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[ISTP] My ISTP and I...

simulatedworld

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Nov 7, 2008
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7w6
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sx/so
Actually he did fix my water heater in my apartment...He asked me for days afterward if it was still working and told me I could call him anytime if I need it fix it again

That settles it. He wants to get in your pants.
 

toast

New member
Joined
Oct 22, 2009
Messages
239
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
2w3
Why are ISTP's so popular?

'Cause they're good at 'life'. And they're hot.


...And they're confusing.

:sadbanana:

To the OP, keep in mind you can't have contact with him on a 'just friends' basis if you are 'obsessed'. My advice is first & foremost, get rid of some of this infatuation by getting him out of your head more than he is in it, if that's even possible, before you proceed. I, for one, can say the whole xNFJ to ISTP obsession can starve you of all security & rationality. You try to be around him while you feel that strongly for him & you will keep hooking up when you aren't emotionally secure enough for it to be a good thing. Eventually, giving in will start to go against your values & then you are really in the potty. Then its insecurity, self-doubt, shame, confusion, frustration, you name it... none of which will get you a relationship.
 

jeejeek

New member
Joined
Mar 24, 2010
Messages
14
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INFJ
To the OP, keep in mind you can't have contact with him on a 'just friends' basis if you are 'obsessed'. My advice is first & foremost, get rid of some of this infatuation by getting him out of your head more than he is in it, if that's even possible, before you proceed. I, for one, can say the whole xNFJ to ISTP obsession can starve you of all security & rationality. You try to be around him while you feel that strongly for him & you will keep hooking up when you aren't emotionally secure enough for it to be a good thing. Eventually, giving in will start to go against your values & then you are really in the potty. Then its insecurity, self-doubt, shame, confusion, frustration, you name it... none of which will get you a relationship.

Tell me about it, I think my dad was an ISTP and I grew up feeling he never loved me...I think I was seventeen when he finally did...I burst into tears because it had been so long that I wanted to hear these words from him. Him? He was amused and had a good laugh at my expense. And here I am getting involved with an ISTP...yikes
 
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toast

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Oct 22, 2009
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239
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2w3
Ouch. I don't think anything could be worse than father issues in an NFJ with an STP. I had some mild trouble with my dad (basically he played the part but always had a very obvious distance that made me just sort of 'know' he didn't feel much for us) but I never had any issues with it until my ISTP. I was always the 'chased' one in relationships with other Fs or Js and it wasn't bothersome to me so I was genuinely content. Then with the ISTP (and I think its somewhere in the STP but not necessarily the type), I found that distance & eventually recognized it may have been agitated by how similar it was to my father's. It is specifically that spontaneous eruption of emotion or vulnerability that is rarely shown through the obvious discomfort & anxiety at not knowing how to feign emotions that aren't there regularly. Like, I can look at a person I love & summon up insane & overwhelming feelings for them in milliseconds. Empathy does this immediately for me by nature. So an STP seems to struggle with not having that right there in case someone is looking for them to 'feel' something on the spot, and their deep feelings (even happiness & security with another person) erupt far too little for our comfort. I don't know if the past makes too much difference though, because its still a bad combo when it comes to staying "secure."
 

simulatedworld

Freshman Member
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Tell me about it, I think my dad was an ISTP and I grew up feeling he never loved me...I think I was seventeen when he told me he loved me and it made me cry it had been so long that I wanted to hear these words from him. And I here I am getting involved with an ISTP...yikes

Might there be a correlation?
 

jeejeek

New member
Joined
Mar 24, 2010
Messages
14
MBTI Type
INFJ
The biggest love of my life was a ENTJ and we broke up a few years ago. Then I dated a ISTP for a year and it didn't work out for issues that weren't type related, as he was completely smitten with me from the beginning and made a big effort to integrate me into his life. This one I think I made an error from the beginning -- I actually made a joke on our third date that I like being called/texted once a day. He took me way too seriously and since then has been coming in/out of my life. He calls me a princess now and says that I'm too demanding.

I think there's also a control issue involved, he always backs away when I suggest we get together then proposes another time, which is what he did this week. Perhaps I should just give up on this one given my history with my father and the way this relationship has progressed thus far...I don't know...
 

