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  1. #231
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    Everybody's different, and ISTP's possibly move on when something's over...

    A whole heck of a lot easier and more readily vs. other types? Closure is often as easy and simple as closing the door. Which doesn't mean there aren't thoughts, just no real need for communication and/or action.

    Other than to get on with what "is" vs. what "was." At least that's how I've been...

    I'd encourage you to take the steps you feel you need to take to find your own closure. You may or may not get an apology, but should approach the subject if it's something you need...just to see how it goes?

    If the conversation didn't go well... Something that might help make it easier to get over, is to let go of the attachment for an apology. Letting go of the expectation will minimize the potential for "sting." And will feel really good, if you get one without asking. Just by telling the other person how the situation felt, without attaching a value judgement. Often easier said than done. *laughs at self*

  2. #232
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Okay, I'm going to agree with sLiPpY here. Say your piece. Get it out of your system. Leave it at that.

    You can't control the actions of anyone but yourself and giving someone that kind of control over your peace of mind isn't probably going to be helpful, especially when he's shown so little regard for it in the past.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  3. #233
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    Okay, I'm going to agree with sLiPpY here. Say your piece. Get it out of your system. Leave it at that.

    You can't control the actions of anyone but yourself and giving someone that kind of control over your peace of mind isn't probably going to be helpful, especially when he's shown so little regard for it in the past.
    cafe,

    Yes! What you have written communicates more fully the concept.

  4. #234
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Goddammit, those ISTP's!!!! So appealing, yet so non-committal.

  5. #235
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    So if I were to invite him over for a dinner, would that be a good idea? (assuming he agrees to. if not, guess that just means the end of it :-(

  6. #236
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    Quote Originally Posted by lasdf23 View Post
    So if I were to invite him over for a dinner, would that be a good idea? (assuming he agrees to. if not, guess that just means the end of it :-(
    Someone else might offer more concrete advice. I'd simply like to share a technique I discovered later in life...to help me find my own answers.

    The instructions are simple. Either sit cross legged on the floor, or upright in a chair. Palms face down on your lap. You can pick a spot about four feet out in front of you and simply gaze, light on or off. Or close your eyes if that seems more comfortable.

    Breathe in and out through your nose, but let your mouth hang open "relaxed." You can rest the tip of your tongue on the roof of your mouth.

    When you're finally comfortable, on the in-breathe what you want to do is breathe whatever and however you are feeling about the situation into your heart. I mean really let yourself FEEL it, even if you're afraid of how it might feel..just go ahead and breathe that feeling deeply into...your heart.

    As you breathe out...think of all the other people who have been through this experience that you are and/have gone through. Breathe out a sense of relief, breathe out a feeling of empathy and compassion for all of those other human beings. Who have, and are going through this experience you're breathing into your heart.

    Do not suppress your thoughts as they arise. Simply observe them. Label the chatter that inevitably arises as "thinking." Just mentally say to yourself periodically "thinking."

    Sit with that feeling and the thoughts that arise for as long as it takes. Even if it takes all night. Just sit with it...experience it. You'll know when you've found the answer and/or peace that you are looking for inside, as only you can find it.

    I don't know what you will find, but I'm about 100 percent positive you'll be pleasantly surprised. You may not be able to sit with it for five minutes, you might be able to go for six hours. Doesn't really matter just be where you're at. It's a beautiful experience...when we're open to it.

  7. #237
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    Quote Originally Posted by sLiPpY View Post
    Someone else might offer more concrete advice. I'd simply like to share a technique I discovered later in life...to help me find my own answers.

    The instructions are simple. Either sit cross legged on the floor, or upright in a chair. Palms face down on your lap. You can pick a spot about four feet out in front of you and simply gaze, light on or off. Or close your eyes if that seems more comfortable.

    Breathe in and out through your nose, but let your mouth hang open "relaxed." You can rest the tip of your tongue on the roof of your mouth.

    When you're finally comfortable, on the in-breathe what you want to do is breathe whatever and however you are feeling about the situation into your heart. I mean really let yourself FEEL it, even if you're afraid of how it might feel..just go ahead and breathe that feeling deeply into...your heart.

    As you breathe out...think of all the other people who have been through this experience that you are and/have gone through. Breathe out a sense of relief, breathe out a feeling of empathy and compassion for all of those other human beings. Who have, and are going through this experience you're breathing into your heart.

    Do not suppress your thoughts as they arise. Simply observe them. Label the chatter that inevitably arises as "thinking." Just mentally say to yourself periodically "thinking."

    Sit with that feeling and the thoughts that arise for as long as it takes. Even if it takes all night. Just sit with it...experience it. You'll know when you've found the answer and/or peace that you are looking for inside, as only you can find it.

    I don't know what you will find, but I'm about 100 percent positive you'll be pleasantly surprised. You may not be able to sit with it for five minutes, you might be able to go for six hours. Doesn't really matter just be where you're at. It's a beautiful experience...when we're open to it.
    sLiPpY

  8. #238
    One day and the next Rainne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lasdf23 View Post
    So if I were to invite him over for a dinner, would that be a good idea? (assuming he agrees to. if not, guess that just means the end of it :-(
    No. Bad idea. That's too formal. He'd feel obligated and resistant.

    Instead, ask him if he wants to go out for dinner at an unspecified time. Preferably somewhere very casual.

  9. #239
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    Quote Originally Posted by lasdf23 View Post
    So if I were to invite him over for a dinner, would that be a good idea? (assuming he agrees to. if not, guess that just means the end of it :-(
    Quote Originally Posted by Rainne View Post
    No. Bad idea. That's too formal. He'd feel obligated and resistant.

    Instead, ask him if he wants to go out for dinner at an unspecified time. Preferably somewhere very casual.
    I dated an ISTP for a few years. If an ISTP is interested, he IS going to ask you out. In my experience, they'll also just "show up" where you are without asking. I don't recall there ever being much advance notice, if any. When he called to ask me out, it was the day he wanted to take me out and often times he was already enroute to pick me up... He seemed to take it personally, if I ever told him I had other plans. That could be my imagination though, but I will say it did seem like he would go through an extended period of silence where I wouldn't hear from him for days, if I happened to be busy when he called.

    EDIT: Based on my experience, I would not recommend you asking him out.

  10. #240
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    Quote Originally Posted by perfectgirl View Post
    I dated an ISTP for a few years. If an ISTP is interested, he IS going to ask you out. In my experience, they'll also just "show up" where you are without asking. I don't recall there ever being much advance notice, if any. When he called to ask me out, it was the day he wanted to take me out and often times he was already enroute to pick me up... He seemed to take it personally, if I ever told him I had other plans. That could be my imagination though, but I will say it did seem like he would go through an extended period of silence where I wouldn't hear from him for days, if I happened to be busy when he called.

    EDIT: Based on my experience, I would not recommend you asking him out.
    Suddenly, I'm feeling predictably...unpredictable. It's feeling chilly in here! oh, my gosh...where's my ISTP clothes!?!

    TRANSLATION: perfectgirl got the MO down.

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