[ISFP] Ask an ISFP!

[Super Nova]

I am very frustrated due to having to deal with two rude and incompetent people. Please offer strategies to prevent conversion to primal conflict resolution methods.

-Halla

There's something to be said for primal conflict resolution!

 

[yvonne]

My take, from my experience:

========

An ISFP is easygoing and can adapt to a variety of traits or types as long as there's caring.

Relationship challenges might stem from the partner appreciating having the ISFP's (a) understanding nature and (b) physical nature focused on them, but underneath, if the partner had thought about it, they really wanted or needed to be with a different kind of person.

It's not going to work well to get into a relationship with an ISFP and then try to change them. They are not, and are not interested in becoming:

-polished in a classic and traditional manner
-an SJ household manager
-a driven, corporate career person
-only infrequently physically affectionate
-wealth-oriented
-prestige-oriented

It's also not going to work well over the long term to get into a relationship with an ISFP because they seem like someone who can be dominated.

To an ISFP, a great relationship would include equality, playfulness, sharing, and caring.

========

I think it may take ISFPs a while to develop a good sense of who they are.

thank you! this was a very insightful post and describes some aspects of my relationship with my ex pretty well...

he is an amazing person, really. i've never met anyone kinder, cuddlier, or more imaginative... and probably never will... and he wanted a lasting, monogamous relationship, which i really appreciated.

the problems we had were:

- he didn't want to talk about the past, or the future
- he wasn't very determined, which created problems, as we were trying to get some things going...
- our Fis clashed from time to time, but on the other hand, it was really, really good a lot of the time
- i was sort of "forced" to become the "voice of reason" in our relationship, because the whole just wasn't working and that stressed me out

i have thought and thought about all of this, though... so i have a couple of questions for ISFPs:

do ISFPs usually dislike talking about the future, or making plans and sticking to them? (how should i have brought it up, if i wanted to talk about the future, or is it something ISFPs just don't do... ?)

do ISFPs usually avoid talking during conflict? (we had this problem that i would have liked to talk things through, but he just wanted to feel the feeling and afterwards drop it... and it didn't seem to bother him, as few things did, but it still bothered me...)

sometimes it was hard for me to understand what was going through his mind, because he didn't want to talk.

i don't know... our relationship really lacked structure... and all that Fi drama was wearing me out.

 

[yvonne]

of course, that's just from my pov. he might say:

- i pressured him to talk
- i always wanted to talk about the future and make plans... and i disregarded his feelings at the moment
- i lived in my own head too much and had too great expectations (?)
- it came to the point of me being so stressed out for whatever reasons that i began to really neglect everyday practicalities

...

 

[LeafAndSky]

i have thought and thought about all of this, though... so i have a couple of questions for ISFPs:

do ISFPs usually dislike talking about the future, or making plans and sticking to them? (how should i have brought it up, if i wanted to talk about the future, or is it something ISFPs just don't do... ?)

do ISFPs usually avoid talking during conflict? (we had this problem that i would have liked to talk things through, but he just wanted to feel the feeling and afterwards drop it... and it didn't seem to bother him, as few things did, but it still bothered me...)

sometimes it was hard for me to understand what was going through his mind, because he didn't want to talk.

i don't know... our relationship really lacked structure... and all that Fi drama was wearing me out.

I can't answer your questions; maybe someone else can. The only thing I come up with is: it depends.

I do understand the need to figure out what happened, to learn from it.

It'd be nice if everything would fit tidily into a story -- some definitive, comprehensive answer to What Went Wrong -- but sometimes it won't. Sometimes the best you can do is to figure out something just about yourself -- how a relationship affected you, what you learned, how you want to be now and in the future.

 

[yvonne]

wise words.

 

[KDude]

I wish I was ISFP because it always sounds like they resolve conflict in (more or less) healthy ways. At the very least, it seems ingrained in them to seek a comfort zone.. not escalate things (probably same with ISTP to an extent as well). I'm only that way at my best.

Anyways, thumbs up.

[edit] Eh, I don't make any sense. Why would I wish to be ISFP, unless I was already pretty close to it?

 

[yvonne]

i wonder how ISFPs use their dominant Fi...

according to my experience ISFPs are more in tune to body language than INFPs. i might have a similar interpretation of a situation, but maybe can't pinpoint exactly why, or the reasons why are from a different angle... and then when i ask an ISFP they point out the information they gathered with sensing.

what does Fi mean to ISFPs?

i also sometimes wonder are ISFPs more sure/ at peace about their Fi abilities, as i tend to question mine a lot...

 

[Jeffster]

I have a hard time grasping the differences between ISFPs and INFPs. Yeah, I get the part about thinking in concrete terms vs. thinking in theoretical terms, but I'm sure that's not the one and only difference between us.

