Thanks everyone for the info!

    Based on what everyone said I now think he leans more towards an ESTP. They have only known each other for 2 weeks. I am very protective of her. She has had major loss in the last 3 years. So .. if I can protect her in any way from another heart break, I will do just that. If I read that a particular personality type tends to get bored easily in a relationship and may move on quickly to a new relationship, I will warn her of the possibility.

    When a guy comes into her life with a personality I am not familiar with, and tells her within 2 weeks that he cares about her, pours on mushy stuff about how special she is and gives her compliment after compliment, I tend to question his intentions. As an ISFP, those type of emotions come slowly and are expressed cautiously in the beginning of a relationship. My sister tends to fall head over heels in love over night only to be disappointed in the morning. So I've vowed to keep her grounded this time around for her own sake. I'm not opposed to the man. He seems decent. But the behaviors described above were foreign to me.

    As far as my statement regarding short term v. long term relationship preference, sorry I stepped on some toes! :steam: I didn't ASSUME this, I read it.

  10. #10
    Not Your Therapist Sinmara's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Julie1962 View Post
    As an ISFP, those type of emotions come slowly and are expressed cautiously in the beginning of a relationship. My sister tends to fall head over heels in love over night only to be disappointed in the morning. So I've vowed to keep her grounded this time around for her own sake. I'm not opposed to the man. He seems decent. But the behaviors described above were foreign to me.
    Uh...are you sure you're not ISFJ? None of the bolded seems very ISFP-like to me.
    Never wrestle with a pig. You will get dirty and the pig will enjoy it.



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