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Thread: Istp + Infp =

  1. #41
    heart on fire
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    Quote Originally Posted by McRumi View Post
    No amount of emotional stroking satiates the INFP.
    Not true.

    On a side note, the ISTP I know best is so clueless about his emo life and always wanting sympathy and advice. But there's no help for this dude. He thinks he knows it all (so why he wants advice, I never understand) and he is so black and white literal about everything. It just exhausts me to deal with him.

    He just speaks a totally different language and sometimes when I see him on caller id, I don't pick up because I just can't face dealing with him. Then I feel really bad about it.

    His favorite expression: "That's stupid!" And I wanted to ask "If I am the stupid one, why are you bothering to ask my advice?" And then he wants to debate the advice and all this and I am just like so not interested in it. You asked my advice, I listened to you and gave it, now leave me alone! Sure, you decide what to do with what I've said, take or trash it, but don't call me stupid and don't debate endlessly with me over it.

    But his heart is in the right place and he's a good guy.

  2. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebe View Post
    He (istp) is intelligent and can speak with authority and passion about several subjects. But when he does talk, it is a bit harder for me to engage vs when I spoke with an intj or sf types. He doesn't ask me 'deep' questions about myself like the intj did in a very tender sort of way. It tickles me to be psychoanalyzed, and to be challenged, but he doesn't do that as much. So yes, intellectual stimulation is different for us. I like to be unwrapped by another brain, to be understood and to bring about a new understanding of myself. Unless I can turn it into a dirty joke, it is hard for me to have a smart comeback like I would with NT/SFs.

    I knew we are not the most compatible and a lot of other factors are against us, but
    So do you like to feel challenged? I challenge people, but in different ways. I will challenge you to move in the direction I want or think would help you out. The key is that it is a direction that is within you that I already enjoy or understand. We will unwrap you, but we will push you to reach it and experience it instead of just understand it, both the good and the bad. We will ground you in a tender way as opposed to challenge you in a tender way.

    What I enjoy about NF is the randomness, the NFP witty remarks make me think. They are more wit then witty, so they are enjoyed in a different manner as I like to think and figure things out. NFJ witty remarks dont make me think, but they make me laugh.
    Im out, its been fun

  3. #43
    Senior Member McRumi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    Not true.
    Alas and alack! Wlll the INFP ever understand the ISTP sense of humor??


    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    On a side note, the ISTP I know best is so clueless about his emo life and always wanting sympathy and advice. But there's no help for this dude. He thinks he knows it all (so why he wants advice, I never understand) and he is so black and white literal about everything. It just exhausts me to deal with him.

    He just speaks a totally different language and sometimes when I see him on caller id, I don't pick up because I just can't face dealing with him. Then I feel really bad about it.

    His favorite expression: "That's stupid!" And I wanted to ask "If I am the stupid one, why are you bothering to ask my advice?" And then he wants to debate the advice and all this and I am just like so not interested in it. You asked my advice, I listened to you and gave it, now leave me alone! Sure, you decide what to do with what I've said, take or trash it, but don't call me stupid and don't debate endlessly with me over it.

    But his heart is in the right place and he's a good guy.

    Sounds like a young'n. ISTPs don't come into their own emotionally until middle age. Otherwise quite exasperating to Fs, esp the INFP who have that bottomless need-emotional-strokes pit.

  4. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by McRumi View Post
    Alas and alack! Wlll the INFP ever understand the ISTP sense of humor??
    No one can tell you are joking in text print unless you indicate it.


    Sounds like a young'n. ISTPs don't come into their own emotionally until middle age. Otherwise quite exasperating to Fs, esp the INFP who have that bottomless need-emotional-strokes pit.
    It's not a romance relationship. It's a family relationship. I don't really consider 30 to be all that young and he's the one who wants the emo support. He's self destructive and gets himself into mess after mess with his wife and wants to spend hours venting and asking "what should I do now?" then after we spend all this time talking about his issues then he wants to deeply debate my suggestions and I am like WTF, either you take my advice or don't, it is up to you, but don't solicit advice and then turn around and use to attack me...God it is so draining and frustrating.

  5. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    No one can tell you are joking in text print unless you indicate it.




