[MBTI General] Istp + Infp =

[heart]

No amount of emotional stroking satiates the INFP.

Not true.

On a side note, the ISTP I know best is so clueless about his emo life and always wanting sympathy and advice. But there's no help for this dude. He thinks he knows it all (so why he wants advice, I never understand) and he is so black and white literal about everything. It just exhausts me to deal with him.

He just speaks a totally different language and sometimes when I see him on caller id, I don't pick up because I just can't face dealing with him. Then I feel really bad about it.

His favorite expression: "That's stupid!" And I wanted to ask "If I am the stupid one, why are you bothering to ask my advice?" And then he wants to debate the advice and all this and I am just like so not interested in it. You asked my advice, I listened to you and gave it, now leave me alone! Sure, you decide what to do with what I've said, take or trash it, but don't call me stupid and don't debate endlessly with me over it.

But his heart is in the right place and he's a good guy.

 

[Poki]

He (istp) is intelligent and can speak with authority and passion about several subjects. But when he does talk, it is a bit harder for me to engage vs when I spoke with an intj or sf types. He doesn't ask me 'deep' questions about myself like the intj did in a very tender sort of way. It tickles me to be psychoanalyzed, and to be challenged, but he doesn't do that as much. So yes, intellectual stimulation is different for us. I like to be unwrapped by another brain, to be understood and to bring about a new understanding of myself. Unless I can turn it into a dirty joke, it is hard for me to have a smart comeback like I would with NT/SFs.

I knew we are not the most compatible and a lot of other factors are against us, but

So do you like to feel challenged? I challenge people, but in different ways. I will challenge you to move in the direction I want or think would help you out. The key is that it is a direction that is within you that I already enjoy or understand. We will unwrap you, but we will push you to reach it and experience it instead of just understand it, both the good and the bad. We will ground you in a tender way as opposed to challenge you in a tender way.

What I enjoy about NF is the randomness, the NFP witty remarks make me think. They are more wit then witty, so they are enjoyed in a different manner as I like to think and figure things out. NFJ witty remarks dont make me think, but they make me laugh.

 

[McRumi]

Not true.

Alas and alack! Wlll the INFP ever understand the ISTP sense of humor??

On a side note, the ISTP I know best is so clueless about his emo life and always wanting sympathy and advice. But there's no help for this dude. He thinks he knows it all (so why he wants advice, I never understand) and he is so black and white literal about everything. It just exhausts me to deal with him.

He just speaks a totally different language and sometimes when I see him on caller id, I don't pick up because I just can't face dealing with him. Then I feel really bad about it.

His favorite expression: "That's stupid!" And I wanted to ask "If I am the stupid one, why are you bothering to ask my advice?" And then he wants to debate the advice and all this and I am just like so not interested in it. You asked my advice, I listened to you and gave it, now leave me alone! Sure, you decide what to do with what I've said, take or trash it, but don't call me stupid and don't debate endlessly with me over it.

But his heart is in the right place and he's a good guy.

Sounds like a young'n. ISTPs don't come into their own emotionally until middle age. Otherwise quite exasperating to Fs, esp the INFP who have that bottomless need-emotional-strokes pit.

 

[heart]

Alas and alack! Wlll the INFP ever understand the ISTP sense of humor??

No one can tell you are joking in text print unless you indicate it.

Sounds like a young'n. ISTPs don't come into their own emotionally until middle age. Otherwise quite exasperating to Fs, esp the INFP who have that bottomless need-emotional-strokes pit.

It's not a romance relationship. It's a family relationship. I don't really consider 30 to be all that young and he's the one who wants the emo support. He's self destructive and gets himself into mess after mess with his wife and wants to spend hours venting and asking "what should I do now?" then after we spend all this time talking about his issues then he wants to deeply debate my suggestions and I am like WTF, either you take my advice or don't, it is up to you, but don't solicit advice and then turn around and use to attack me...God it is so draining and frustrating.

 

[Poki]

No one can tell you are joking in text print unless you indicate it.




It's not a romance relationship. It's a family relationship. I don't really consider 30 to be all that young and he's the one who wants the emo support. He's self destructive and gets himself into mess after mess with his wife and wants to spend hours venting and asking "what should I do now?" then after we spend all this time talking about his issues then he wants to deeply debate my suggestions and I am like WTF, either you take my advice or don't, it is up to you, but don't solicit advice and then turn around and use to attack me...God it is so draining and frustrating.