No, but it's a pretty significant one.

For instance, I don't think you'd find many ISFPs who would say this:

Reality has always felt "limiting".

When I saw that I laughed out loud and thought "that right there is for people who don't know the different between INFPs and ISFPs." Reality isn't limiting at all! There's so much to do and discover in reality!

So, I hope you don't get annoyed with all my questions:

I never get annoyed with questions, unless they are the same question over and over again. Unless that question is "how awesome are you?" because I can probably think of a lot of different answers to that.

Do you write about your feelings a lot?

Yes, because any time I express an opinion in writing, it's about my feelings on whatever it is. I'm assuming that you're including typing as writing.

Do you like to read or is it a waste of time?

I like to read about things I'm interested in. Anything that's interesting is never a waste of time. Reading about boring things is a waste of time. Unless those things can somehow translate into something non-boring because I have the knowledge. I usually leave that sort of thing to the STPs though, they're better at it.

Do you have good aim?

No.

How do you know you're not an N?

I hate hypothetical questions. I hate endless speculation that can't be used for anything. I hate the phrase "perception is reality." That's BS. Reality is reality, whether you perceive it correctly or not. I like focusing on what is actually possible, and on what I CAN do, not what I could do if I was an ostrich on crack. Yes, it's fun sometimes to think about the "what would you do with a million dollars?" type questions, but I don't keep doing that endlessly. There's so much that i can do that's fun now, in my current situation, I'm not going to spend my time trying to project myself somewhere else. I say what I mean, and there's no hidden meanings or agendas there, and I don't like it when other people talk in riddles, either.

Does it drive you crazy to not be physically active, or are you pretty content to sit around doing (what looks like) nothing, for long periods of time? Or is it more balanced?

It's extremely difficult for me to sit still. I've done it very rarely in my life and only when forced to. So my body is always moving, but that doesn't necessarily translate to "physically active." I do spend a lot of time sitting or lying in front of the computer. So, I can definitely be considered "doing nothing" for people that judge that by how much you actually move around to other places.

 

[Jeffster]

what does Fi mean to ISFPs?

i also sometimes wonder are ISFPs more sure/ at peace about their Fi abilities, as i tend to question mine a lot...

To me, it means an overused "word" on this forum that is kind of annoying. I have no "Fi abilities." I just live.

 

[Jeffster]

t
i have thought and thought about all of this, though... so i have a couple of questions for ISFPs:

do ISFPs usually dislike talking about the future, or making plans and sticking to them? (how should i have brought it up, if i wanted to talk about the future, or is it something ISFPs just don't do... ?)

I don't like those thing much, no. I don't mind making plans sometimes, but I like things better when they're unplanned. When I make plans it's usually in order to accommodate someone else's schedule. If it were up to me, life would be entirely doing whatever struck me at each moment.

do ISFPs usually avoid talking during conflict? (we had this problem that i would have liked to talk things through, but he just wanted to feel the feeling and afterwards drop it... and it didn't seem to bother him, as few things did, but it still bothered me...)

That's very situational. We could roleplay if you want. You be you, and I'll be me. Wait..that's not right..uhhh..well, if you gave me a specific example I might be able to respond how I would react. In general, I don't like conflicts and try to get away from them. But at the same time, they are kind of a turn-on too so I am drawn to them. I'm kind of paradoxical that way.

 

[ayoitsStepho]

Reality has always felt "limiting".- Orangeappled

When I saw that I laughed out loud and thought "that right there is for people who don't know the different between INFPs and ISFPs." Reality isn't limiting at all! There's so much to do and discover in reality!

If that's the case, I'm DEFINITELY an ISFP.

 

[yvonne]

^^ yeah, i suppose that was it. i just couldn't only live in the moment with ease and he couldn't be at ease when i was not at ease, or something... and he avoided conflicts even more than i did and that created even more conflicts... don't know.

it doesn't really matter anymore, anyway... i just think too much... i guess life will always seem more complicated to me than it actually is... my ex taught me to laugh at myself, though. i'll always be grateful for him for that, as well.

it's really hard to miss him and at the same time knowing that it couldn't have worked

i can't imagine getting that close to anyone else.

i can give you one awesome, though, or at least from my experience: you guys are the best at making an ordinary day extraordinary, or making an ordinary person feel like someone special...

 

[Grungemouse]

I am a bad friend :'D. No one deserves lovin's, unless you like fair weather friends who take rain checks often. I'd like that positive trait of loyalty. It sounds very nice to me, and I wonder why I don't have it. Good traits are what I like. Good is good ;D. I am so unable to help when rainclouds roll around. When I try, it seems weird, forced, or insincere.

Errr. Have I mistyped her?

