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  1. #41
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    EDIT: It's like you know what the dynamic is and unless something changes you're okay with really anything. I hate explaining this stuff!
    Right. Which is kind of opportunistic, go with the flow type thinking. That's all I'm saying is going on here. This guy isn't looking for anything serious.

    Like you said:
    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    I rarely meet someone who is independent and unemotional enough to deal with the arrangement. That's not to say sometimes I don't have stronger feelings for said person but it ebbs and flows. One day I'll really be into them and the next day think that I was really smart to keep things the way they are because I could never be with said person. It's par the course. Most of the time I just don't care one way or the other what happens with said person.
    Safest bet for OP is to reckon on this dynamic, rather than allowing herself to imagine anything else is going on.
    That's not to say it's an impossibility, it's just improbable. I mean, damn, he straight out said "he doesn't want a relationship right now". I'm not exactly reading tarot cards here.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  2. #42
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan Le Fay View Post
    Right. Which is kind of opportunistic, go with the flow type thinking. That's all I'm saying is going on here. This guy isn't looking for anything serious.

    Like you said:


    Safest bet for OP is to reckon on this dynamic, rather than allowing herself to imagine anything else is going on.
    That's not to say it's an impossibility, it's just improbable. I mean, damn, he straight out said "he doesn't want a relationship right now". I'm not exactly reading tarot cards here.
    ISTP's never look for anything serious. That's why we are single for long periods of time. Yes. He stated he didn't want a relationship and I agreed with that. My point was letting her know that just because he doesn't want one doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings for her.

    A lot of these threads paint ISTP's as cold and unfeeling. We do feel and have emotions. I would say intense ones. The difference is we just don't feel the need to show, talk about or act on them very much.
    ~luck favors the ready~


    Shameless Self-Promotion:MDP2525's Den and the Start of Motorcycle Maintenance

  3. #43
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    ISTP's never look for anything serious. That's why we are single for long periods of time. Yes. He stated he didn't want a relationship and I agreed with that. My point was letting her know that just because he doesn't want one doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings for her.

    A lot of these threads paint ISTP's as cold and unfeeling. We do feel and have emotions. I would say intense ones. The difference is we just don't feel the need to show, talk about or act on them very much.
    I think you're missing the point. She isn't looking for a primer on ISTP warm fuzzy potential. She's looking for reassurance that she isn't wasting her time wanting more from this guy than he is willing to give.
    I don't think it's responsible to offer her such reassurance. Especially since she is asking for help reading signs which are flashing in bright pink neon.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  4. #44
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan Le Fay View Post
    I think you're missing the point. She isn't looking for a primer on ISTP warm fuzzy potential. She's looking for reassurance that she isn't wasting her time wanting more from this guy than he is willing to give.
    I don't think it's responsible to offer her such reassurance. Especially since she is asking for help reading signs which are flashing in bright pink neon.
    I'll let her take what she can from what information I gave.
    ~luck favors the ready~


    Shameless Self-Promotion:MDP2525's Den and the Start of Motorcycle Maintenance

  5. #45
    Senior Member McRumi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    ISTP's never look for anything serious. That's why we are single for long periods of time. Yes. He stated he didn't want a relationship and I agreed with that. My point was letting her know that just because he doesn't want one doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings for her.

    A lot of these threads paint ISTP's as cold and unfeeling. We do feel and have emotions. I would say intense ones. The difference is we just don't feel the need to show, talk about or act on them very much.
    Huh?
    Don't look for anything serious? Maybe when they're 13.

    ISTPs have difficulty acknowledging their emotions because F is their blind spot and they do not trust it. ISTPs put a very high value on impartiality and are aware that internal values (F) can upset that impartiality.

    Few human relationships can survive without some sharing of emotion and one's internal self...ISTPs have difficulty not only recognizing their emotions but expressing them when they are recognized.

    That is why some ISTPs are quite content going solo. And why many, esp Fs, find them ultimately unsatisfying in committed relationships.

