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  1. #11
    Junior Member lalangela's Avatar
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    I've learned that I can't be demanding with him. I think part of the reason why our conversation last night was so open is because I resisted questioning him or pointing out his contradictions and instead said "okay." He took notice of this, complemented me, and then continued venting. That felt great.

  2. #12
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    "I was so confused by my ISTPs hot/cold approach that I actually avoided contact with him for a year (with no designs toward anything) we met up at a party and had a heated argument about the difference between men and women. Over the next four months we began to do things together while he continued to date a bevy of women."

    haha! Windigo you passed the ISTP trial by fire!

  3. #13
    ..... Intricate Mystic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Windigo View Post

    Then came the fateful day when he went on a pre-arranged camping date with a group of friends who happened to invite a lady who was interested in him. I thought well, this is where I'll be able to tell if he likes me or not. If he comes home late Sunday--we're just friends, If he comes home in the afternoon there's some potential, if he comes home early Sunday morning he likes me . . . I didn't spend the weekend fretting. I went out with friends and had a grand time. He came home 9am on Sunday picking me up on his way home and proposed to me in the garage as soon as we got to his house. LOL! We were married 4 months later. His poor parents were like . . . you're going to marry who? We've never even heard of her before!
    Wow. So you were in a situation in which you didn't know if his feelings for you were: 1) just friends, 2) there's some potential, 3) he likes me, and then he came back and proposed to you?!!! Lord have mercy. ISTPs are quite a challenge, aren't they?!

  4. #14
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Yeah..and they claim to be very much forward and logical for some reason
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





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  5. #15
    Senior Member toast's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Yeah..and they claim to be very much forward and logical for some reason
    Yeah, I'm still trying to understand why subtleties fail on them when they are NOT at all direct about what they want from other people in relationships. The ISTPs I know will occasionally tell me I'm too subtle/passive about what I want from them but they will also turn around & get upset with me when they feel ignored or like I'm clueless to their wants. (Its like they just feel they want something 'sorta' & they assume you 'sorta' get it.)

    I'm closest to thinking its just that 'live in the present' narrow window of reference... as in, they want what they want when its right in front of them or has popped into their mind. But what I don't get is how can an ISTP be so good suppressing desires & then act oblivious when you point out that you had no idea they wanted something. (Like the situation where the ISTP thinks there is a partnership just because they are 'hangin out' a lot with the other person... and that person is like: 'wtf? why didn't you say something or show me something if you wanted to be w me like that?')

    I've seen this about two times, experienced it once for myself & heard about it on the forum about 3 times. With most of these, the ISTP got jealous or hurt out of nowhere because they thought the other person crossed a boundary (like sleeping with someone else) that the ISTP thought was established. And it was actual surprise at the 'obliviousness' of the other partner, like "what do you mean, 'we aren't together?'" The ISTP just sort of assumed that there was some exclusivity there without any affirmation.

    Is it an Fe thing? Like they just are going with it & being too internal with their feelings until something provokes them enough (like jealousy, anxiety) to express them? Is it more likely with young or insecure/unhealthy ISTPs where Fe is really ignored? I'm likely seeing it through some ENFJ distortion.

    Quote Originally Posted by Charles Isaac View Post
    So true. But we are usually very superficial to mere acquaintances. This is not a facade, it is omission. A defensive measure due to us really not wanting just anyone to truly know us.
    And on this, to the OP... To an ENFJ, once you've 'done' it, (you either really don't like the guy - which is rare) or you kind of 'make friends' just by the act. To us, it establishes something, even if its not too deep, you'd never let yourself believe it was superficial or meaningless. I'm pretty sure an ISTP, sex doesn't 'make' anything. You are an acquaintance until he decides you are not, and there isn't much you can do about it. Sleeping with him is not likely to get you closer to him, just make you feel crazier & crazier as you try harder & harder to "matter."
    ____________________________________________
    "In my soul rages a battle without victor. Between faith without proof and reason without charm." - Sully Prudhomme

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by sLiPpY View Post
    haha! Windigo you passed the ISTP trial by fire!
    And it's been a warm, cozy fire ever since.

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Intricate Mystic View Post
    Wow. So you were in a situation in which you didn't know if his feelings for you were: 1) just friends, 2) there's some potential, 3) he likes me, and then he came back and proposed to you?!!! Lord have mercy. ISTPs are quite a challenge, aren't they?!
    Yes, they are endearingly frustrating and getting to know them is a lifetime adventure. They are an dizzying mix of coolness/passion, non-commitment/ loyalty, silliness/reserve. . . . But I love my ISTPs strength, integrity and confident optimism. We make a great team now that I have learned not to push him he actually enjoys making the effort to please me in non verbal ways (unexpected flowers, a surprise dinner he's made when I'm busy, building a patio barbeque, ect.) I also appreciate he is the ONE man who is entirely comfortable with me being exactly who I am and not wanting to change me. He is completely unaffected by my bluntness/pushiness/independence/knowledge base and he's not afraid to tell me when I'm being a pill.

    In return we have a wonderfully warm/passionate/silly relationship and people often remark that we still act like newly weds even after 8 years.

    ISTPs are wonderful life partners, but not for the emotionally needy or faint of heart.

  8. #18
    Senior Member toast's Avatar
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    ^ wish I was an ENTJ...
    ____________________________________________
    "In my soul rages a battle without victor. Between faith without proof and reason without charm." - Sully Prudhomme

  9. #19
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    it sounds to me like he's immature, which isn't particularly type related, it's just manifested differently from type to type occasionally (not always)

    as an STP who's been involved with an ENFJ before, I can say that you guys can be CONFUSING with your hurricane of emotions... it doesn't always seem like you're being direct when you speak (not the same way of conveying things!) and it was always a toss up as to whether what I said would be accepted or considered bitchy and then overreacted to... if he says that he's just interested in your body you should beleive that he just wants a friends with benefits relationship at the moment... and it's not like he hooked up with that chick when NOT wasted! (that would be an extra bad sign!)

    unless you think you can put your feelings on hold and just have sex though, I'd suggest shopping elsewhere for a man... a more MATURE man
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  10. #20
    Senior Member countrygirl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Windigo View Post
    Yes, they are endearingly frustrating and getting to know them is a lifetime adventure. They are an dizzying mix of coolness/passion, non-commitment/ loyalty, silliness/reserve. . . . But I love my ISTPs strength, integrity and confident optimism. We make a great team now that I have learned not to push him he actually enjoys making the effort to please me in non verbal ways (unexpected flowers, a surprise dinner he's made when I'm busy, building a patio barbeque, ect.) I also appreciate he is the ONE man who is entirely comfortable with me being exactly who I am and not wanting to change me. He is completely unaffected by my bluntness/pushiness/independence/knowledge base and he's not afraid to tell me when I'm being a pill.
    In return we have a wonderfully warm/passionate/silly relationship and people often remark that we still act like newly weds even after 8 years.

    ISTPs are wonderful life partners, but not for the emotionally needy or faint of heart.
    One of the reasons why I love my ISTP husband.

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