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  1. #101
    sammy
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    Quote Originally Posted by lalangela View Post
    I feel like it's too late because first, I initiated the break up, so do I have to make the first move? Second, he said a lot of painful things like he didn't know if he even liked me and dating me was to see if I would grow on him. Also, I'm like his ex and he doesn't feel any different (though his actions seem to prove otherwise), so I will probably go through the same thing as she did. He gave me two reasons because I specifically asked where I came short: (a) He didn't feel like I trusted him (which I clarified to him asap) (b) the relationship didn't seem like it was going anywhere. I questioned this because I know he likes to live in the moment but this annoyed him and he replied, "well god woman I know I'm stupid but I'm not retarded. I stop to see what the fuck I'm doing once in a while." I guess people can say painful things in the heat of an argument. I don't know where to start fixing things, and part of me wants the dust to settle first.
    Are you sure you are a good fit for each other, overall?

  2. #102
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    I'm kindof confused why you want to fix things? It sounds like he wasn't making you very happy, and I also can't imagine an istp being happy about the behaviour that you've described.

    btw, "clarifying asap" that you trust someone after acting in a way that shows you don't trust them will not change their minds. Again, actions>words, and not just with istps.
    -end of thread-

  3. #103
    Senior Member mcmartinez84's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by poki View Post
    Fear isnt the way to get me to do anything. I will respond, but I will always get past my fears. I dont like being controlled by my fears.
    +1. I hate it. Don't do it if you expect to be around me much longer.

    Quote Originally Posted by StephMC View Post
    I prefer it very much if people tell me what I'm doing wrong or if something I'm doing is bothering them. I seriously may never know otherwise. The more calmly I'm confronted about it, the more favorably I respond. Although I respond as well as I can no matter what, I just might be a little more stressed out if I'm attacked with a flurry of emotions.

    But yeah, I don't tolerate threats well. At all. It flicks on my stubborn switch. And I'm not proud to say I've damaged relationships further by just up and walking away without looking back when I'm threatened past a certain point.
    +1

    Quote Originally Posted by Randomnity View Post
    I'm kindof confused why you want to fix things? It sounds like he wasn't making you very happy, and I also can't imagine an istp being happy about the behaviour that you've described.

    btw, "clarifying asap" that you trust someone after acting in a way that shows you don't trust them will not change their minds. Again, actions>words, and not just with istps.
    +1

    Everyone already said everything for me. That's why I'm lazy
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  4. #104
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    Second, he said a lot of painful things like he didn't know if he even liked me and dating me was to see if I would grow on him.
    Uhm, but he was the one who asked for a second chance? Does the action > words still apply here?

  5. #105
    Senior Member mcmartinez84's Avatar
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    He's still acting like a jerk and he's still being immature and selfish. actions > words.

    He may *want* a second chance, but he really wants to indulge in himself more. If he cared enough, he'd make a much better effort.
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  6. #106
    sammy
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    If anyone were cornering me with threats and the like, I'd probably react with some snipey remarks and probably hurtful comments to get rid of the person (to regain my peace of mind). Especially, if I perceived that my actions to make effort were being taken for granted.

    Is that possibly happening here?

  7. #107
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    He's still acting like a jerk and he's still being immature and selfish. actions > words.

    He may *want* a second chance, but he really wants to indulge in himself more. If he cared enough, he'd make a much better effort.
    __________________


    I think that's what lalangela wants to hear. (I think)

  8. #108
    Junior Member lalangela's Avatar
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    He strongly asserted that he doesn't change for anyone. Okay, so my actions showed otherwise but overall, I was happy.

    What's amusing is that he admits to being a stupid, immature jerk but then refuses to do anything about it because as I said before, he doesn't change for anyone.

  9. #109
    Junior Member lalangela's Avatar
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    Also, I guess I can go into some more detail. When I clarified it, I pointed out that I trusted him with my virginity so that should prove something. His actions did show that he was making some changes, but I blew up at him in the heat of the moment. I didn't know what to do with so much information at once. I just lost it. Seems like I can't redeem myself either.

  10. #110
    Controlled Mischief StephMC's Avatar
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    I'm not sure if I can speak for all ISTPs when I say this except for me and a few individuals I know IRL... but when some ISTPs constantly admit to something negative about themselves without any action (i.e., "I'm really lazy", "I'm just being stupid"), it's an excuse. They don't really plan on doing anything about it. They say those things in hopes you'll throw up your hands, get off their backs, and leave them be.

    An ISTP that wants to change just -does.-
    I have an inner monologue that sounds strikingly similar to something off Animal Planet.

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