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  1. #21
    Senior Member Bamboo's Avatar
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    as I am prone to saying "life is about choices."

    if you're trying to make good choices, it's your fault if you make stupid, uniformed ones.

    it's equally your fault if you spend so much time gathering information that you don't actually do anything.

    it's a risk to put in a lot of effort on something that might not pay off. i was thinking about this earlier, but more on the subject of work/money than relationships. but the concept is similar. what it really all points toward is that I really have to be a whole lot more directed, industrious, and more willing to take (social) risks.

    and when I do consider the long term, i do think about the traits I might desire in a wife(!!!)*, and I craft myself appropriately. but there will still be chance, can't get around that.


    *to some extent, this weirds me out, but the concept of good long term relationships does have it's appeal. at any rate, the traits I build in myself generally have positive externalities and are generally practical.
    Don't know how much it'll bend til it breaks.

  2. #22
    Dreaming the life onemoretime's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by man View Post
    Ok, other threads I post have NOT been so serious, they were just for laugh but this one is serious.

    I am ISTP and there is this girl (dunno what type)!!! I accidentally invited her backpacking and made out with her. Now she keeps talking to me, and giving me her phone number in case I want to invite to something else???

    I dunno I haven't given dating her much thought until now though I suppose she's been into me for months, I dunno if I want commitment, but maybe it wouldn't be too bad??????????????

    ty, love man
    Figure what you feel out, then communicate that with her, for good or for bad. Avoiding the issue only makes it worse.

  3. #23
    Senior Member man's Avatar
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    i already communicated and ask her out on date!!! it made her really happy which is good enough for me

    whether its good for me in the long run is yet to be scene, but i'm a big fan of self sacrifice
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  4. #24
    Senior Member Bamboo's Avatar
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    i wrote the above before i saw your second post.

    and yes i'm certainly on the critical and analytical side of the spectrum.


    but to answer this:
    But, they eventually come around.

    But, and this is a big BUT, when they do eventually come around, will you still be around?!?

    Maybe, maybe not...
    ...if there is really something there, that fits in the long term, than I think more on the side of "maybe" than "not".
    Don't know how much it'll bend til it breaks.

  5. #25
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    You sound exactly like my ISTP.

    I don't know if he's even mine anymore.

    I think he kinda lost me.

    TEN YEARS, TEN YEARS!!!

    And, finally, he's willing to concede/accept a life-long partnership, but always with contingencies.

    No woman is gonna be down for that!!!

    Harumph, I'm being a little negative here, though.

    He does have some AMAZING qualities.

    And, when they are willing to commit to something, you bet your ass that they've put a buttload of thought into it.

    Stressful, too stressful.

    When I recede, he comes knocking at my door, when I'm around, he doubts.

    When I doubt him, and us, he becomes steadfast in his belief that we are meant to be with each other, and that I am the best girl in the world.
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  6. #26
    Senior Member Bamboo's Avatar
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    moved
    Last edited by Bamboo; 04-05-2010 at 12:03 AM. Reason: tangent
    Don't know how much it'll bend til it breaks.

  7. #27
    Dreaming the life onemoretime's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by man View Post
    i already communicated and ask her out on date!!! it made her really happy which is good enough for me

    whether its good for me in the long run is yet to be scene, but i'm a big fan of self sacrifice
    Listen to your emotions, they're far more perceptive than we often give them credit for.

  8. #28
    Senior Member Bamboo's Avatar
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    man:

    self-sacrifice is great until it's apparent that things suck. not the best long term strategy, but you'll work it out. i sense the bravado, nothing wrong with that, just don't get carried away.

    Remember step 3.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bamboo View Post
    ..., step 3 is:

    3. Make a shit-ton of mistakes

    this part will be awkward.



    and for god's sake, don't get her pregnant. accidental kissing, no big deal. carry the supplies you need...
    Don't know how much it'll bend til it breaks.

  9. #29
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bamboo View Post
    quite a dance you're dancing, eh?

    slow down a bit. if you slow the tempo you'll notice the transitions better.

    the transitions are important to note - note who changed what and what you feel when things change.

    does that make sense?
    Yes, it makes perfect sense.

    He's consistently tried to change me, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse.

    Regardless, they say that women are the ones who try or desire to change the men they're in love with, I am not one of them, in this regard, I believe that when you love someone, you love them for who they are, holistically, flaws and all.

    For him, everything, love, relationships, people, him, everything is a system, an imperfect system in constant need of improving... to *his* standards.

    I do believe that relationships, and one's life in general should be optimal/optimized, but I don't get greedy, or nit-picky, or obsessed.

    He is resistant to change himself, yet so eager to change/fix everything,( and I mean everything in the broadest sense here), else.

    I dunno.

    He's very introverted, and self-reliant, and self-enclosed and encompassing, almost to an autistic degree.

    I don't know if he wants a partner as much as he wants a pet. :/
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bamboo View Post
    What a good post. ^^^



    All around solid reference guide and advice.

    And regarding "being upfront" and "recognizing that they will interpret it any way they wish to." Yeesh, that's the truth. I've made the stupid mistake of thinking that being upfront and forthright would guard me from entanglements.

    Not the case. I have gone to the point of "ruining the mood" and essentially producing a clear oral contract* that 'I'm NOT looking for a commitment and this would just be for fun and I'm not willing to do this if you expect more than that'. Even so, I've still gotten into situations where the other party expected more from me (which wouldn't be so bad, at least for me, in itself) and gave me problems until I had to drive it home to back off.


    So the point I'm making, and what I would add to all this is: learn to identify the ones who are really looking for more than you are, even if they don't know it themselves. It's good for both of you not to get caught up in something that isn't so ideal.
    Excellent point. I suppose that knowledge comes with lots of experience for most people.

    The oral contract is one reason why ISTPs and ENTJ women make a good pair. I often made an oral contract on the first date. I found it funny how often some guys would call me for months arguing about how unfair my contract was . . . . my response was always, "Hey, I've been open and up front with you, if you don't like my conditions then I expect you to move along and find someone else. What's the point of calling me for six months complaining that I'm unreasonable? Here's a quarter call someone who cares." Seriously, why were they so angry? I told them my expectations LONG before either one of us developed enough of a bond to hurt. You'd think guys especially would appreciate that from a girl.

    The guys I've known I could actually be comfortable with for a life time are the ones who were confident enough to hear it without being offended. I guess that's dominant Te. My ISTP husband actually visibly relaxed when I told him my contract. I was also thankful that he was also honest with me from the beginning. We were then free to enjoy each other's company and interests. We got to know each other without any expectations. Neither one of us made commitments of ANY kind until we were absolutely sure we were compatible. After a few months he revised his intentions and I agreed. Of course we were both understanding that ANY relationship is a risk, but it has been an 8 year adventure that only gets better with time.

    ISTPs are like a high quality scotch. It takes more time for them to mature into a smooth and satisfying drink. If you try them too early they are like razor blades going down.

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