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  1. #51
    Junior Member lalangela's Avatar
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    what bothers me is that things that would otherwise push people apart are just bringing us closer? Despite everything, we're closer than ever.

  2. #52
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    Quote Originally Posted by toast View Post
    I don't even know if its possible to decide you don't really want to be with him while you're still communicating with him.
    I'm just gonna go ahead and corroborate this. I've known plenty of people who keep in communication with--or even live with--people they've broken up with, and they end up getting sucked back in. The cycle repeats ad infinitum until their circumstances no longer allow them to be together, and, in the meantime, they're miserable.

    When they've got the influence of that other person lingering over them, they can't seem to make the decision that they clearly really want to make.

  3. #53
    Senior Member toast's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sLiPpY View Post
    lalangela, I too "hate" people. It's very odd. I'm warm, I'm friendly...easy going. But I frickn' hate most people, especially the one's I don't know or trust.

    I suspect it's a left over thought/feeling that was beneficial for the survival of humanity at one point or another. Lots of people think/feel that way. I've noticed it more so among ISTP's I've known in daily life. Might just be inherent to the area I live in.

    It's in the South, where all us southerners know that "Bless your dear, sweet heart." Is grandma speak for "Go f* ck yourself!"

    We even talk about having gone somewhere and our general disgust and disdain for people in general. Or more illusively, "Yeah, I know exactly what you are saying."

    Then out of the blue I find myself talking with a stranger, and quickly forget I held that sence of general disdain at all.
    Sounds like my ISTP. He has all these acquaintances & seems to love meeting new people but he openly says he 'hates people' in general, pretty often. He really really dreams of being a hermit in the same way I dream of being a pillar - unrealistically, because he wants to be around people from time to time while I need them from time to time.
    ____________________________________________
    "In my soul rages a battle without victor. Between faith without proof and reason without charm." - Sully Prudhomme

  4. #54
    Junior Member lalangela's Avatar
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    how likely are ISTPs to learn from their mistakes? My ISTP and I finally had that serious discussion about his feelings, and it seems he's sincere about changing. He came to me first. How likely is that he'll follow through?

  5. #55
    Senior Member countrygirl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lalangela View Post
    how likely are ISTPs to learn from their mistakes? My ISTP and I finally had that serious discussion about his feelings, and it seems he's sincere about changing. He came to me first. How likely is that he'll follow through?
    That depends on his values, not his type.

  6. #56
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by countrygirl View Post
    That depends on his values, not his type.
    Yeah ISTP's are getting kind of a bad rap lately due to an influx of posters having a hard time with their ISTP's but lets not get too carried away with stereotyping. They're not all bad. There are plenty of people who are in happy committed relationships with their ISTP's. They are not all alike.

    PS - countrygirl, I still think you're ISFJ.

  7. #57
    Senior Member toast's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lalangela View Post
    how likely are ISTPs to learn from their mistakes? My ISTP and I finally had that serious discussion about his feelings, and it seems he's sincere about changing. He came to me first. How likely is that he'll follow through?
    I'd think of it as a slow process rather than an instant commitment to change. Watch out for how you look for 'follow through'. That he realized he wants to do something is the first step, but ISTP = slow n steady. I wouldn't expect things to be different right away or to even see observable signs very often. Truth is he may get caught up in the present & not focus on the details of his intentions. But I'd bet he hasnt forgotten them. With an Istp, commitment seems more like a process than a choice - intention + action becomes commitment (correct me if I'm wrong guys). so commitment to change means: first, figuring out how he wants to change, in a definable/applicable way, which might be hard for him & take a while. He may make efforts in the meantime, like trying to communicate more so you know he's trying to open up and get closer, but they may be lost on you if you're looking for too much too soon.

    When my ISTP did this it was a slow process that I could not see improvement in day to day, but my critical outlook and downright uneasiness punctuated it with 'talks' like the one you had (where he opened up, told me what he wanted, & reminded me that he was working on it). Sometimes they seemed to renew his desire to tear down his walls & make it work. More often they made him anxious that he wasn't good enough or frustrated at my impatience. I really feel like I rushed him, but in reality I think he took as long as he would've taken if I'd been easygoing about it. And I'd have seriously lost my mind without those 'reminders.' So if you really want to make it work for both of you, try not to lose your head if he takes forever but honestly let him know if you do. Give him the chance to reassure you. (I know how hard that is but don't be scared you'll push him. He probably wont be pushed by anyone.)
    ____________________________________________
    "In my soul rages a battle without victor. Between faith without proof and reason without charm." - Sully Prudhomme

  8. #58
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    Current insights into ISTP and ENFJ.

    ISTP finds fault because of digging into problems. I dont like to hold the impression internally that someone is right or wrong.

    ENFJ on the other hand holds what people do as right or wrong because of goal orientation, but doesnt like to find fault or blame(this I am still up in the air on the wording).
    Im out, its been fun

  9. #59
    Member Little Laura's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sLiPpY View Post
    lalangela, I too "hate" people. It's very odd. I'm warm, I'm friendly...easy going. But I frickn' hate most people, especially the one's I don't know or trust.

    I suspect it's a left over thought/feeling that was beneficial for the survival of humanity at one point or another. Lots of people think/feel that way. I've noticed it more so among ISTP's I've known in daily life. Might just be inherent to the area I live in.

    It's in the South, where all us southerners know that "Bless your dear, sweet heart." Is grandma speak for "Go f* ck yourself!"

    We even talk about having gone somewhere and our general disgust and disdain for people in general. Or more illusively, "Yeah, I know exactly what you are saying."

    Then out of the blue I find myself talking with a stranger, and quickly forget I held that sence of general disdain at all.
    OH MY WOW. This sounds exactly like my friend. We like to have "ranting fests" where we pretty much rag on everyone in the world and why we hate people. LOL.
    He will go on and on and on and on about how he hates people and then suddenly end up at a party and have tons of fun for about an hour and then start calling me or texting me because he wants to go home and be alone. LOL. Oh my...
    He also always seems to think everyone hates him when he first meets them...so he somewhat pushes them away and acts a bit like a dink. I don't know if that is typical ISTP behaviour...or just a defence-mechanism he has developed.
    "That's life. If nothing else, its life. It's real, and sometimes it fuckin' hurts, but it's sort of all we have."
    -Garden State

  10. #60
    Senior Member toast's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by poki View Post
    Current insights into ISTP and ENFJ.

    ISTP finds fault because of digging into problems. I dont like to hold the impression internally that someone is right or wrong.

    ENFJ on the other hand holds what people do as right or wrong because of goal orientation, but doesnt like to find fault or blame(this I am still up in the air on the wording).
    I agree with that. I see 'mistakes' and make judgments about people's motives and how people do 'right' or 'wrong' based on their external environment (the situation they are acting in), but I don't like people accusing me of judging 'them' or feeling like someone particular is 'wrong.' I can actually be in an argument with someone and they are defensive because I am being judgmental about them, when I think I am just addressing their actions. I can get stressed and dislike people based on what they do in short bursts (when Fi comes into play), but I just can't see people that way in the long term. I think its a common ground in disguise (between ISTP and ENFJ), because I don't want to hold the impression internally that someone is right or wrong either, but externally I just do... and internally it is just a blind spot. I don't know about other ENFJs though.
    ____________________________________________
    "In my soul rages a battle without victor. Between faith without proof and reason without charm." - Sully Prudhomme

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