[MBTI General] rant - being the other guy

[countrygirl]

My list:
- not clingy
- developed communication skills - especially body and intonation
- not overly concerned with image
- is interested in self-improvement

Otherwise, I lack the experience to elaborate on this in an authoritative manner.

Hey! That sounds like me! But wait...I'm married.

 

[seamaid]

Sounds like me when I was in my twenties. Maybe it's because she is not interested in getting married and consequently does not think of qualities in a man regarding marriage.

When I decided that marriage was for me, I made a list of want I wanted in a man. It was half a page.

She definitely wants marriage, but she's more the kind of person who's realistic in the sense that she'll take whatever falls in her lap, and not wait for the "real, complete deal". So if a hot (but still very young, struggling, confused-about-what-work-he-wants-to-do) guy wants to date her, she just goes for it, even if the prospect of a stable, secure life with him looks murky and uncertain (to outsiders). That is, even if what she has is less than ideal (to outsiders), she's optimistic that maybe it'll all work out fine in the end.

And I wonder if that sort of hope-for-the-best attitude is an SP thing. I kinda envy that lack of worrying, the fearlessness. I'm impulsive when it comes to relationships as well, but the moment a red flag shows up, my tendency is to drop the guy like a hot potato (hence I have a few one night stands behind me). I think of all the reasons why it can't work out, whereas the SPs I know seem to do the opposite.

As to how it relates to Bamboo's predicament, I think it's great that he's starting to identify a pattern and aware enough to want to do something about it. While in the present moment, it can seem exciting to have the attention of a taken woman, and things might seem swell, one must consider the past and future too to have a more complete perspective. As other posters have pointed out, it's good to know what YOU want - that's the future, and this knowledge is often guided by the mistakes and lessons of the past to determine your actions in the present.

Anyway, what I want to know is where are all the cute, smart, SINGLE girls in your area, Bamboo???

 

[milkyway2]

ISTP seems like "the other guy" personality

sorry

but not to make you feel bad i know some that are in relationships!

 

[Chuckums]

O.K. So you are going to stop this behavior, but I just gotta ask-What the hell were you thinking!?!? I knew you were a crazy motherfucker, but, good God man!

Everything I would say has pretty much been said, so all right, story time, just for anybody that thinks it's OK to be the "other guy" for whatever reason:

My ESFP cousin that I grew up with, basically, thought he could get away with anything, including doin' some guy's wife-But my cousin was on top of the world-untouchable-so he thought.

The husband was a somewhat successful deer hunter-so he obviously knew how to use firearms. Hell, I even remember times when I had told my cousin "An attitude won't stop a bullet" This isn't the MATRIX you know, where Neo just waves his hand and bullets stop then fall to the ground.

To make a long story short, husband confronts my cousin with a deer gun, shoots him, then shoots him again when he hits the ground-fatally-he died-get it? Although he was able to hang on and writhe in agony on the ground and then in the ambulance for 20 or so minutes.

So, for anybody that thinks this behavior is O.K., please, don't wait until it's too late and you have some crazed BF/husband coming at you in a murderous rage with a gun, axe, knife, sledgehammer, automobile etc. Don't heed my warning and it will not be surprising in the least if you all of a sudden stop posting-permanently.

 

[Bamboo]

Hey! That sounds like me! But wait...I'm married.

NOT FUNNY.

She definitely wants marriage, but she's more the kind of person who's realistic in the sense that she'll take whatever falls in her lap, and not wait for the "real, complete deal". So if a hot (but still very young, struggling, confused-about-what-work-he-wants-to-do) guy wants to date her,

*cough*

she just goes for it, even if the prospect of a stable, secure life with him looks murky and uncertain (to outsiders). That is, even if what she has is less than ideal (to outsiders), she's optimistic that maybe it'll all work out fine in the end.

And I wonder if that sort of hope-for-the-best attitude is an SP thing. I kinda envy that lack of worrying, the fearlessness. I'm impulsive when it comes to relationships as well, but the moment a red flag shows up, my tendency is to drop the guy like a hot potato (hence I have a few one night stands behind me). I think of all the reasons why it can't work out, whereas the SPs I know seem to do the opposite.

As to how it relates to Bamboo's predicament, I think it's great that he's starting to identify a pattern and aware enough to want to do something about it. While in the present moment, it can seem exciting to have the attention of a taken woman, and things might seem swell, one must consider the past and future too to have a more complete perspective. As other posters have pointed out, it's good to know what YOU want - that's the future, and this knowledge is often guided by the mistakes and lessons of the past to determine your actions in the present.

Anyway, what I want to know is where are all the cute, smart, SINGLE girls in your area, Bamboo???

Hell if I know.

PS it generally doesn't feel "swell" as much as it does "conflicted" or "manic".

O.K. So you are going to stop this behavior, but I just gotta ask-What the hell were you thinking!?!? I knew you were a crazy motherfucker, but, good God man!

Everything I would say has pretty much been said, so all right, story time, just for anybody that thinks it's OK to be the "other guy" for whatever reason:

....

To make a long story short, husband confronts my cousin with a deer gun, shoots him, then shoots him again when he hits the ground-fatally-he died-get it? Although he was able to hang on and writhe in agony on the ground and then in the ambulance for 20 or so minutes.

