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  1. #1
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    Default istps and indecision.

    it seems to be my only complaint about our relationship (well ok, not the ONLY one...). we are both so flexible and laidback that we never get any decisions made. he would rather me make the decision and i would rather him make the decision. it's not really that big of a deal, except that we starve on occasion because we can never decide on a place to eat.

    is it really a sacrifice for my istp to make these (little) decisions in our relationship? or, is he just trying to be nice and making sure i get what i want? he dated an esfj right before me, so i'm thinking he may have been used to her calling the shots. maybe he liked it that way though...

  2. #2
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    That's odd. I never have a problem figuring out what to eat. Indecisiveness with regard to food annoys the crap out of me. I want to eat dammit!

    So I'll ask once for a place or category of food the other person might want to eat. Once.

    Then I decide! If they don't like the choice? Too bad, I'm eating!

  3. #3
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    So..how come the title's istps and indecision rather than enfps and indecision, if you both have the same trait?

    I think most (all) Ps, or even people, are indecisive in certain areas. It can be frustrating if you and your mate share the same area though, as I know all too well.
    -end of thread-

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    Senior Member Willfrey's Avatar
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    I am the decider. I understand it is the mans role in the relationship to make all the important decisions (kidding)

    At any rate, I usually will make a suggestion, ask if she likes it, if not I'll make another or ask her. If she agrees then BAM. We are going, I don't play little games, I don't know what it is about the women I meet but the whole 'say one thing and mean the opposite' drives me up the frikkin wall.
    ...Then I ducked my head and the lights went out, and two guns blazed in the dark;
    And a woman screamed, and the lights went up, and two men lay stiff and stark...

  5. #5
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    true, my istp is good at tossing out options. but sometimes he looks SO overwhelmed and keeps saying "whatever you want" that finally i'm like... "do you need me to make this decision? i can if you want me to, but you have to understand that it's hard for me!"

  6. #6
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Randomnity View Post
    So..how come the title's istps and indecision rather than enfps and indecision, if you both have the same trait?

    LOL That's what I thought as I read this. I think he's not indecisive but is so willing and flexible to the decision, and you want him to decide and go with it. Sounds like you feel as the man he should be making that decision.

    I disagree. If you say you want to go to dinner, decide on a place. If I say I'll take you out, then I'll make the suggestion. No fair if you say you want to go out, and then expect the guy to make all of the decisions. This is not a hard and fast rule, though. There are exceptions.

  7. #7
    Senior Member seamaid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post
    true, my istp is good at tossing out options. but sometimes he looks SO overwhelmed and keeps saying "whatever you want" that finally i'm like... "do you need me to make this decision? i can if you want me to, but you have to understand that it's hard for me!"
    I heard that enneagram 7s want to try everything before they can decide what it is they really want. And that they're terrified of being "deprived" so they'd even rather go for "anything" than nothing at all, making it even harder to decide "what". Are you and he both 7s? I don't know if that helps.

    I do know that sometimes with my ISTP I think he just wants a sounding board to bounce off ideas. He knows what he wants (inside, Ni?) and uses me to help narrow it down. Depending on how adventurous I'm feeling, I give him my preferences, which range from enthusiastic on some days to downright apathetic on others (when a fried egg and an apple will do for dinner... I think that's the N in me). Either way, he gets his way and he's happy, because when I'm enthusiastic our tastebuds tend to align naturally, and when I'm apathetic I generally don't care what he decides as long as there's something in my belly.

    Do you cook together? Usually what's available in the fridge determines the course. If it's always eating out though, sometimes I just say yes to the first suggestion that is somewhat appealing... doesn't have to be perfect. Usually you know when you feel like meat vs. pasta vs. sushi... My guy just reads off Yelp and I nod at the first decent suggestion and off we go.

    That was a totally rambling answer but hope it helps.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Bamboo's Avatar
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    I have general issues with indecision, especially when faced with multiple options that I don't really understand.

    Silly example: buying shampoo.

    I walk into the store and there is maybe 30 choices. I just sort of freeze...I don't know where to begin. I just stand there for a while and stare.

    It's embarrassing, because I honestly shouldn't care that much. I buzz my hair every two weeks or so. But I've wasted a lifetime total of maybe 5 hours just staring at a bunch of bright plastic bottles.
    Don't know how much it'll bend til it breaks.

  9. #9
    Senior Member man's Avatar
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    i have hard time making decisions when it involves other people but for decisions that only affect me it easy =)
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  10. #10
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bamboo View Post
    I have general issues with indecision, especially when faced with multiple options that I don't really understand.

    Silly example: buying shampoo.

    I walk into the store and there is maybe 30 choices. I just sort of freeze...I don't know where to begin. I just stand there for a while and stare.

    It's embarrassing, because I honestly shouldn't care that much. I buzz my hair every two weeks or so. But I've wasted a lifetime total of maybe 5 hours just staring at a bunch of bright plastic bottles.
    oh, tell me about it!! we both know it's ridiculous. seriously, we starve half the time we are together cause we can't decide. sometimes my istp texts me to find out what he should eat because he can't decide... and i'm not even with him!

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