Just to clear things up, whats his emotion that he needs support with?

Does he ever ask what should he have done?

Nothing wrong with debate, if he doesnt understand or knows something you dont about his wife. Is it the debate or the way he goes about it? I will get advice from women in regards to my wife and I may debate it with something about my wife that I know that to me internally goes against what I know about her.

I am guessing his attacking is calling you stupid.

Is it obvious you are drained and frustrated with him and does he indicate that he recognizes this?

 

[McRumi]

No one can tell you are joking in text print unless you indicate it.

Like I said...

It's not a romance relationship. It's a family relationship. I don't really consider 30 to be all that young and he's the one who wants the emo support. He's self destructive and gets himself into mess after mess with his wife and wants to spend hours venting and asking "what should I do now?" then after we spend all this time talking about his issues then he wants to deeply debate my suggestions and I am like WTF, either you take my advice or don't, it is up to you, but don't solicit advice and then turn around and use to attack me...God it is so draining and frustrating.

30 is young for an ISTP...in terms of dealing with F stuff.

Frankly, he sounds extremely unhealthy regardless of his type. That is not healthy ISTP behavior at all.

 

[Intricate Mystic]

Like I said... *twinkle*

Fixed.

 

[McRumi]

Also...ISTPs are problem solvers..but if they turn their problem solving energies to human relationships, then there will be trouble, because young ISTPs (anyone under 50) will make a mess of it. If he is an ISTP, he needs to get focused on problem solving concerning things not people.

 

[McRumi]

Fixed.

bingo.

 

[heart]

Just to clear things up, whats his emotion that he needs support with?

Does he ever ask what should he have done?

Yes. I suppose his emotion is frustration.

Nothing wrong with debate, if he doesnt understand or knows something you dont about his wife.

We spend hours on this stuff. Believe me, I know more details than I ever wanted to know.

Is it the debate or the way he goes about it? I will get advice from women in regards to my wife and I may debate it with something about my wife that I know that to me internally goes against what I know about her.

One of the issues is that his wife has been diagnosed with mental and physical health issues and he wants to believe she could over come it through self discipline alone and his idea to help her is to nag her. His nagging sends her into periods of self loathing and she gets worse in her mental state. And the nagging never makes her overcome. And he says: "What can I do to get her to listen to me?"

I say well, if you know this, then why nag her. His reaction is that he overcomes the days when he feels tired or has low motivation by pushing on and why can't she? Why because she's lazy! I say well you really can't compare her to yourself because she's sick and you're not. And he gets super frustrated and tells me I am not listening that he can overcome his off days and he knows she can too.

He will debate the whole thing, even if shown medical articles or psychology articles. He wants to believe what he wants to believe. Which I have no problem with but just don't keep calling me and bugging me for advice on what to do!

Then there's there's other problems that he has because of his "outside activites" and her resentment of those activities.

Then the fact that his Mama can't let him go, even after a decade of marriage no less, and has jealous hate of his wife and his difficulty in understanding why his wife can't just turn the other cheek when she's treated hatefully by his family. He asks how to handle her, I say take care of your thing with your mother, stand up for your wife. It is like, she already has mental issues, this strife doesn't help her. His answer: "Well, when people upset me, I just turn the other cheek, why can't my wife?"

I am like "You have all the answers already, why do you keep asking for advice?"

I am guessing his attacking is calling you stupid.

Yes, that's part of it.

Is it obvious you are drained and frustrated with him and does he indicate that he recognizes this?

He asks why I don't pick up the phone and I've explained this to him and guess what? That's stupid.

 

[SillySapienne]

Not true.

On a side note, the ISTP I know best is so clueless about his emo life and always wanting sympathy and advice. But there's no help for this dude. He thinks he knows it all (so why he wants advice, I never understand) and he is so black and white literal about everything. It just exhausts me to deal with him.

He just speaks a totally different language and sometimes when I see him on caller id, I don't pick up because I just can't face dealing with him. Then I feel really bad about it.

His favorite expression: "That's stupid!" And I wanted to ask "If I am the stupid one, why are you bothering to ask my advice?" And then he wants to debate the advice and all this and I am just like so not interested in it. You asked my advice, I listened to you and gave it, now leave me alone! Sure, you decide what to do with what I've said, take or trash it, but don't call me stupid and don't debate endlessly with me over it.

But his heart is in the right place and he's a good guy.