    It's not a romance relationship. It's a family relationship. I don't really consider 30 to be all that young and he's the one who wants the emo support. He's self destructive and gets himself into mess after mess with his wife and wants to spend hours venting and asking "what should I do now?" then after we spend all this time talking about his issues then he wants to deeply debate my suggestions and I am like WTF, either you take my advice or don't, it is up to you, but don't solicit advice and then turn around and use to attack me...God it is so draining and frustrating.
    Just to clear things up, whats his emotion that he needs support with?

    Does he ever ask what should he have done?

    Nothing wrong with debate, if he doesnt understand or knows something you dont about his wife. Is it the debate or the way he goes about it? I will get advice from women in regards to my wife and I may debate it with something about my wife that I know that to me internally goes against what I know about her.

    I am guessing his attacking is calling you stupid.

    Is it obvious you are drained and frustrated with him and does he indicate that he recognizes this?
    Im out, its been fun

  6. #46
    Senior Member McRumi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    No one can tell you are joking in text print unless you indicate it.
    Like I said...


    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    It's not a romance relationship. It's a family relationship. I don't really consider 30 to be all that young and he's the one who wants the emo support. He's self destructive and gets himself into mess after mess with his wife and wants to spend hours venting and asking "what should I do now?" then after we spend all this time talking about his issues then he wants to deeply debate my suggestions and I am like WTF, either you take my advice or don't, it is up to you, but don't solicit advice and then turn around and use to attack me...God it is so draining and frustrating.
    30 is young for an ISTP...in terms of dealing with F stuff.

    Frankly, he sounds extremely unhealthy regardless of his type. That is not healthy ISTP behavior at all.

  7. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by McRumi View Post
    Like I said... *twinkle*
    Fixed.

  8. #48
    Senior Member McRumi's Avatar
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    Also...ISTPs are problem solvers..but if they turn their problem solving energies to human relationships, then there will be trouble, because young ISTPs (anyone under 50) will make a mess of it. If he is an ISTP, he needs to get focused on problem solving concerning things not people.

  9. #49
    Senior Member McRumi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Intricate Mystic View Post
    Fixed.
    bingo.

  10. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by poki View Post
    Just to clear things up, whats his emotion that he needs support with?

    Does he ever ask what should he have done?
    Yes. I suppose his emotion is frustration.

    Nothing wrong with debate, if he doesnt understand or knows something you dont about his wife.
    We spend hours on this stuff. Believe me, I know more details than I ever wanted to know.

    Is it the debate or the way he goes about it? I will get advice from women in regards to my wife and I may debate it with something about my wife that I know that to me internally goes against what I know about her.
    One of the issues is that his wife has been diagnosed with mental and physical health issues and he wants to believe she could over come it through self discipline alone and his idea to help her is to nag her. His nagging sends her into periods of self loathing and she gets worse in her mental state. And the nagging never makes her overcome. And he says: "What can I do to get her to listen to me?"

    I say well, if you know this, then why nag her. His reaction is that he overcomes the days when he feels tired or has low motivation by pushing on and why can't she? Why because she's lazy! I say well you really can't compare her to yourself because she's sick and you're not. And he gets super frustrated and tells me I am not listening that he can overcome his off days and he knows she can too.

    He will debate the whole thing, even if shown medical articles or psychology articles. He wants to believe what he wants to believe. Which I have no problem with but just don't keep calling me and bugging me for advice on what to do!

    Then there's there's other problems that he has because of his "outside activites" and her resentment of those activities.

    Then the fact that his Mama can't let him go, even after a decade of marriage no less, and has jealous hate of his wife and his difficulty in understanding why his wife can't just turn the other cheek when she's treated hatefully by his family. He asks how to handle her, I say take care of your thing with your mother, stand up for your wife. It is like, she already has mental issues, this strife doesn't help her. His answer: "Well, when people upset me, I just turn the other cheek, why can't my wife?"

    I am like "You have all the answers already, why do you keep asking for advice?"

    I am guessing his attacking is calling you stupid.
    Yes, that's part of it.

    Is it obvious you are drained and frustrated with him and does he indicate that he recognizes this?
    He asks why I don't pick up the phone and I've explained this to him and guess what? That's stupid.

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