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  1. #211
    Controlled Mischief StephMC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mcmartinez84 View Post
    Yeah, pretty much +1.


    Sidekicks are perfect! I know the feeling, that's for sure. I like to do stuff with other people. Friends are good for this 'cause you know you'll probably still like them by the time the next adventure comes around. Significant others.....oy vey. Shit happens and you'll end up a little miserable or not doing anything at all at some point. It gets complicated.
    +1 for this and almost every one of the past 10 posts. Lol.

    Relationships are overrated. And yes, I do just want a sexy companion/sidekick who I can go on adventures with all over the world and have great sex with. If he's a culinary genius, that's a plus too.
    I have an inner monologue that sounds strikingly similar to something off Animal Planet.

  2. #212
    Senior Member mcmartinez84's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by StephMC View Post
    If he's a culinary genius, that's a plus too.
    Definitely a plus!!!
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  3. #213
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    Well, damn. My ISTP & I have had arguments about this (god, isn't that stupid), where he just keeps telling me I'm wrong when I say he wants a play mate and I want a soul mate. I've even used the word "companion" before and he gets so offended like I'm calling him shallow. Why on Earth would he deny it? It usually comes up when I am talking about how we 'want what we want' and can't really change that. I guess he feels I'm being judgmental so he wants me to be wrong regardless of what I'm saying? I truly have always felt that he wants a sort of sidekick. Someone totally into him but independent enough that he was always third on their list of priorities (after his passions & his identity). Like he just wants someone to do what they want, like he does, but really close to him. I want someone to be "with me." I want our lives to be two things but coming together in places so they are revolving around the both of us together. That is not his way of looking at it. I hate that idea I get of him, like this James Bond vibe where the 'love of his life' has to have so much of her 'own thing' that she could just up and leave him at any time, because he's that way, and things have to be 'fair.' Believe it or not, to me, it seems unrealistic, because I feel like 'one foot out' or 'all in' are both a choice. He seems to claim 'all in', but that's not, in reality, the choice he's making day by day. If I'm looking at this all wrong, chime in.
    My ISTP and I had the same argument. And I look at it the same way as you.

  4. #214
    One day and the next Rainne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebe View Post
    My ISTP and I had the same argument. And I look at it the same way as you.
    lol a 'soul mate' o_O

  5. #215
    Senior Member seamaid's Avatar
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    I truly have always felt that he wants a sort of sidekick. Someone totally into him but independent enough that he was always third on their list of priorities (after his passions & his identity). Like he just wants someone to do what they want, like he does, but really close to him. I want someone to be "with me." I want our lives to be two things but coming together in places so they are revolving around the both of us together. That is not his way of looking at it. I hate that idea I get of him, like this James Bond vibe where the 'love of his life' has to have so much of her 'own thing' that she could just up and leave him at any time, because he's that way, and things have to be 'fair.' Believe it or not, to me, it seems unrealistic, because I feel like 'one foot out' or 'all in' are both a choice. He seems to claim 'all in', but that's not, in reality, the choice he's making day by day. If I'm looking at this all wrong, chime in.
    Totally understand where you're coming from. I too am perplexed by this 2 very independent, self-centered people having the perfect (for ISTP) relationship. How is that possible? Wouldn't you eventually drift apart?

    But I think you're right... ISTPs get off on their SO's "up and leave anytime" independence. They like the tension, I think. They just prefer for things to be exciting in that way. Maybe they like *having* to win you over again and again... the challenge of it. To perform using their charm and confidence is fulfilling to them. It's how they see their worth.

    ETA: On a related note, my ISTP has been recommending that I read Ayn Rand's The Virtue of Selfishness. Could be enlightening.

