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[ISTP] istps and indecision.

Bamboo

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While it might not be type related persay, certain failures of communication (ie passive aggressiveness) will probably manifest themselves in ways specific to a type.

In other words, the way someone who 'is' ISTP may act (and what they will act that way about) when being passive aggressive can be different than and ESTJ or ENFP or anything else.

my .02


Also, I don't know if that really qualifies as passive aggressive at all.
 

ChocolateMoose123

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I can only speak for myself. I've relied on my SOs when I've had them to make the plans. I don't like to suggest places/things to go usually because I hate being responsible for someone else being entertained. My thinking is: "I know they'll be happy because they picked the place. I don't have to feel responsible for them not liking it." Plus. I'm down for anything as long as the company is good so I really don't care. I know I can enjoy myself pretty much anywhere.

But since both of you are indecisive I'd just be selfish about it and go where I wanted to go. :D Forget about what he wants to do. If he doesn't want to do it that badly he'll suggest something else.
 

Little Laura

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My ISTP friend sometimes brings me along to go grocery shopping. I distinctly remember standing in from of the almonds for what felt like FOREVER while he tried to figure out which almonds to go with. I had to start throwing out questions trying to figure out what he was looking for so we could get a move on before the store closed on us.

Same with eating. He NEVER gives me any help with places to go. I always have to figure out where to eat, which I don't mind, just don't complain if you don't like it then! LOL.
 

sLiPpY

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An ISTP that doesn't know what they want to eat? :shock: Yeh, I can see thinking of three or four differing possibilities to run by someone else. Consensus building? But doesn't have any suggestions at all? :wtf:

Now I remember pretending not to have any ideas, or would say I were broke if I really didn't want to go somewhere. I've outgrown that thank goodness.

The only problem I've ever had when deciding on what to eat when going to grab a bite with an ISTP friend...is... Them wanting to order the same thing, or me having the same item in mind before they order. :doh:

Dates I offer three or four suggestions, unless I can get them to narrow it down to a specific style of food. I know every single locally famous dive in this and all of the neighboring states. I love food! I cook. All my ISTP friends cook! I just can't imagine not knowing what to eat. :huh:

Grocery stores I rip through the food isle quickly, and get a little irritated with the browsers who are in my way. Personal care products like shampoo and soap, shaving cream...I will stop to read labels or get confused by all the choices. I read labels because there are certain chemicals they put in crap that are illegal in Europe I want no part of.
 

Bamboo

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yeah i was (poorly) alluding to that regarding shampoo. i don't really mind a sodium lauryl/laureth sulfate based shampoo just don't market it as something really high end or something that you want to leave in your hair/on your skin.

it's a good emulsifier and does the job but it's an irritant in any case.

you don't always get what you pay for there are 99 cent bottles which have the same basic ingredients as the $8 french-designer "Le frangrance de Toilet" bottles.



aside from that tangent, i guess the moral of this thread is "occasionally suggest things to do and if you don't/won't then don't complain about it."
 

sLiPpY

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I tried Every Man Jack 2-in-1 Signature Mint Shampoo/Conditioner about six months ago. It's non-SLS, no parabens, no dyes. I'm still working on the same bottle that cost $5.99.

Used to have to use a dandruff shampoo twice per week. I've since thrown it out. Apparently SLS or something else in a "regular" shampoo was causing the flakes. It doesn't lather well, but it leaves the ole' scalp and hair feeling nice. :smile:

:doh:

:blush:
 

Rainne

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it's not indecision! it's just there are too many options and each is as acceptable as the next...

=(
 

countrygirl

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While it might not be type related persay, certain failures of communication (ie passive aggressiveness) will probably manifest themselves in ways specific to a type.

In other words, the way someone who 'is' ISTP may act (and what they will act that way about) when being passive aggressive can be different than and ESTJ or ENFP or anything else.

my .02


Also, I don't know if that really qualifies as passive aggressive at all.

The way toast explains it, as I understand it, she chooses because he doesn't want to, then he complains about it after the fact. He is making her responsible for his happiness.

The way MDP2525 explains it, as I understand it, the other person makes a choice and she is having fun regardless of what has been choosen. She is being responsible for her own happiness.

Big difference.
 

toast

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That sounds passive-aggressive which is not related to type.

Huh? No way. I'm talking about him, in a perfectly good mood, trying to come up with things we can do together or things he can do on his own that he wants suggestions for. I naturally seem to think up activities that are either too relaxed when he wants to move around or get his hands on something (like going to a movie) or too spontaneous when he's wanting comfort (like going exploring in the hill country). So I usually am hesitant to suggest anything because it bothers me to help without being helpful.

I'm saying regardless of my reluctance to make the call on what we do together, he has never been decisive about some things. He is pretty good at coming up with easy ways to spend money, usually going out to eat, but the indecision seems to increase based on his level of boredom. That sounds fairly ISTP to me. I haven't even experienced boredom like I've seen him get since I was about 12.
 

toast

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The way toast explains it, as I understand it, she chooses because he doesn't want to, then he complains about it after the fact. He is making her responsible for his happiness.

The way MDP2525 explains it, as I understand it, the other person makes a choice and she is having fun regardless of what has been choosen. She is being responsible for her own happiness.

Big difference.

Wait... but THIS I agree with... Because when I read MDP2525's post I was like: "that doesn't sound like my ISTP at ALL." I am the one who's down for anything usually as long as I'm going with someone I like... not him. I don't know if its really as bad as it may have sounded, but maybe it is unhealthy. He just doesn't seem like he'd know what to do with himself (during those times he asks me) whether I was here or not, but I know if I wasn't here he'd come up with something because he always does eventually. :thinking:
 

sciski

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Huh? No way. I'm talking about him, in a perfectly good mood, trying to come up with things we can do together or things he can do on his own that he wants suggestions for.

toast, I have to agree with countrygirl too. The example you gave was pretty much the example given to illustrate passive aggression on a website I was reading. :-/

The eminent researcher Dr. Theodore Millon describes passive-aggressive personalities as having an “active-ambivalent” pattern of relating to others. That is, they are very ambivalent about whether to adhere primarily to a staunchly independent mode of conduct or to rely primarily on others to tend to their emotional needs. As a result, they engage in a continuous pattern of vacillation between the two extremes. Ask them where they want to go for dinner and they will tell you to decide. Pick a place and they will complain that they don’t really like it that well and don’t want to go there. Invite them to pick a place of their own liking and they will complain that they asked you to decide. Tell them of another preference and they will be lukewarm to your suggestion.
Beware the Covert-Aggressive Personality

It's not related to type though, nor is a huge issue unless he does this with EVERYTHING you do together. Most people have a bit of PA in them, it's just whether it's manageable or whether it's preventing you from having a good life together.
 

Bamboo

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The way toast explains it, as I understand it, she chooses because he doesn't want to, then he complains about it after the fact. He is making her responsible for his happiness.

The way MDP2525 explains it, as I understand it, the other person makes a choice and she is having fun regardless of what has been choosen. She is being responsible for her own happiness.

Big difference.

Aha. True. Ok, point taken.

But I'll quote myself to reiterate:
... i guess the moral of this thread is "occasionally suggest things to do and if you don't/won't then don't complain about it."
 
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