[MBTI General] Istp + Infp =

[Rebe]

? Is this coupling do-able?

Our temperaments seem similar, the absolute reserve-ness, the intense emotions that we have hidden away, our quiet and laid-back demeanor, our sarcasm and darkish sense of humor. I think we sort of complement each other. A huge difference is that I need to plan and go after what I want and be very certain of what I want while he likes to just 'go with the flow' and see what happens. That sort of thinking always drives me crazy. He is actually more expressively affectionate than I am. He initiated a lot of the gooey stuff. But, I held deeper feelings though I don't express them.

Not that it will stop me from trying, but I like to ... plan and be prepared. Anyone tried this?

 

[Heinel]

? Is this coupling do-able?

Our temperaments seem similar, the absolute reserve-ness, the intense emotions that we have hidden away, our quiet and laid-back demeanor, our sarcasm and darkish sense of humor. I think we sort of complement each other. A huge difference is that I need to plan and go after what I want and be very certain of what I want while he likes to just 'go with the flow' and see what happens. That sort of thinking always drives me crazy. He is actually more expressively affectionate than I am. He initiated a lot of the gooey stuff. But, I held deeper feelings though I don't express them.

Not that it will stop me from trying, but I like to ... plan and be prepared. Anyone tried this?

If you can get to the point where that "drives me crazy" bit can become "balances me out" then it should be safe sailing.

 

[Poki]

? Is this coupling do-able?

Our temperaments seem similar, the absolute reserve-ness, the intense emotions that we have hidden away, our quiet and laid-back demeanor, our sarcasm and darkish sense of humor. I think we sort of complement each other. A huge difference is that I need to plan and go after what I want and be very certain of what I want while he likes to just 'go with the flow' and see what happens. That sort of thinking always drives me crazy. He is actually more expressively affectionate than I am. He initiated a lot of the gooey stuff. But, I held deeper feelings though I don't express them.

Not that it will stop me from trying, but I like to ... plan and be prepared. Anyone tried this?

Does he respect your "planning" and allow you to do it because you want to? I personally dont mind planning to much. The only times it seems to cause issues for me is when it drains the fun and causes something that should be fun to be stressful. If you can manage fun and planning at the same time, then I dont think any ISTPs would have any issues with this. I personally dont usually have enough goals to create a need to plan. I usually rely on others to plan and just "go with their flow". One good thing is that I will not stress over a plan gone bad so you dont have to worry about me turning it back on you. Thats probably the best part about people who "go with the flow" we have no problems improvising, changing plans, detouring, etc.

I generally dont care to know all the intricate details of a plan, I already know I will end up forgetting them. I just need to know what my part is along the way. To me that is go with the flow, which is what I like, but I would never force it on others. I have had to force this on my wife though and the result has been much better vacations on both sides. I still let her plan, but now she makes sure our schedule is not so tight that she stresses out. I am a busy body and enjoy being in a hurry as long as things remain enjoyable and emotions dont ruin things.

Almost all of the INFPs I know in real life have always been to quiet for me to really get to know on a much deeper level. I have always enjoyed their company though.

 

[rhinosaur]

It's doable. Problem area will probably be that ISTPs aren't exactly known for expressing their emotions and want to be left alone most of the time, which the INFP is prone to interpreting as rejection.

 

[SillySapienne]

Was with an ISTP for almost a decade, on and off.

Anything is possible.

But, that being said...

I don't really see this pairing be anywhere near ideal.

:/

 

[luminous beam]

? Is this coupling do-able?

Our temperaments seem similar, the absolute reserve-ness, the intense emotions that we have hidden away, our quiet and laid-back demeanor, our sarcasm and darkish sense of humor. I think we sort of complement each other. A huge difference is that I need to plan and go after what I want and be very certain of what I want while he likes to just 'go with the flow' and see what happens. That sort of thinking always drives me crazy. He is actually more expressively affectionate than I am. He initiated a lot of the gooey stuff. But, I held deeper feelings though I don't express them.

Not that it will stop me from trying, but I like to ... plan and be prepared. Anyone tried this?

i can see the INFP/ISTP match working if both couples are mature, not just in age, but in temperament. So when the ISTP has managed to work with his Fe and the INFP with their Te. Otherwise, i compare the experience to that of premature ejaculation lol Neither one really gets much out of it.

 

[SillySapienne]

Otherwise, i compare the experience to that of premature ejaculation lol Neither one really gets much out of it.

LOL!!!

So incredibly funny, and TRUE!!!

 

[Grungemouse]

ISFP/INTP relationships aren't said to be a very ideal relationship, with the poor communication and complete absence of shared functions. ISTP/INFP has the same problem. If we're going purely by type and excluding every other factor, I'd say the outlook isn't great. Technically, they're type opposites, but not exactly in the complementary style that an STP/NFJ relationship would have.

 

[disregard]

? Is this coupling do-able?

Look at him as a man, not an ISTP. Go by what you know. What he does, what he says, what he's interested in, how he communicates.

MBTT is great, but when it comes to romantic relationships, most especially a budding romance, it will only get in the way. It's inductive and can be misleading.

Alright, now let me see what you've got here..

Our temperaments seem similar, the absolute reserve-ness, the intense emotions that we have hidden away, our quiet and laid-back demeanor, our sarcasm and darkish sense of humor. I think we sort of complement each other. A huge difference is that I need to plan and go after what I want and be very certain of what I want while he likes to just 'go with the flow' and see what happens. That sort of thinking always drives me crazy. He is actually more expressively affectionate than I am. He initiated a lot of the gooey stuff. But, I held deeper feelings though I don't express them.