  6. #216
    Senior Member mcmartinez84's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by toast View Post
    I truly have always felt that he wants a sort of sidekick. Someone totally into him but independent enough that he was always third on their list of priorities (after his passions & his identity). Like he just wants someone to do what they want, like he does, but really close to him. I want someone to be "with me." I want our lives to be two things but coming together in places so they are revolving around the both of us together. That is not his way of looking at it. I hate that idea I get of him, like this James Bond vibe where the 'love of his life' has to have so much of her 'own thing' that she could just up and leave him at any time, because he's that way, and things have to be 'fair.' Believe it or not, to me, it seems unrealistic, because I feel like 'one foot out' or 'all in' are both a choice. He seems to claim 'all in', but that's not, in reality, the choice he's making day by day. If I'm looking at this all wrong, chime in.

    He's big on exclusivity though. He can be so jealous, but that's likely insecurity.
    1st - I don't want to take care of anyone. I have a hard enough time taking care of myself, tyvm.

    2nd - my ESTP friend was like this with me. His gf (now fiancee) hasn't ever liked me a whole lot...

    3rd - it totally IS unrealistic, but we want what we want, right? I've mostly come to terms with the fact that I'll probably never find exactly what I'm looking for (this "companion" or "sidekick" ideal). I'm sure pairings like this exist somewhere, and maybe somewhere on this planet there's someone who'd pair up with me like that...but the odds of finding someone that this would work with are so slim that I've kiiiiinda moved past it. I still want it, but I have little hope of finding it.
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  7. #217
    Just a statistic rhinosaur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by seamaid View Post
    But I think you're right... ISTPs get off on their SO's "up and leave anytime" independence. They like the tension, I think. They just prefer for things to be exciting in that way. Maybe they like *having* to win you over again and again... the challenge of it. To perform using their charm and confidence is fulfilling to them. It's how they see their worth.
    I don't know about what you're talking about. I just like things low maintenance.

  8. #218
    Senior Member Bamboo's Avatar
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    ^FWIW, it made sense to me. I don't agree with it entirely. I do like the idea that they can get up and go and pursue their own desires because then I'm not holding them down and I don't want to do that to people. I also like the concept that they want to be with me because they actually like me, not because their circumstances force them to be.

    That said, I'm unlikely to fall really hard for a strongly independent woman who is also very fickle or highly unpredictable - I'd like a partner who I can rely on to some extent, or at least get some idea that there is going to be a "return" on my investment of emotions, time, and energy (that won't just vanish without a trace).

    Most other similarly self-centered and honest individuals fit the bill, because they play by the same rules.
    Don't know how much it'll bend til it breaks.

  9. #219
    Senior Member toast's Avatar
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    I realize because I'm a very strong enfj who is currently closer than anyone else in the world to an istp, I tend to see us at two ends of a 'typology spectrum' in a sense of extremes. I know there is some truth to it though. I really feel like both ideals: "soul mate" for life; "play mate" for life are unrealistic in that relationships are emergent. They could feel like one of those for a period of time, and perhaps even on and off, but will never be either. my problem though is that i find meaning in dreams & pretense. I want to "play" soul mates for a time, because i am rational enough to see that the result of that would mean to me that we are in a sense, & then we would, by default be "play mates."

    The J in me 'expects' a relationship to have a bit of both, but in a sort of pattern. There's a butterfly phase then a comfort phase. I almost feel like, while less intense, its the Istps unwritten goal to do this backwards. This breeds too much insecurity for me, and perhaps anxiety & discomfort for him.

    I've actually heard him say he gets "butterflies" in retrospect, when he's feeling comfortable & secure about us. This friggen baffles me.
    ____________________________________________
    "In my soul rages a battle without victor. Between faith without proof and reason without charm." - Sully Prudhomme

  10. #220
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    Where do people get this idea that we are somehow not complete unless we are connected to another person? What are we? An electrical outlet waiting for a plug, so we can finally light up the world?

    Every time I hear the term "soul mate" I shudder. Each time one gets triggered with shenpa, were being asked to grow beyond our normal limiting beliefs and discover a deeper cavern of peace at the very core of our being.

    So in essense every one we encounter in life is a "soul mate." Most of our soul mates are idiots, and therefore our best teachers.

    sLiPpY's School of ISTP Zen is sojourn for the day.

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