User Tag List

First 23456 Last

Results 31 to 40 of 104

  1. #31
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    9,849

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Windigo View Post

    ISTPs are like a high quality scotch. It takes more time for them to mature into a smooth and satisfying drink. If you try them too early they are like razor blades going down.
    In my experience with one IsTP it takes an absurd amount of time for him to mature, he's 27 going on 22, at best.

    Such a brilliant child.....
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  2. #32
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    446

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by SillySapienne View Post
    Yes, it makes perfect sense.

    He's consistently tried to change me, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse.

    Regardless, they say that women are the ones who try or desire to change the men they're in love with, I am not one of them, in this regard, I believe that when you love someone, you love them for who they are, holistically, flaws and all.

    For him, everything, love, relationships, people, him, everything is a system, an imperfect system in constant need of improving... to *his* standards.

    I do believe that relationships, and one's life in general should be optimal/optimized, but I don't get greedy, or nit-picky, or obsessed.

    He is resistant to change himself, yet so eager to change/fix everything,( and I mean everything in the broadest sense here), else.

    I dunno.

    He's very introverted, and self-reliant, and self-enclosed and encompassing, almost to an autistic degree.

    I don't know if he wants a partner as much as he wants a pet. :/
    You sound like a wonderful woman who has really given a lot to this man. What attracted you to him in the first place?

    I don't know if his desire to improve you is particularly ISTP? My husband pretty much takes me for what I am and that's one of the things I found endearing of him. He was one of the few men WHO DIDN'T try to remake me into a better person. In fact he's the one that complains that I AM always trying to improve EVERYTHING! LOL!

    As an ENFP I am sure that you are looking for someone who can be a lot more spontaneous (ISTPs can sometimes get stuck in a rut that is hard to pull them out of) and also a LOT more encouraging and a lot more verbally affirming. Do you feel you can talk these things out with him freely?

  3. #33
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    9,849

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Windigo View Post
    You sound like a wonderful woman who has really given a lot to this man. What attracted you to him in the first place
    :blushing:

    Thank you, and yes, I have given a lot to this man/child.

    For me, it was love at first sight, and then two months later, I lost my virginity to him.

    He was aloof, confident, ridiculously smart, and unique, strange, odd, a man who had depth and layers of complexity.

    He also was/is a misogynist, an atheist, an uber-rational, and kinda reminded me a lot of me father, whom I had a horrible relationship with. :/


    I don't know if his desire to improve you is particularly ISTP? My husband pretty much takes me for what I am and that's one of the things I found endearing of him. He was one of the few men WHO DIDN'T try to remake me into a better person. In fact he's the one that complains that I AM always trying to improve EVERYTHING! LOL!
    Lucky you!

    Ummm, admittedly, when he and I first met, I was dealing with a lot of issues, I was amidst a thick existential depression, I was all heart, had a bleeding heart, a soul, a fire, a rage, a passion, he helped me temper my emotions, but then he also stifled, resented, and invalidated them. :/

    As an ENFP I am sure that you are looking for someone who can be a lot more spontaneous (ISTPs can sometimes get stuck in a rut that is hard to pull them out of)
    TRUTH!!!!

    and also a LOT more encouraging and a lot more verbally affirming. Do you feel you can talk these things out with him freely?
    He's gotten better at being more encouraging and affirming, over the years.

    But he becomes hostile whenever I express some sort of dissatisfaction with our relationship, very hostile, very very hostile and hurtful, and during these times, I find myself feeling sorry for him while simultaneously hating him and pitying him. :/
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  4. #34
    Senior Member man's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    MBTI
    IntP
    Enneagram
    =)
    Socionics
    =)
    Posts
    331

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by SillySapienne View Post
    :blushing:

    But he becomes hostile whenever I express some sort of dissatisfaction with our relationship, very hostile, very very hostile and hurtful, and during these times, I find myself feeling sorry for him while simultaneously hating him and pitying him. :/

    Your ISTP needs to learn some etiquette!!! You have a right to voice your opinions, and he shouldn't be acting like such a baby!!!

    I'm only 20 and I'm not ready to get married (LOL), but even I can see that everyone should treat each other with respect and kindness!! I can't stand to see all these hurt feelings caused by fellow ISTPs.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  5. #35
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    446

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by SillySapienne View Post
    :blushing:

    Thank you, and yes, I have given a lot to this man/child.

    For me, it was love at first sight, and then two months later, I lost my virginity to him.

    He was aloof, confident, ridiculously smart, and unique, strange, odd, a man who had depth and layers of complexity.

    He also was/is a misogynist, an atheist, an uber-rational, and kinda reminded me a lot of me father, whom I had a horrible relationship with. :/
    I can understand why you were intrigued by him. I think ENFPs are drawn to strong confident people with layers of complexity. Unfortunately we do kind of get drawn to people who are like our worst parental relationships. I was often attracted to people who were like my mom (with whom I didn't have a good relationship).

    Lucky you!

    Ummm, admittedly, when he and I first met, I was dealing with a lot of issues, I was amidst a thick existential depression, I was all heart, had a bleeding heart, a soul, a fire, a rage, a passion, he helped me temper my emotions, but then he also stifled, resented, and invalidated them. :/

    He's gotten better at being more encouraging and affirming, over the years.

