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  1. #41
    Junior Member lalangela's Avatar
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    Yesterday, the ISTP was angry about something. He initiated conversation, saying that "he remembered why he hates people." From an ENFJ perspective, that is a depressing statement. He's rarely ever angry so I was particularly curious as to what could have pissed him off. I didn't try to force it out of him so I simply recognized that he was angry and expected him to talk about it if it wasn't really bothering him. Should I have directly asked him to talk about it? I'm not sure if he told me because he was amazingly good at tabling his anger and joking around. I feel like my conversations with him are becoming fake and shallow because I'm trying so hard not to give any hints about my true feelings. I even said that I was never planning on getting married, something that it completely outrageous, because I was worried that talking about my view on marriage would somehow reveal how I feel about him.

    There's another ENFJ in my life. He's older than me, but he's more needy than I am. I wake up to texts saying that he misses me when we haven't even started dating. I dislike this aspect of him, but I'm horrible at saying no. I enjoy talking to the ENFJ but I don't see a future with him. Then again, I second guess my doubts because it may be because I'm still caught up with the ISTP. Every time I take a step forward, I glance back to see if the ISTP is holding out his hand for me. How poetic, I know.

    To toast, and any other NFs in general, when you're trying to get over someone else, do you start looking else where? Or do you take your time and enjoy the single life until you're completely over that other person?

  2. #42
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    lalangela, I too "hate" people. It's very odd. I'm warm, I'm friendly...easy going. But I frickn' hate most people, especially the one's I don't know or trust.

    I suspect it's a left over thought/feeling that was beneficial for the survival of humanity at one point or another. Lots of people think/feel that way. I've noticed it more so among ISTP's I've known in daily life. Might just be inherent to the area I live in.

    It's in the South, where all us southerners know that "Bless your dear, sweet heart." Is grandma speak for "Go f* ck yourself!"

    We even talk about having gone somewhere and our general disgust and disdain for people in general. Or more illusively, "Yeah, I know exactly what you are saying."

    Then out of the blue I find myself talking with a stranger, and quickly forget I held that sence of general disdain at all.

  3. #43
    Junior Member lalangela's Avatar
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    do you also talk to those you hook up with and tell them that you think the ENFJ would make a clingy girlfriend? Oh, and then tell the ENFJ that you hate the girl you hooked up with and plan to break all communication with her?

  4. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by lalangela View Post
    do you also talk to those you hook up with and tell them that you think the ENFJ would make a clingy girlfriend? Oh, and then tell the ENFJ that you hate the girl you hooked up with and plan to break all communication with her?
    Nope, I don't...

  5. #45
    Junior Member lalangela's Avatar
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    that's great, because ISTPs like this one make me throw my stuffed animals at the wall.

  6. #46
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    Well, we can't all be Clark Kent.

  7. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by lalangela View Post
    do you also talk to those you hook up with and tell them that you think the ENFJ would make a clingy girlfriend? Oh, and then tell the ENFJ that you hate the girl you hooked up with and plan to break all communication with her?
    I don't know about this lalangela, I think he's down right manipulative in doing those suggestive things. Not that I'm an authority in typology, but from your posts here, this guy doesn't sound similar to the ISTP guy that I had experience with..at all. He was very private/secretive about his girl stuff, never liked to draw attention to that aspect of his personal life. Maybe I mistyped him? I don't know, but this guy sounds like an attention whore (and those are the worst kind to deal with, immature AND insecure).

  8. #48
    Junior Member lalangela's Avatar
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    apparently, I'm the one who "understands him the most at this university". lolwhat.

  9. #49
    One day and the next Rainne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sLiPpY View Post
    Well, we can't all be Clark Kent.
    Pretty sure Clark Kent was a IXFJ yo.

  10. #50
    Senior Member toast's Avatar
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    lalangela, just a thought... I have a tendency to 'give' the kind of dialogue I think is 'gentlest'/'eastiest' on the person I'm interacting with (as in makes them comfortable), without even realizing I'm doing it. With ISTPs, it becomes more evident because I realize they aren't throwing out any signals so I'm just holding too much back to feel like I'm being 'myself.' (It takes work to push through this & say things even though I feel like they aren't exactly welcome). With other ENFJs, the same thing sort of occurs in reverse. I am laying it on 'too thick', and being too gentle, kind, generous. It makes me appear to be more concerned with that particular person than I might me. I imagine your ENFJ friend may be so clingy because you are being too accommodating about it.

    As for getting over guys... Only one relationship brought me right into another. I don't think its particularly good for ENFJs to 'get over' someone while trying to be with someone else. We idealize (even when we mourn loss), so its unfair to the other person and ourselves in so many ways. I usually get over losing someone by engaging with people & keeping busy, with sporadic periods of breaking down with grief throughout, until I wake up & realize I'm fine. (and talking A LOT... I mean, as much as you can get away with... until the whole idea of the grief seems spent. Feel free to talk to me, I'd enjoy it.)

    I don't even know if its possible to decide you don't really want to be with him while you're still communicating with him. I still haven't figured that out but I know how friggen magnetic ISTPs are & how they jumble all confidence in your judgments. They tempt you into being carefree like them, just sort of 'letting go' and loving them... like its that easy. For us, it takes work to do that, so it always comes back to bite you in the ass when you just dive in.

    I'm getting a little clearer, (THANK GOD), partially because of talking to three ISTPs (mine, an old friend, and slippy). I have been doing this thing where whenever I start to feel that pull of emotion in my chest (or uneasy feeling), I stop as soon as I'm aware of it, think about it & explain to myself where it is coming from. Then I just sort of sit through it without acting. Its kept me feeling really peaceful for about 3 days, even through the typical conflict that happens when my ISTP is being irritable (and he has been this week). I'm hoping I can keep this up because I feel almost, saved from myself.
    ____________________________________________
    "In my soul rages a battle without victor. Between faith without proof and reason without charm." - Sully Prudhomme

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