    However, many ISTPs move to the F side as they grow older and mature (as is natural). That is when they usually come into their own in terms of relationships. Usually in middle age.

    Sadly, our culture has bought into the Hollywood myth that happiness can only be found in twosomes. Our culture has demonized being single.

    ISTPS are often wonderful examples of the beauty and richness of a life lived without an "other."

  6. #46
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    ^I guess I'm back to appreciating that, but it's not like I want to be single. I'm coming off a disappointing situation as we speak. And when I say "disappointing", I mean I cared and tried. Sometimes I DO want the dynamic of a relationship to change, and will subtly push for it. I might not be someone who confesses things blatantly, but I do look for other ways to see if someone is really worth getting involved with.. and if I find that they're not, I'm a little bummed out about that.

  7. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan Le Fay View Post
    My perception is that they are good at not blurring the lines. A fuck-buddy is a fuck-buddy. Nothing more, nothing less. This is a good thing or a bad thing depending on your expectations.
    I'll be vague, but seems like the same wave.

    There's a paticular non-blood relative, and I hate their f* guts. I treat them well out of respect for whatever, but I still hate their f* guts.

    Sometimes sex is just sex. But something odd, at least about myself and an ISTP friend. We both hate titty bars. Bachelor party instructions were to keep the fraternity invites from having an opportunity to subvert the no strippers plan.

    I've had golf trips where the other married guys, wanted to spend the whole evening at the freakn' titty bar. For them maybe that was more considerate, and I was single at the time. But I hate those freakn' places, and much prefer to go dancing somewhere...the next year after being tricked into getting into a car and taken to one. I decided to not go the following year.

    damn, off my crazy rant.

  8. #48
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    I hate strip clubs too.. I don't think it's a "moral" thing. I just... hate being treated like an idiot.

    This does not bar me from dating strippers though. ;D I just have to meet them on accident.

  9. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    ISTP's never look for anything serious. That's why we are single for long periods of time. Yes. He stated he didn't want a relationship and I agreed with that. My point was letting her know that just because he doesn't want one doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings for her.

    A lot of these threads paint ISTP's as cold and unfeeling. We do feel and have emotions. I would say intense ones. The difference is we just don't feel the need to show, talk about or act on them very much.
    That's a good point. But in some ways, we are a bit unintentionally reptillian...which is something I didn't recognize or get a comfort zone with until mid-older.

    Years after my fiance died, there was a lady I met at work...just an awesomely good and genuine person. We'd go on trips, go out to eat. Catch a movie. Cook. Entertain couples and groups of people from time to time.

    Never had sex with her, or moved forward when the vibe indicated I could. Knowing that the chemistry just wasn't anything beyond that for me, and ultimately I suspect for her. Although on a non-communicative basis, I think we both questioned it?

    That went on for about eight years, and I dated and I FWB...but never brought those up when hanging out and never dissed her in-between. Never once hid the fact that friendship existed in telling my girlfriend of the moment, that I couldn't go out because my old friend and I had plans.

    Wasn't ever sure of exactly why I couldn't say to my old friend, I'm dating so and so and...we did this or that or whatever. Wasn't that I thought she couldn't handle it, and/or would reject being friends. Hell I don't know why...

    In some aspects, I'm just f* crazy...it is what it is. *laughs at self*

  10. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by KDude View Post
    I hate strip clubs too.. I don't think it's a "moral" thing. I just... hate being treated like an idiot.

    This does not bar me from dating strippers though. ;D I just have to meet them on accident.
    oh, dude...

    I ended up dating a stripper for a short while. I met her in a bookstore of all places.

    Really smart, intelligent, bright beautiful chick...but we kind of hit a decorum taboo...when she uh, made a move by literally getting under the table in a family style seafood resturant. When I asked her about life initially she said that she was in "customer service." lol

    referring to your comment on strip clubs.

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