Rebe

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Nov 15, 2009
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4sop
Why do NFs have a hard time making decisions? I have changed my mind with my istp about twenty times. He is still around. Huh. :huh:
 

Rainne

One day and the next
Joined
Mar 7, 2010
Messages
875
MBTI Type
ISTP
I think there's also a control issue involved, he always backs away when I suggest we get together then proposes another time, which is what he did this week. Perhaps I should just give up on this one given my history with my father and the way this relationship has progressed thus far...I don't know...

i'll give you some istp pick up advice

start the conversation with a bored "yo" -> he'll reply w/ a bored "yo"

then proceed to bait him w/ a "what are you up to" in a tone as if you could care less what he's up to -> he'll probably reply w/ a "not much"

then reel him in w/ a "yo you feel like chilling together?" as if you could care less either way -> he'll most likely reply w/ "ok", if he says "not really" (it's nothing personal, he genuinely doesn't feel like having company at that moment), try again later
 

Rachelinpa

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Aug 4, 2008
Messages
878
MBTI Type
ENFP
from an NF to an NF dating an ISTP, i say keep him as a pal, not a lover.

seeing that the issue is a lack of affirmation anyway, it's kind of like he had better REALLY want to be with you to keep him around and show that to you in actions. otherwise, you're probably just going to feel needy and desperate... and we hate that feeling.

you're probably not just an easy lay to him, but he probably isn't going to want more with you than a friendship w/benefits. and whether you allow the benefits is up to you. i would think he'd want to stay your friend either way.

He replied saying that he had a good time with me but bec he just got out of a long-term relationship, he didnt want a serious relationship...that he wished the circumstances could've been different...but he'd like for us to stay in touch.

yep. closure.
 

mcmartinez84

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Oct 25, 2007
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650
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ISTP
ISTPs tend to like to make sure you are interested in them before they reciprocate. If you send mixed signals, that will make them unsure about whether to proceed or not.
Definitely +1! Making sure someone is interested is fairly important. I want to know that he's not just looking for a good lay. I don't have a problem with looking for that per se, but if that's all he wants, then he can look elsewhere given that I'm looking for something long term or at least a little more meaningful. Obviously this guy is looking for a relationship since he's on this dating site all the time.

I'm weird about how I treat people I initially meet...or rather how I think about the progression. I know I'm fairly gullible, so I never *really* know why people are being nice to me at first. I don't neeeeed anyone to be friends with me. I don't neeeeeeed a boyfriend. That ends up with them having to essentially prove themselves to me in some form. I have to see that they're the type I want to hang around, that they generally mean well, that they're actually interested in ME and my wellbeing and not after my attention for other reasons. (It's fine if someone only wants me to work on their computer as long as they're not fake about it and try to be friends with me just so I'll do stuff for free.)

Anyway, I need that before I feel like someone is being honest with me and before I'm comfortable showing interest in them and initiating interaction. And mixed signals are for lamers. You're either interested or you're not. That's just going to delay my interest back...or even kill the possibility if it lasts long enough.

Cause we're awesome and when we perform or fix things, you'd be like "wow, you're really good, nice job" and we'd shrug and be like "meh".
That's definitely my reaction to stuff like that! :rofl1:

Actually he did fix my water heater in my apartment...He asked me for days afterward if it was still working and told me, for that, I could call him anytime and he'll come immediately to fix it. That's when I realized I was dating an ISTP.
Read my next comment :D

Pretty sure he's more concerned about the water heater.
Yep. I want my work to fix the problem and last! If it breaks again, I didn't do it right the first time and I should fix it again!

I ended up working on a friend's home network for about 3 hours fixing what AT&T had setup very weirdly. Somehow what they did worked, but it didn't allow for any flexibility with the router (no setting a static IP)...it was causing a problem with her Blu Ray player's network connection and it was a jumbled mess of fail. After trying a zillion things, I ended up resetting all of her hardware, wiring things the *right* way and voila, everything worked properly. She hasn't had a problem since and her wireless even works better now! Go me! :cheese:

i'll give you some istp pick up advice

start the conversation with a bored "yo" -> he'll reply w/ a bored "yo"

then proceed to bait him w/ a "what are you up to" in a tone as if you could care less what he's up to -> he'll probably reply w/ a "not much"

then reel him in w/ a "yo you feel like chilling together?" as if you could care less either way -> he'll most likely reply w/ "ok", if he says "not really" (it's nothing personal, he genuinely doesn't feel like having company at that moment), try again later
You're good! I completely agree with this progression. If he's interested and *can't* go, he'll prolly tell you he's free some other specific time and work with you on figuring out when you can go do something.