So.

You:
-Reserved.
-Depth of feeling.
-Focused on security.

Him:
-Expressive
-Affectionate
-Spontaneous

For this to work, he will need to demonstrate that he is not at risk of jeopardising the security you value (For example, if it's financial, he couldn't up and quit his job if the two of you had a mortgage to pay.) You may possibly end up needing to be more demonstrative of your affection, if that proves to be a problem.

 

[Amargith]

I definitely see the appeal...good choice

Can't say I've tested it out though...so can't help ya, sorry

 

[runvardh]

... a temptation should the opportunity arise and enough interests are held in common.

 

[Fecal McAngry]

? Is this coupling do-able?

Our temperaments seem similar, the absolute reserve-ness, the intense emotions that we have hidden away, our quiet and laid-back demeanor, our sarcasm and darkish sense of humor. I think we sort of complement each other. A huge difference is that I need to plan and go after what I want and be very certain of what I want while he likes to just 'go with the flow' and see what happens. That sort of thinking always drives me crazy. He is actually more expressively affectionate than I am. He initiated a lot of the gooey stuff. But, I held deeper feelings though I don't express them.

Not that it will stop me from trying, but I like to ... plan and be prepared. Anyone tried this?

Some ISTPs are very good in bed. Aside from that possible attraction, this is one of the more predictably bad pairings...

 

[simulatedworld]

The planning/preparation vs. his "going with the flow" thing sounds like you're describing a conflict between a J type and a P type.

 

[Speed Gavroche]

The situation is often:

_ISTPs find INFPs sweet but boring (like ISFJs elsewhere)

_INFPs find ISTP smart and attractive but harsh and jerky

There's usually mutual tolerance and respect between the two, both find the other person very likeable and interesting, but there's rarely passion and real love.

That does'nt seem really ideal.

But it can have some exceptions:

Famous INFP/ISTP couple:

 

[Rebe]

We already gave it a go but he wasn't 'ready' the first time and that didn't go well, though there wasn't a lack of passion, so I decided to give it another chance after he apologized(s), because it is what I want and no use denying what I want. I have become quite a live big kind of person instead of obsessively introspective. I generally talk a lot about analytical stuff. That is a problem. It is very strange, he talks more than I do, and he talks about very personal experiences and feelings/thoughts. Types who usually don't do that do that with me very often; makes me uncomfortable, all the mush.

@ Beauty & the Beast

 

[Poki]

The planning/preparation vs. his "going with the flow" thing sounds like you're describing a conflict between a J type and a P type.

This is where Se and Ne see different things. Planning and preparation isnt a J thing. Following it to a fault is a J thing.

One NFP I have interacted with was a very heavy planner, but the plans were not set in stone, but were pushed for very hard. It always seemed to flex and bend with life as opposed to life flexing and bending for the plan.

To me the difference between J/P has to do with default behaviour as opposed to some detail. We can all act like someone else, but we will always eventually fall into our default behaviour. For me my P comes out with an NFP plan when they flex and bend to life, I flex and bend with them.

The biggest hurdle I can see is that INFP and ISTP are very reserved and would struggle with not becoming stagnant because of lack of interaction. This is what I notice IRL where as a more active person keeps us more on our toes and constantly interacting. A combination of Se and Ti and in the moment allows me to follow where ever Ne decides it wants to go. Detach from my logic and see things from what they present like figuring out their logic to understand where they are coming from and seeing if it makes sense or not. Not really forcing my logic on them(atleast try not to), but take on their logic and keep it seperate from my own internal judgements. At some point I may decide to take on their logic as my own and then decide to either accept it as my own or discard it as my judgement but still allow it to be their judgement and still understand it.

 

[Randomnity]

Look at him as a man, not an ISTP. Go by what you know. What he does, what he says, what he's interested in, how he communicates.

MBTT is great, but when it comes to romantic relationships, most especially a budding romance, it will only get in the way. It's inductive and can be misleading.

+1

Just think about how you feel when you're around him (good and bad days) and whether you have common interests and more importantly, outlooks on life. If he or you is constantly saying things and the other is thinking then maybe it will be difficult to work long term. I'm mentioning that specifically because I tend to do that when most of the infps in my life say stuff.

MBTI may be valuable for predicting the areas where you may have conflicts, though I wouldn't use it as a predictor of the relationship itself.

 

[McRumi]

My neighbor is an INFP. Fantastic neighbor...we get along just fine. But live with??? Nooooo!
WAY too emotive/touchy-feely/wishy-washy/clingy.

ISTPs need someone who looks good (external sensing) but also plenty smart (internal thinking). it's just tough finding someone who's both physically attractive, smart and yet very low maintenance.

ESTJs are great...as long as you keep them in check.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

ESTJs are great...as long as you keep them in check.

To the OP. Has he always been this "gooey" and emotionally expressive? Or was this after the first go around?

 

[Rebe]

From the beginning, he was the 'spill my guts' one and extremely affectionate.

My neighbor is an INFP. Fantastic neighbor...we get along just fine. But live with??? Nooooo!
WAY too emotive/touchy-feely/wishy-washy/clingy.

He did tell me once that I am clingy.

ISTPs need someone who looks good (external sensing) but also plenty smart (internal thinking). it's just tough finding someone who's both physically attractive, smart and yet very low maintenance.

Well, I am all of those things. Isn't he lucky...