Hahahahaa, you're friends with my ISTP ex, who knew?!?!?!

 

[McRumi]

Clarification.

Calling a person's idea stupid is not calling that person stupid.

It's a T/F thing.

 

[heart]

Clarification.

Calling a person's idea stupid is not calling that person stupid.

It's a T/F thing.

I don't care which he means, whether it is my idea or me that he thinks is stupid. I give him my time and attention and he drains me and then insults me (be it my ideas or my person).

It is like I had better things to do with my time than go over his life story for the 100th time. What good does it all do? He won't take advice, he can't see the forest for the trees himself, he keeps knocking his head against the wall. It's painful and frustrating.

 

[Poki]

Yes. I suppose his emotion is frustration.



We spend hours on this stuff. Believe me, I know more details than I ever wanted to know.



One of the issues is that his wife has been diagnosed with mental and physical health issues and he wants to believe she could over come it through self discipline alone and his idea to help her is to nag her. His nagging sends her into periods of self loathing and she gets worse in her mental state. And the nagging never makes her overcome. And he says: "What can I do to get her to listen to me?"

I say well, if you know this, then why nag her. His reaction is that he overcomes the days when he feels tired or has low motivation by pushing on and why can't she? Why because she's lazy! I say well you really can't compare her to yourself because she's sick and you're not. And he gets super frustrated and tells me I am not listening that he can overcome his off days and he knows she can too.

He will debate the whole thing, even if shown medical articles or psychology articles. He wants to believe what he wants to believe. Which I have no problem with but just don't keep calling me and bugging me for advice on what to do!

Then there's there's other problems that he has because of his "outside activites" and her resentment of those activities.

Then the fact that his Mama can't let him go, even after a decade of marriage no less, and has jealous hate of his wife and his difficulty in understanding why his wife can't just turn the other cheek when she's treated hatefully by his family. He asks how to handle her, I say take care of your thing with your mother, stand up for your wife. It is like, she already has mental issues, this strife doesn't help her. His answer: "Well, when people upset me, I just turn the other cheek, why can't my wife?"

I am like "You have all the answers already, why do you keep asking for advice?"



Yes, that's part of it.



He asks why I don't pick up the phone and I've explained this to him and guess what? That's stupid.

And that wont end until 50?

Next time he asks why you dont answer, say "I took your advice and decided to turn the other cheek to your problems, your a big boy learn to deal with it by changing" Can Fi do this? He will not say thats stupid

It actually reminds me of my 5 year old son and the conversation I had the other day in how there are 2 sides to everything. He kept getting mad because the other kids kept getting him in trouble because they laughed when he acted goofy.

edit: of course he will probably respond "your stupid"

 

[Poki]

I don't care which he means, whether it is my idea or me that he thinks is stupid. I give him my time and attention and he drains me and then insults me (be it my ideas or my person).

It is like I had better things to do with my time than go over his life story for the 100th time. What good does it all do? He won't take advice, he can't see the forest for the trees himself, he keeps knocking his head against the wall. It's painful and frustrating.

This is why I am glad I can turn off the fact that I care

 

[heart]

This is why I am glad I can turn off the fact that I care

I am capable of using caller id.

 

[Poki]

I am capable of using caller id.

I am working to help my son understand how to handle these instances.

Sounds like tertiary temptation

"I can't possibly go along with this, because it would mar my soul. It's not 'me'. I am a good person, and in order to maintain my integrity, I need to steer clear of this. This is the responsibility of those other people: it emerges from their souls, not mine, so it's their problem."

 

[heart]

^ That's tertirary Fi, isn't it?

 

[McRumi]

I don't care which he means, whether it is my idea or me that he thinks is stupid. I give him my time and attention and he drains me and then insults me (be it my ideas or my person).

It is like I had better things to do with my time than go over his life story for the 100th time. What good does it all do? He won't take advice, he can't see the forest for the trees himself, he keeps knocking his head against the wall. It's painful and frustrating.

Then why do it? Sounds like co-dependent relationship.

 

[Poki]

^ That's tertirary Fi, isn't it?

That sounded the best fit description, but this also seems to fit which is tertiary Ni, but the other seemed to be a better fit. I can actually see time in myself that I fit a lot of different types of tertiary functions.

"I can't possibly go along with this, 'cuz it's all a lie. It's all a set-up by the Man. I'd just be serving his interests and not my own. I'm not gonna be suckered by all this self-serving bull. No way, man, I gotta go my own way."