Not that I advocate conning, but one good way to con someone into hanging out is to give them the choice of a couple of different times. Say something like "D'you wanna do 'Some Activity' on either 'Option 1' or 'Option 2' days/times with me?" It might give you a better idea of whether or not he's interested. If he says "no" to both of those and doesn't suggest another time, I'd assume he's not interested at all.

And that's my $0.02!
 

jeejeek

New member
Joined
Mar 24, 2010
Messages
14
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INFJ
You're good! I completely agree with this progression. If he's interested and *can't* go, he'll prolly tell you he's free some other specific time and work with you on figuring out when you can go do something.

He always seems to refuse my offer of hanging out when I want to even if I take care to suggest times when I know that he's free, then suggests another time. Why is that? Does he feel like I'm pressuring him or something?
 

ElizaJane

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Mar 21, 2010
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My vote is to keep him as a friend.

My husband's parents are INFP (mom) and ISTP (dad). I know both well, and I can't believe they were ever together... They divorced when my husband was 8. Basically, she left because she never felt like the ISTP loved her. She says he never ever showed it. I really like the ISTP dad, but I can see how that dynamic could develop.

This might not be the case for every single INFP-ISTP pairing, but as an INFJ I have a hard time imagining myself with an ISTP. I like to give affirmation as much as I want to receive it. By what you said, it sounds like you would have to hold back in a way. I don't think you'd want that in a lifelong partner.

Good luck!
 
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Rainne

One day and the next
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Mar 7, 2010
Messages
875
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ISTP
He always seems to refuse my offer of hanging out when I want to even if I take care to suggest times when I know that he's free, then suggests another time. Why is that? Does he feel like I'm pressuring him or something?

well, hate to say it but perhaps he's bored of you

anyhow, i think the ISFP - ISTP relationship works best. Here's a typical day w/ my gf

setting: my apartment

her: 'what are you up to'
me: 'nothing, browsing some stuff'
her: 'ok'

*sounds of keyboard typing and pencil scratching are heard*

me: 'nice drawing'
her: 'thnx, i started yesterday'
her: 'do you like it?'
me: 'yeah it looks great'
her: =)

*a long silence ensues as we resume our respective activities*

an hour passes

me: 'hey are you hungry'
her: 'hmm not really...'
me: 'ok'
her: 'why, are you hungry?'
me: 'yeah'
her: 'but i'm so close to finishing!'
me: 'it's ok i can wait'
her: 'no...if you're really hungry...'
me; it's ok i can wait'
me: 'okay'

15 minutes pass

her: 'done!'
me: 'looks good, let's go'

you cannot ask for a better relationship :hug:
 

Rebe

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Nov 15, 2009
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INFP
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4sop
infp: say something sweet
istp: i am not going to write a love song just because you want one, you know that song, right? do you really want me to write one just because you need it?
infp: ... but i want one
istp: ...silence... *heavy sigh* ...more silence...

If it is necessary in a practical way, they will give you some sweet words, like fixing a machine that went a little haywire, but if the machine is fine, they don't feel the need to unnecessarily fix or add anything to it. Whereas NFs are constantly tuning their machines.
 

Craft

Probably Most Brilliant
Joined
Jan 8, 2010
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5w7
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sx/so
How about an ESFP + ISTP? example conversations?
 

KDude

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Jan 26, 2010
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How about an ESFP + ISTP? example conversations?

are-you-not-entertained.jpg


esfp: ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?
istp: ...
 

Craft

Probably Most Brilliant
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Jan 8, 2010
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are-you-not-entertained.jpg


esfp: ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?
istp: ...

Lolz. But seriously, you don't think ISTP's are that non-reactive? I could see a joker + audience relationship.
 
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