So, for anybody that thinks this behavior is O.K., please, don't wait until it's too late and you have some crazed BF/husband coming at you in a murderous rage with a gun, axe, knife, sledgehammer, automobile etc. Don't heed my warning and it will not be surprising in the least if you all of a sudden stop posting-permanently.

Point taken.

Remember that thread where I joked about finding a cougar?

Careful what you wish for...

 

[Chuckums]

Remember that thread where I joked about finding a cougar?

Ha Ha! You gave a great answer too-chain that mother down-you'd do good in the Marines!

For the human Cougars chicks that think they've seen it all-bring fresh razors and some really slippery shave cream-If they never had that done, you'll really blow their mind!

 

[countrygirl]

Oh goody story time!

About a year ago, my husband and I decided to hire a contractor to finish the renovation job in our kitchen.

As the contractor was mudding the drywall in the kitchen, a feeling of naughtiness and a teasing mood overcame me.

So I whipped out my frying pan and cooked bacon.

 

[ayoitsStepho]

 

[sLiPpY]

Ok, for the rest of this I'm going to answer responses in order, but I see you're in the thread now slippy so I ask: why do you believe this?

I have reason to suspect the same.

Years of observation and antidotal experience. It seems to be a pattern that continues to be repeated over time, unless there's a focused effort to overcome the behavior. I've seen a few friends learn the hard way.

Why? I don't know, and really don't care. It is what it is.

Almost like a predatory solicitation for empathy, "I'm not happy, I'm available! F* me!"

 

[sLiPpY]

Whats with SP's n' bacon?

 

[countrygirl]

"Is that b-b-b-ba-con? pant, pant, pant, pant, pant""

Later that day my husband informed me that he went out to eat (instead of going home as planned) and - you guessed it - ordered bacon and eggs. The power of bacon!

 

[Chuckums]

Later that day my husband informed me that he went out to eat (instead of going home as planned) and - you gussed it - ordered bacon and eggs. The power of bacon!

mmmmmm! With potatoes fried in a cast iron frypan, my favorite breakfast!

 

[mcmartinez84]

Don't mess with a married person. I know from experience and if you want to PM me about it I will provide you with details or any answers to questions you have. It's tempting because it feels like no strings but just wait...the drama comes in a tidal wave.

For real. I haven't been a part of this (since I'm not married, nor have I fooled around with a married person...) But I've witnessed a little at work. It's definitely a tidal wave.

 

[KDude]

I'm pretty "schizophrenic" when it comes to this. Tidal waves are the last thing on my mind.. a few times i've put myself in situations where even their spouses are near.. and i still don't care. what really stops me is nothing other than myself, telling myself to cut that shit out. always at the last moment, i get some morals i dunno if i'd even call it that. maybe there are just better things to do.

 

[mcmartinez84]

Oh, tidal waves aren't the only reason to not do it... I didn't mean that, but they're a pretty good reason.

Personally I've never cheated or been part of someone else cheating (altho a few of my friends' gfs would prolly disagree 'cause they're jealous immature bitches). Do unto others... I don't want to be cheated on, so I won't make myself part of the equation in any way shape or form.

 

[Benny]

This happens to me too. Maybe its an ISTP thing. I don't know. It has gotten me into some trouble though.

 

[JivinJeffJones]

My impression is that ISTPs are the male canvas upon which female fantasies are most readily projected. So I doubt it's a problem which will go away by itself. I think the best thing you can do is avoid compromising situations as much as possible (eg alone together), and change the subject if topics become personal. You may feel like a bit of a jerk doing it, but if she really only wanted someone to unwind to she would more than likely have found a close female friend for the purpose.

Playing dumb could also shield you from a lot of this stuff. Just pretend you are completely missing all hints and flirtation.

Ha, I feel like I may well be advising an ISTP to act even more like an ISTP, and therefore making the situation worse. Acting overtly sensitive, caring, considerate, warm and empathetic will probably drive this kind of woman away faster than anything else.

 

[KDude]

hah.. good theory. to an extent.

i wonder if other sp women fall for istp "mystery" though. they're similar enough to understand... and umm... i don't think sp's torment themselves about what's in people's souls too much. i wouldn't if it's the other way around.

 

[ayoitsStepho]

hah.. good theory. to an extent.

i wonder if other sp women fall for istp "mystery" though. they're similar enough to understand... and umm... i don't think sp's torment themselves about what's in people's souls too much. i wouldn't if it's the other way around.

Yeah, I don't know if I would personally go for an ISTP in a romantic relationship. I have several male ISTPs in my life and though we're good friends, they don't open up enough for me to ever pursue in a romantic relationship.

So I really don't want a man with "mystery". Though I know plenty of girls in my life who have been head over heels over these ISTP males, I just can't get over the whole "I like you, but maybe I don't" feel that they've given off before. It just feels like a lack of respect for the other person.

ISTPs are great playmates for myself, but anything more than that, it just won't happen (speaking about my own ISTPs of course)

 

[KDude]

If anything, even if I dated one, I don't think I'd find it hard to leave one. It'd probably be on friendly terms. OTOH, I see so many threads where some NF's are wondering how it's all gone wrong.. Not sure if I'd do that.