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  1. #31
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    from an NF to an NF dating an ISTP, i say keep him as a pal, not a lover.

    seeing that the issue is a lack of affirmation anyway, it's kind of like he had better REALLY want to be with you to keep him around and show that to you in actions. otherwise, you're probably just going to feel needy and desperate... and we hate that feeling.

    you're probably not just an easy lay to him, but he probably isn't going to want more with you than a friendship w/benefits. and whether you allow the benefits is up to you. i would think he'd want to stay your friend either way.

    He replied saying that he had a good time with me but bec he just got out of a long-term relationship, he didnt want a serious relationship...that he wished the circumstances could've been different...but he'd like for us to stay in touch.
    yep. closure.

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebe View Post
    Why do NFs have a hard time making decisions? I have changed my mind with my istp about twenty times. He is still around. Huh.
    LOL I know how you feel!

  3. #33
    Senior Member mcmartinez84's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Intricate Mystic View Post
    ISTPs tend to like to make sure you are interested in them before they reciprocate. If you send mixed signals, that will make them unsure about whether to proceed or not.
    Definitely +1! Making sure someone is interested is fairly important. I want to know that he's not just looking for a good lay. I don't have a problem with looking for that per se, but if that's all he wants, then he can look elsewhere given that I'm looking for something long term or at least a little more meaningful. Obviously this guy is looking for a relationship since he's on this dating site all the time.

    I'm weird about how I treat people I initially meet...or rather how I think about the progression. I know I'm fairly gullible, so I never *really* know why people are being nice to me at first. I don't neeeeed anyone to be friends with me. I don't neeeeeeed a boyfriend. That ends up with them having to essentially prove themselves to me in some form. I have to see that they're the type I want to hang around, that they generally mean well, that they're actually interested in ME and my wellbeing and not after my attention for other reasons. (It's fine if someone only wants me to work on their computer as long as they're not fake about it and try to be friends with me just so I'll do stuff for free.)

    Anyway, I need that before I feel like someone is being honest with me and before I'm comfortable showing interest in them and initiating interaction. And mixed signals are for lamers. You're either interested or you're not. That's just going to delay my interest back...or even kill the possibility if it lasts long enough.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rainne View Post
    Cause we're awesome and when we perform or fix things, you'd be like "wow, you're really good, nice job" and we'd shrug and be like "meh".
    That's definitely my reaction to stuff like that!

    Quote Originally Posted by jeejeek View Post
    Actually he did fix my water heater in my apartment...He asked me for days afterward if it was still working and told me, for that, I could call him anytime and he'll come immediately to fix it. That's when I realized I was dating an ISTP.
    Read my next comment

    Quote Originally Posted by Rainne View Post
    Pretty sure he's more concerned about the water heater.
    Yep. I want my work to fix the problem and last! If it breaks again, I didn't do it right the first time and I should fix it again!

    I ended up working on a friend's home network for about 3 hours fixing what AT&T had setup very weirdly. Somehow what they did worked, but it didn't allow for any flexibility with the router (no setting a static IP)...it was causing a problem with her Blu Ray player's network connection and it was a jumbled mess of fail. After trying a zillion things, I ended up resetting all of her hardware, wiring things the *right* way and voila, everything worked properly. She hasn't had a problem since and her wireless even works better now! Go me!

    Quote Originally Posted by Rainne View Post
    i'll give you some istp pick up advice

    start the conversation with a bored "yo" -> he'll reply w/ a bored "yo"

    then proceed to bait him w/ a "what are you up to" in a tone as if you could care less what he's up to -> he'll probably reply w/ a "not much"

    then reel him in w/ a "yo you feel like chilling together?" as if you could care less either way -> he'll most likely reply w/ "ok", if he says "not really" (it's nothing personal, he genuinely doesn't feel like having company at that moment), try again later
    You're good! I completely agree with this progression. If he's interested and *can't* go, he'll prolly tell you he's free some other specific time and work with you on figuring out when you can go do something.

    Not that I advocate conning, but one good way to con someone into hanging out is to give them the choice of a couple of different times. Say something like "D'you wanna do 'Some Activity' on either 'Option 1' or 'Option 2' days/times with me?" It might give you a better idea of whether or not he's interested. If he says "no" to both of those and doesn't suggest another time, I'd assume he's not interested at all.

    And that's my $0.02!
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  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by mcmartinez84 View Post
    You're good! I completely agree with this progression. If he's interested and *can't* go, he'll prolly tell you he's free some other specific time and work with you on figuring out when you can go do something.
    He always seems to refuse my offer of hanging out when I want to even if I take care to suggest times when I know that he's free, then suggests another time. Why is that? Does he feel like I'm pressuring him or something?

  5. #35
    Member ElizaJane's Avatar
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    My vote is to keep him as a friend.

    My husband's parents are INFP (mom) and ISTP (dad). I know both well, and I can't believe they were ever together... They divorced when my husband was 8. Basically, she left because she never felt like the ISTP loved her. She says he never ever showed it. I really like the ISTP dad, but I can see how that dynamic could develop.

    This might not be the case for every single INFP-ISTP pairing, but as an INFJ I have a hard time imagining myself with an ISTP. I like to give affirmation as much as I want to receive it. By what you said, it sounds like you would have to hold back in a way. I don't think you'd want that in a lifelong partner.

    Good luck!
    Last edited by ElizaJane; 03-25-2010 at 10:10 PM. Reason: clarification to not offend ISTPs

  6. #36
    One day and the next Rainne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jeejeek View Post
    He always seems to refuse my offer of hanging out when I want to even if I take care to suggest times when I know that he's free, then suggests another time. Why is that? Does he feel like I'm pressuring him or something?
    well, hate to say it but perhaps he's bored of you

    anyhow, i think the ISFP - ISTP relationship works best. Here's a typical day w/ my gf

    setting: my apartment

    her: 'what are you up to'
    me: 'nothing, browsing some stuff'
    her: 'ok'

    *sounds of keyboard typing and pencil scratching are heard*

    me: 'nice drawing'
    her: 'thnx, i started yesterday'
    her: 'do you like it?'
    me: 'yeah it looks great'
    her: =)

    *a long silence ensues as we resume our respective activities*

    an hour passes

    me: 'hey are you hungry'
    her: 'hmm not really...'
    me: 'ok'
    her: 'why, are you hungry?'
    me: 'yeah'
    her: 'but i'm so close to finishing!'
    me: 'it's ok i can wait'
    her: 'no...if you're really hungry...'
    me; it's ok i can wait'
    me: 'okay'

    15 minutes pass

    her: 'done!'
    me: 'looks good, let's go'

    you cannot ask for a better relationship

  7. #37
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    infp: say something sweet
    istp: i am not going to write a love song just because you want one, you know that song, right? do you really want me to write one just because you need it?
    infp: ... but i want one
    istp: ...silence... *heavy sigh* ...more silence...

    If it is necessary in a practical way, they will give you some sweet words, like fixing a machine that went a little haywire, but if the machine is fine, they don't feel the need to unnecessarily fix or add anything to it. Whereas NFs are constantly tuning their machines.

  8. #38
    Probably Most Brilliant Craft's Avatar
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    How about an ESFP + ISTP? example conversations?

  9. #39
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Craft View Post
    How about an ESFP + ISTP? example conversations?


    esfp: ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?
    istp: ...

  10. #40
    Probably Most Brilliant Craft's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KDude View Post


    esfp: ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?
    istp: ...
    Lolz. But seriously, you don't think ISTP's are that non-reactive? I could see a joker + audience relationship.

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