 

[KDude]

whatup... should i include myself back into your ranks? these results are confusing, but i believe they're "accurate enough" and reflect me. even though my Se is relatively high (and higher than my Fi), it marks me as ISFP. i suppose a real ESFP is extremely high in Se, and can't control themselves and chill (while I can). i think i'm more in my head, evaluating..overriding Se at times. My Ne isn't weak either.. so maybe that's why I get all confused on whether I'm NF (but I don't think "reality is limiting" like orangeappled said).

Cognitive Process Level of Development (Preference, Skill and Frequency of Use)
extraverted Sensing (Se) ************************************ (36.6)
excellent use
introverted Sensing (Si) ****************************** (30.4)
good use
extraverted Intuiting (Ne) *********************************** (35.6)
good use
introverted Intuiting (Ni) ******************************** (32.2)
good use
extraverted Thinking (Te) ******************* (20)
limited use
introverted Thinking (Ti) **************************** (28.6)
average use
extraverted Feeling (Fe) ************************* (25.6)
average use
introverted Feeling (Fi) ******************************* (31.6)
good use


Summary Analysis of Profile
By focusing on the strongest configuration of cognitive processes, your pattern of responses most closely matches individuals of this type: ISFP

Lead (Dominant) Process
Introverted Feeling (Fi): Staying true to who you really are. Paying close attention to your personal identity, values and beliefs. Checking with your conscience. Choosing behavior congruent with what is important to you.

Support (Auxilliary) Process
Extraverted Sensing (Se): Immersing in the present context. Responding naturally to everything tangible you detect through your senses. Checking with what your gut instincts say. Testing limits and take risks for big rewards.


If these cognitive processes don't fit well then consider these types: ESFP, or INFP

 

[KDude]

Do you write about your feelings a lot?

No. i might try to talk with some people about them though.

Do you like to read or is it a waste of time?

i read in spurts

Do you have good aim?

Yeah, but i catch even better.

How do you know you're not an N?

i don't

Does it drive you crazy to not be physically active, or are you pretty content to sit around doing (what looks like) nothing, for long periods of time? Or is it more balanced?

hmm, physically active how? i've always enjoyed sports, but many people i know are (not to be mean) in worse shape and lazier than i am, and it's like... things are less fun to do without someone around. i get bored shooting a basketball alone, or hopping on my skateboard. so then i become a little dormant myself. i'm always missing the good old days when i did more things outside with people...but i hate doing it all alone.

that said, i pace a lot. you'll never find me sitting in a chair for too long. i like to move at least a little. that, or i think of excuses into going somewhere.

but if people ask for me to do work... it's not fun. plus, i think they're using me. especially when they never ask for anything else. so i'm thinking "oooh wow.. look at the time! hope it works out for ya ^_^ "

 

[IZthe411]

it's really hard to miss him and at the same time knowing that it couldn't have worked

I have the same sentiments about my ISFP ex.

 

[Snow Turtle]

Errr. Have I mistyped her?

Doesn't sound that unusual for someone insecure about not being able to help out.

 

[IZthe411]

whatup... should i include myself back into your ranks? these results are confusing, but i believe they're "accurate enough" and reflect me. even though my Se is relatively high (and higher than my Fi), it marks me as ISFP. i suppose a real ESFP is extremely high in Se, and can't control themselves and chill (while I can). i think i'm more in my head, evaluating..overriding Se at times. My Ne isn't weak either.. so maybe that's why I get all confused on whether I'm NF (but I don't think "reality is limiting" like orangeappled said).

Seems like your I/E might be balanced? I know that I usually score a real low introvert, and am mistaken as an extrovert a whole lot by those who really don't know me. After learning about MBTI in more detail, it's helped me to define my actions on the scale of a "typical" ISTJ....in a lot of cases, I find myself to the left of the definitions. I'm most comfortable with familiarity, but am not afraid, and in some cases, look forward to possibilities. You might be experiencing the same.

 

[IZthe411]

hmm, physically active how? i've always enjoyed sports, but many people i know are (not to be mean) in worse shape and lazier than i am, and it's like... things are less fun to do without someone around. i get bored shooting a basketball alone, or hopping on my skateboard. so then i become a little dormant myself. i'm always missing the good old days when i did more things outside with people...but i hate doing it all alone.

KDude, again, this sounds like me- Contrary to my introversion, I enjoy activities like sports with other people. You might be an I- closer to the I/E divide, with an interest in expending that energy with other people.

 

[KDude]

i believe you're right... i'm not an extrovert in the typical sense. but it'd be just as difficult for me to be a real introvert... eventually i'd have to scream or something. "WTF?!!? need to get out.. need to make contact..need to participate.." that doesn't mean i'm gonna jump on tables and start slapping everyone's asses, and pushing aside deep conversation.. i mean, damn.. why do we even have to speak in such extremes. [edit] just rambling into the air there. not directed at anyone