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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by KDude View Post
    What he's really saying is that ISTP's are full of one-liners and abrasiveness. ;D

    My "F" says he means well.
    That along with a little piss n' vinegar too.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by lasdf23 View Post
    so you're saying friends with benefits can just be a strictly physical relationship to an ISTP then? (because it certainly won't be the case with me)
    Well, I can't really speak for other individuals. I've never gone looking for strictly physical relationships, but one night stands and other potential scenarios are simply part of the genetically programmed cycle.

    When a friend was in college they had "cheeseburger" girl, that would bring his buddy a cheeseburger just about every afternoon for him to munch on. While she polished the lollipop.

    My freshman year, there seemed to be an odd increase in the amount of female attention I was receiving. A group of females had some form of friendly competition/bet going on as to uh...well.

    Once I knew what was up, I had a lot of fun with that. Stricktly physical and the group of...had no idea I was onto their game. I wasn't friends with any of their boyfriends so, didn't feel any guilt at all.

    Lot's of things that happen in the late teens and early twenties, are more so driven by biology vs. whatever type of decorum we individually feel a need to assign. See things a whole lot differently now.

    ISTP's are funny creatures. For myself, I can't remember having had sex more than once with someone I wasn't really interested in...beyond a superficial level.
    Last edited by sLiPpY; 02-02-2010 at 11:37 PM.

  3. #13
    Senior Member Bamboo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sLiPpY View Post
    why does f* ckn' have to become so complicated?

    :pornstar:
    People are complicated. Especially when it comes to what they are looking for. And expectations from each other.

    Quote Originally Posted by lasdf23 View Post
    so you're saying friends with benefits can just be a strictly physical relationship to an ISTP then? (because it certainly won't be the case with me)
    Can be? Sure. Nothing about those four letters (ISTP, or whatever) suggests what he really wants in a relationship. You're going to find a variety of view points across different people who test as ISTP.

    Evaluate who he is based on who he is, not on some letters.
    Don't know how much it'll bend til it breaks.

  4. #14
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KDude View Post
    I want to know how easy it is for ISTPs to maintain a completely unemotional friends with benefits relationship. Also, what are the signs that he may be developing some feelings for me, and the signs that it's a completely casual thing?
    Bamboo had a really awesome post and the most important part of that was the last part where he said figure out what you want and need. Then figure out if he can give this to you.

    He sounds just as confused as you are. No doubt that there are emotions involved. No one can continuously bed someone and not grow fond of that person or build a rapport. I mean, that happens naturally. But how much do you want him to like you? When he says that he doesn't want a relationship - I'd believe that.

    If he says all kinds of sweet things when in bed - I'd be a little wary of putting faith in those things. It sounds like he's caught up in the moment and I wouldn't take that farther than a spontaneous expression of his feeling but not necessarily what he feels in the long run. Kind of like yelling, "Oh God!" doesn't mean someone is well versed in prayer.

    Good thing is you either have a friend or a fling out of it. Enjoy either way.
    ~luck favors the ready~


    Shameless Self-Promotion:MDP2525's Den and the Start of Motorcycle Maintenance

  5. #15
    Senior Member McRumi's Avatar
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    And an ISTP makes a much much much better friend than lover.

  6. #16
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Yup. We're used to that ending.
    ~luck favors the ready~


    Shameless Self-Promotion:MDP2525's Den and the Start of Motorcycle Maintenance

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by McRumi View Post
    And an ISTP makes a much much much better friend than lover.
    :-( That's very unfortunate to hear...

    Thank you everyone for such insightful comments on the situation. Honestly I myself don't know if I want a relationship right now or not. Maybe I just want some confirmation that he liked me too on an emotionally level, because what we have right now, the casualness, despite it being quite a fragile equilibrium, actually sits quite well with me (though never in a million years would I have guessed a goodie-too shoes self like me would be involved in a relationship like this).

    The story is actually a bit more complicated than what I initially posted, and I'm guessing it's appropriate time to add a little context to the that.

    I met him (let's call him M) and his housemates through a homework group, and ended up befriending all of them. M wasn't the one I interacted with the most (maybe because I act a little nervous around him), but I had always noticed that he was flirty with me (little body touches here and there). I am fairly attractive, so I'm used to guys wanting to go touchy-feely with me. Usually I cringe away for anything beyond a friendly hug (because I'm never comfortable with initiating physical flirtiness myself), but with him, everything seemed natural and his consistent forwardness was refreshing to me.