    But he becomes hostile whenever I express some sort of dissatisfaction with our relationship, very hostile, very very hostile and hurtful, and during these times, I find myself feeling sorry for him while simultaneously hating him and pitying him. :/

    This makes a lot of sense, I think somehow though he got it into his mind that he needed to be in a sort of supervisory relationship with you. It sounds as if he's comfortable "fixing" you but not with you being fixed because then you will have to redefine the relationship.

    I read recently about how couples often enter in to these "unspoken agreements" with each other. "I'll be the broken one, you be the fixer" or "I'll build the wall, you break it down." I realized that with my ISTP we had a "I won't point out your flaws if you don't point out mine" agreement.

    I couldn't figure out why whenever we got into a fight he would become more and more enraged over my calmness. It felt like he WANTED me to go crazy and be the out of control, emotional female that he always said he despised? Then I realized that he only got angry when I expressed my dissatisfaction about the relationship. On a good day, "it was (my) issue, not (his)." On a bad day he would get very hostile as well. The calmer I was the more angry he would become because he felt like he wasn't "the Man". He would say something hurtful and then disappear without a word. This was frustrating for me at first. As an ENTJ I like to sit down and solve a problem as a team and be done with it. As an ISTP the only problem is an emergency.

    I talked to him about our "unspoken agreement" one day when I told him I was ready to leave if he didn't hear me out without getting angry. Things have been getting steadily better.

    I read in socionomics that ENFP/ISTP is the most optimal match because it is a dual relationship? I think if you two could redefine the relationship (maybe with counseling?) it would morph into a comfortable partnership, duality relationship where you actually balance each other out. He appreciates your emotional input and you respect his analytical input.

    10 years is a long time. Have you told him how close you are to being done with him? He might fear that no one else would put up with him or understand him like you do enough to try to work at it.

  6. #36
    ..... Intricate Mystic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    599

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Windigo View Post

    Man, I wasn't talking marriage, but you are the one who wasn't sure if you if you wanted "COMMITMENT" to which I say the above advice is good stuff ESPECIALLY because ISTPs tend to take things SO one day at a time that they end up in sticky situations that NEVER go away. (In other words they find themselves committed whether they want to be or not.)

    My ISTP thought he'd give this girl who'd been hounding him a date. He ended up "accidentally groping her" and has put up with 17 years of dealing with a certifiably crazy ex-wife (married for just 6 months--but they share a daughter of whom he now has full custody). Not only has this been hard for him personally, but it pretty much was the death sentence for any girl who came along after the ex and was frightened by her constant threats. I can't tell you how many times he's said, "I can't believe how I was so close to NOT going on that date with her."
    It's hard for me to understand how someone could end up married without wanting to be. Is it an inability to say "no" to a girl who is pressuring them?

  7. #37
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    MBTI
    ISTP
    Enneagram
    6w5 sx/sp
    Posts
    5,537

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Windigo View Post

    ISTPs are like a high quality scotch. It takes more time for them to mature into a smooth and satisfying drink. If you try them too early they are like razor blades going down.
    Absolutely.
    ~luck favors the ready~


    Shameless Self-Promotion:MDP2525's Den and the Start of Motorcycle Maintenance

  8. #38
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    446

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Intricate Mystic View Post
    It's hard for me to understand how someone could end up married without wanting to be. Is it an inability to say "no" to a girl who is pressuring them?
    No, the fact is that contrary to common belief, most ISTPs are decent guys. When he got the girl pregnant he decided he should "do the right thing." He didn't realize she was using him for his sperm. Although it ended shortly and painfully, it was the best thing for their daughter.

  9. #39
    ..... Intricate Mystic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    599

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Windigo View Post
    No, the fact is that contrary to common belief, most ISTPs are decent guys. When he got the girl pregnant he decided he should "do the right thing." He didn't realize she was using him for his sperm. Although it ended shortly and painfully, it was the best thing for their daughter.
    Thank you for explaining. I agree that most ISTPs are decent guys. The ones I know certainly are (and I'm sure this applies to women ISTPs as well!).

    It seems like being P's instead of J's can lead to trouble in relationships for ISTPs because they are so open-minded about people. One example of this is Slippy going out with a stripper who was trying to do something improper under the table when they were in a public place. Other types of men would never have dated a stripper in the first place!

  10. #40
    A window to the soul
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Intricate Mystic View Post
    ....Other types of men would never have dated a stripper in the first place!

Similar Threads

  1. [ISTP] Insights needed.. ISTP guy.
    By Heartbeat in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 01-06-2016, 05:12 AM
  2. [INTP] Help with INTP guy and smoking?
    By yupyupyup in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 18
    Last Post: 09-28-2010, 10:24 AM
  3. [ISTP] ISTP guys and slaves
    By yupyupyup in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 04-04-2010, 11:35 PM
  4. [ISTP] ISTP guy please explain?
    By yupyupyup in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 41
    Last Post: 04-03-2010, 06:34 PM
  5. [ISFP] help with an ISFP?
    By laughing dolphin in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 18
    Last Post: 02-21-2008, 07:34 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO