He's still acting like a jerk and he's still being immature and selfish. actions > words.
He may *want* a second chance, but he really wants to indulge in himself more. If he cared enough, he'd make a much better effort.
I think the above is so clear.
I also think most of the 'confused' responses come from not having any idea what this gf actually "said" he did. She may have been just playing games because she is still emotionally invested, but if the gf was accusing him of treating her like crap during the relationship in actual ways that were abusive or deceitful (that match up with his current behaviors) than it makes a difference. However, for an ENFJ, it is difficult not to see both reasons (for the girl contacting her at all) as a red flag. If the ex relationship ended badly & was largely unhealthy, and she has posted before that this was the case, then this was evidence that things were going to get bad. Though not enough to make a judgment about him, it was a reasonable case for her to worry (especially after they had already had trouble).
Either way, confronting him was never a mistake if her desire was an open and honest relationship. Not clarifying that she wasn't accusing him of anything to come, but simply needed to express her fears and get some comfort from her boyfriend might have been.
Bottom line though is, if the relationship with his ex was so terrible (as lalangela has said he described it as when they first got together), the emails were not an 'innocent' attempt to reconnect like he tried saying they were. So I agree with mcmartinez84.
"In my soul rages a battle without victor. Between faith without proof and reason without charm." - Sully Prudhomme
I'm starting this one up, with false hopes it will answer at least some of the questions all the ISTP threads are asking (even though I'm female ).
So here are a few tips off the top of my head that I think (read: "hope") most ISTPs might agree with:
- We really don't mean to say hurtful things. When we're using Ti, we may say something we think is simply objective, but comes out the wrong way. Sometimes we forget to translate our thoughts to something a little more diplomatic.
- We're most likely to stick around if you don't try to control us. Just say "no" to putting leashes on ISTPs.
- Spending time with you or doing things for you is a tell-tale sign you're important to us. Seriously.
- Wanna do something special or to cheer us up? My advice is food or something new and exciting. A cheap trip somewhere (even nearby) would be pretty sweet. From what I can tell, almost all of us enjoys traveling.
- Be straightforward with us. If something is bothering you, just tell us. Just don't nag. And let it slide the first or second time if it's not a big deal. This way, if it happens again, you'll be able to give us examples of what we're doing so we can fix it. Calm tone of voice helps too.
- Cut loose with us! If we seem a little bored or are working too much, we need to cut loose every once in a while. If you're the person that reminds us of this, we'll love you for it.
I'll think of more later, but I really just wanted to get people started
I figured I'd revive this... just because (Mostly boredom). From my perspective as an ISTP, here's a few more tips I'd like to add since my last post way back when:
- We'll do our best to respect your boundaries/feelings if you're clear with them. And by clear, I don't mean several hints. I cannot emphasize being straight-forward enough. I mean flat out: "I need x because of y." We may toe that line a few times if it's not an answer we like, but if you're consistent and hold your ground, we'll stop. Especially when we recognize it's the only way.
- In return, please respect our own boundaries. We can be slow to make a decision about what's important to us (our lack of Fi). If we can clear the feelings/relationship fog long enough to figure out and express a boundary, then please respect it. The good news is, the lines of any boundaries we have may have a lot of room for error.
- If we seem confused about a relationship, give us enough time/space to figure it out. There will be no end in sight for that confusion if we're not given room to think. Keep in mind that we may pout if we don't get enough attention from you (Keyword: enough). Stay strong. It's for our own good.
- Encourage us if we give you a favorable reaction. Just like every other human being, we learn by your reactions. If we care enough, we're paying close attention to how you respond to us. We're not immune to being trained ... just don't let us know that's what we're doing, or we may rebel.
I have an inner monologue that sounds strikingly similar to something off Animal Planet.