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  1. #1
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    Default ESPs - Talking behind backs?

    First off, not trying to anger anyone here. I've learned to be very cautious with what I say in this section. Anyway, in my venturer group, most of the members seem to be ESFP with a bit of ESTP. It's not a large group. Anyway, I've noticed that they often tend to talk about people they know negatively and sometimes meanly, ut only when they're not around. They never say anything negative to a persons face. As an INTJ I sometimes feel a little out of sync with the rest. One member there I actually find quite annoying because he's basically prejudiced in every way possible (I think he's an ISXJ but not sure) and nobody really says anything about it, but I often confront him for this and when I do, the others try to change the subject and laugh about it like it hasn't happened. Is this normal behaviour for ESPs, to talk behind others backs but always try to keep the others happy when in conversation with them? It frustrates me sometimes because the guy can be so racist, sexist etc and also it seems a bit dishonest.

  2. #2
    Senior Member ColonelGadaafi's Avatar
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    Do like i did and any honest person would do. Cut off any links to that group and find yourself peers more within the caliber of your comfort zone's. While admittedly socializing with these sort of groups does have it's perk's. ESxP's are entertaining, light-hearted and generally fun company when your within their green light district so to speak.

    But once you make the mistake of upsetting them or challenging the group on their commonly held beliefs/assumptions, stupidity and dumb reasoning in an argument they will turn on you like one of the mentally lobotomized lynch mob's out of a cartoon. They begin reactively by berating you and turning you into "dumb-ass" or an "outcast", to compensate for the trouble you have caused their locust hive. They will use the cheapest and lowest possible methods of ejecting you from my experience. They first build up aggresivity towards you which is designed to shut you up and put you in the humiliating position of being outside of the "group".

    So if you do mind them, my best advice is to leave them permanently cutting off any communication with them. For someone who is not used to their interaction style, they are an unneccesary event waiting to explode. So save yourself the trouble of eventual provocation.

  3. #3
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    My ESFP mother talks behind everyone's back, including her own daughters.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by ColonelGadaafi View Post
    Do like i do and any honest person would do. Cut off any links to that group and find yourself peers more within your comfort zone's. ESxP's are entertaining, light-hearted and generally fun company when your within their green light district so to speak.

    But once you make the mistake of upsetting them or challenging the group on their commonly held beliefs/assumptions, stupidity and dumb reasoning, they will turn on you like one of the dumb stupid lynch mob's out of a cartoon, just to try to humiliate you and turn you into "dumb-ass" or an "outcast". They will use the cheapest and most dishonorable methods of ejecting you.
    Oh that seems a bit harsh. They're generally pretty nice people.

  5. #5
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by goodgrief View Post
    One member there I actually find quite annoying because he's basically prejudiced in every way possible (I think he's an ISXJ but not sure) and nobody really says anything about it, but I often confront him for this and when I do, the others try to change the subject and laugh about it like it hasn't happened. Is this normal behaviour for ESPs, to talk behind others backs but always try to keep the others happy when in conversation with them? It frustrates me sometimes because the guy can be so racist, sexist etc and also it seems a bit dishonest.
    My guess is that you aren't going about dealing with it in the most tactful way so that makes it an uncomfortable rather than helpful situation. (which would explain the trying to laugh it off thing) They probably just accept him the "way he is." He might also be playing a part if he is really sooo racist and sexist.

    About "talking behind people's backs" there are a few things you can do. Maybe randomly mention something about "isn't it funny how people who talk behind someone's back does it to all their friends" - sometimes something like that will work.

  6. #6
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    I detest people who talk shit.

    Talking badly behind someone's back is an act of cowardice.

    I have no tolerance for it, it is a quick ticket to being rudely dismissed from my universe of existence, and maybe smacked in the noggin.

    This is not an SP behavior, sorry.
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  7. #7
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    If I want to talk badly about people I'll tell them to their face as well!

    If I'm pissed and they aren't there I may vent to someone else, but once they show up they'll hear the same thing themselves
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  8. #8
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    hm, interesting. i know a lot of ESFPs that do. i have trouble confiding in them for that reason. although, most of my ESFPs i know through theater, so that pool of ESPs may be different.

    i don't know many ESTPs, but the ones i do are NOT prone to gossip. they don't really care.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Ming's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post
    hm, interesting. i know a lot of ESFPs that do. i have trouble confiding in them for that reason. although, most of my ESFPs i know through theater, so that pool of ESPs may be different.

    i don't know many ESTPs, but the ones i do are NOT prone to gossip. they don't really care.
    Most people in theatre are backstabbers. That's how actors and actresses roll.

    I really don't think (personal opinion) that SP's are 'backstabbers'. There's no need for us to? I mean we are quite accepting in many things; and we only 'vent' at other people, and tell the other person in the face later. So It's not really 'backstabbing', just short term enjoyment.

  10. #10
    Senior Member ColonelGadaafi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ming View Post
    Most people in theatre are backstabbers. That's how actors and actresses roll.

    I really don't think (personal opinion) that SP's are 'backstabbers'. There's no need for us to? I mean we are quite accepting in many things; and we only 'vent' at other people, and tell the other person in the face later. So It's not really 'backstabbing', just short term enjoyment.
    You can only speak for your own experience. People react different in enviroment's and morality takes its form in different shapes. And when Esfp's are put in a immoral social circles they will engage in it if there is any short term gain or "short term" enjoyment as you said. ESFP's will lie, gossip, and continue on a road for maximum drama and socialite conflict delight, simply because they percieve it as a part of the "game" of life or social interaction. It's natural for them to emulate other's behavior's, for good or bad.

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