    We first hooked up when he invited me over to watch a movie with him. Guess I saw it coming, but we had so much fun together, the next morning I was the happiest I had been in a long time. He seemed to share that feeling too, constantly caressing me and wanting to hold me in his arms.

    But the situation soon got more complicated, because the guy that I got along with the most at the house (let's call him T for now), liked me a lot at that time. In fact, T had confessed his feelings for me before, but I only considered him as a good friend, and I told him no and we continued to act like best friends toward each other. So when it was out in the open that I was hooking up with M, T became extremely angry at me for "leading him on" and decided all the sudden that he no longer wanted anything to do with me.

    I lost a great friendship with T, and I had a hard time accepting that someone who used to be such a constant presence in my everyday life could all the sudden cut me out like that. On top of that, I found out that M had been involved in a relationship that ended quite tragically (neither of them wanted to break up but they were forced to), and he still did not seem to get over her after half a year. Though my gut feelings were otherwise, people kept telling me that M was just using me for sex, that I was his rebound, and that messed with me so much that I no longer knew who to trust. I still hung around the house a lot, but I was no longer my usual happy self with T ignoring me and feeling vulnerable and defensive against M. Maybe M took a notice of this, and at times he would go hot and cold on me (as I went hot and cold on him unintentially), though sometimes we would still hook up during the "hot" times.

    That emotionally tense situation (during which I barely talked to M) continued for a month or so (until only last week) when I finally could not take it anymore and dumped my feelings onto him. As stated in my initial post, his response was that I was somebody irreplaceable and chosen, but he does not want a relationship right now because of past experiences.

    Ever since then it was like a weight was lifted over me, and I am able to become my normal self again. I started talking more openly to M, to which he responded very positively, and we are now on very good terms with each other. We almost skipped the real "friendship" part and headed straight to friends with benefits, so taking a step back and learning more about each other is definitely a crucial thing in my opinion.

    There are some things that worry me though, such as how I should interpret his intentions if he all of the sudden went cold on me again? It seems like he's not very eager to respond to texts (he ignores my texts all the times). He's told me that he's not much of a texting person to begin with, so guess it's just a difference in communication style, I shouldn't be worried. But I do, sometimes, because I'm paranoid that he's going to go cold on me again..

    With such a bumpy start, my only path now is to be patient and see where this lands. I enjoy the casualness of our intimacy, but I cannot risk getting emotionally hurt again, especially if the other person has already made it clear that he doesn't want a relationship at this point.

    Starting this thread definitely provided a lot of clarity in the way I should handle this situation. Most notably it erased my fear that all along he had just been playing me and all he was ever after was sex. I think I'm at peace with this situation as long as I can be sure of that myself, and be patient as to where this would lead.

    I just wanted to say thank you again everybody for your help. By all means please don't let this thread die if you have anymore to contribute regarding friends with benefits situations.

    *p.s. sorry for the super long post!

  8. #18
    Senior Member McRumi's Avatar
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    We ISTPs are forever going cold and hot. We live in the moment. The best way to keep connected is to keep giving us problems to solve...and then lots of feedback...we are performers after all. I too hate texting and phone calls. I find emails to be the perfect medium. We ISTPs do not like high maintenance partners, esp emotionally high maintenance...even medium maintenance. If you need lots of emotional attention/affirmation, it's going to be difficult. Relationship with an ISTP is like living in an airport and the ISTP is a pilot..always flying off somewhere...but always returning and always ready for the next flight. The ISTP is in love with the flying, not another lover in some distant city. Most ENFJs cannot handle the ISTP emotional neglect /lack of constant attention. Most ISTPs cannot handle the ENFJ non-stop emoting. BUT...like politics, all love is local and cannot be reduced to type or formula.

  9. #19
    Junior Member Roach's Avatar
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    I like the airport explanation

  10. #20
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    Id prefer friends with benefits to a one night stand. Its better when the other person knows what you like, wants to experiment, etc. Why start back at square one everytime.

    It depends, friends with benefits would be more like if the desire arose you would proceed down that path and its an expression of "in the moment" feelings and it can get confused with long term feelings as someone else mentioned. Dont most relationships start out as friends with benefits? Dont most older people argue that you should be with a friend because when the "infatuation" stops you still need that friendship that holds you together through the rough times.

    I dont see any problems with friends with benefits unless one party starts reading into it being more then that and you have a conflict of interest and one starts pushing and the other pulls harder until one of you is forced to let go. If your intention all along was sex then yes I could see a problem as you may try to force the friendship.
    Im out, its been fun

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