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  1. #111
    Senior Member McRumi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ubiquitous1 View Post
    From my perspective, this "relationship" won't progress beyond FWB. I have been married to an ISTP for a long time and I have never seen his emotions intensify, they are what they are. In my experience, the intentions/feelings of my husband are seen in his actions, not his words. If your ISTP isnt doing things for you, I wouldnt expect any kind of commitment from him. While for me hanging out with a person could indicate a potential relationship, for him it is just hanging out and nothing more. Conversely, him fixing things means I love you and were in a relationship, while for me it just means I want to help you, not I love you. It was difficult for me to learn not view him or his actions through my NF perspective.
    Exactly.

  2. #112
    Senior Member ubiquitous1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lasdf23 View Post
    Fixing things? I told him I had a headache, he gives me medicine. I ask him for help with homework, he comes over and helps me with it. Do you mean those things? We're both college students, not necessarily living together or anything, so it's hard to find examples where he "fixes" things for me...
    I don't know, an ISTP would have to answer this for you. I can only offer my experience through my perspective. My ISTP decided I was the one within four months, and I never had to deal with the whole FWB thing. I dont remember him placing any caveats on our relationship and from the very beginning he seemed to take it quite seriously. So, since I have not dealt with an ISTP who wasn't ready to commit I will bow out of this discussion. Good Luck to you.

  3. #113
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    Quote Originally Posted by McRumi View Post
    If an ISTP sits next to you and says nothing but is otherwise ok, it usually means they like you a lot.
    I'd hope that's true... cause that's happened TONS of times. During that month of awkward tension when we barely talked, that seemed to be the case. I would show up and he would acknowledge my presence but then doesn't talk to me for the rest of the night or even sometimes take actions that could be taken as "avoidance" (like not being in the same room). That's the "cold" times of the hot and cold. Right now things are more on the "cold" side, and like I said earlier, he acknowledges my presence but doesn't really talk much. Our eyes meet frequently though..followed by quick turn of heads :-(

  4. #114
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    Quote Originally Posted by ubiquitous1 View Post
    I don't know, an ISTP would have to answer this for you. I can only offer my experience through my perspective. My ISTP decided I was the one within four months, and I never had to deal with the whole FWB thing. I dont remember him placing any caveats on our relationship and from the very beginning he seemed to take it quite seriously. So, since I have not dealt with an ISTP who wasn't ready to commit I will bow out of this discussion. Good Luck to you.
    In my life, there are people I meet where there's a very natural and automatic comfort zone. Perhaps a universal part of the human experience.

    It's nice when it works out like that.

  5. #115
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    Quote Originally Posted by lasdf23 View Post
    I'd hope that's true... cause that's happened TONS of times. During that month of awkward tension when we barely talked, that seemed to be the case. But again, sometimes I would show up and he would acknowledge my presence but then doesn't talk to me for the rest of the night. That's the "cold" times of the hot and cold. Right now things are more on the "cold" side, and like I said earlier, he acknowledges my presence but doesn't really talk much, and our eyes meet frequently..followed by quick turn of heads :-(
    Have you tried changing your demeanor towards him. For me this is usually in a downward spiral where both sides have attempted to make amends, but seem kinda iffy in the attempts and is more like a stalemate with feable attempts from both sides that just arent very noticable and dont get much of a response. Like our Fi are both stuck.
    Im out, its been fun

  6. #116
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    Quote Originally Posted by poki View Post
    Have you tried changing your demeanor towards him. For me this is usually in a downward spiral where both sides have attempted to make amends, but seem kinda iffy in the attempts and is more like a stalemate with feable attempts from both sides that just arent very noticable and dont get much of a response. Like our Fi are both stuck.
    Yeah I'm much more friendly towards him lately, so he does talk to me. The acknowledge presence but avoiding each other phase was a month ago. I naturally catch on to the general atmosphere of the group and mirror people's attitudes so when I felt like he was cold to me I would be cold to him too... I'm trying to get over that.

    What are some of the actions that I can take to convey to an ISTP that I care for him?

  7. #117
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    If the affair is strictly FWB, is there a need to show him you care? As an IXTP, that would be pushing the boundaries of that sort of relationship. I thought it was supposed to be a casual relationship, with no strings attached?

    I could have sworn my sex buddy was an EXFJ. When he wanted to cook dinner for me, I had to draw the line.
    Um, yeah.

  8. #118
    Senior Member McRumi's Avatar
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    I mean, look: you guys are young! Just see where it goes. Learn something from the experience. You've got ages of time ahead of you. Enjoy what is now. Stop picking at it and relax. Make a move or don't. Life won't end. Imagine you are 50 and looking back on these years...don't waste time over "what could or might be". Don't let life happen to you...make life dance to your tune. And if you're lucky...you'll find one or more great dance partners along the way.

    Cha, cha, cha!

  9. #119
    Senior Member mcmartinez84's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Charles Isaac View Post
    On that note-

    This other girl I was seeing that all of a sudden decided to stop right there and require a commitment because she decided she liked me too much. So she "shut me off"-then proceeded to sleep with a bunch of different guys she did not care about because it did not hurt her.
    (No, I'm not saying you will do that)

    So, in my mind, she did not require a commitment from these other guys, but it was required from me because she liked me? But I don't get what she's giving away because she liked me too much?? WTF??

    For several more years, she would still approach me and want a deep emotional relationship!

    In most ISTP minds, this does not compute and/or is not acceptable.

    There was no chance of emotional development after that behavior.

    So I pretty much just switched over to prostitutes until I found my wife, someone I could make a commitment to and stay with for the rest of my life. I was done putting up with the other Merry-Go-Round shit!

    Just sayin'.
    Obviously she wanted you to reciprocate those feelings she had for you. But if it was someone she didn't care about like that, then she didn't mind just having sex with them.

    Take that with a grain of salt. I've never had a fwb before.

    Quote Originally Posted by McRumi View Post
    I mean, look: you guys are young! Just see where it goes. Learn something from the experience. You've got ages of time ahead of you. Enjoy what is now. Stop picking at it and relax. Make a move or don't. Life won't end. Imagine you are 50 and looking back on these years...don't waste time over "what could or might be". Don't let life happen to you...make life dance to your tune. And if you're lucky...you'll find one or more great dance partners along the way.

    Cha, cha, cha!
    I've discovered recently that I like being the driver. I'm in much more control than if I just let things happen around me with occasional input on my part. Rather than wait around for people to do things, I get the ball rolling on my own. One example would be that I asked a guy out on a date a couple of months ago. "Hey, we're both attractive, single, 'bout the same age, he's an extrovert...why not?!" So I went with it. It only lasted the one date, but it was nice being in the driver's seat. When push comes to shove, the ball can always be in your own court. Grab another ball from the basket. Make up your own rules. It *is* your game, after all.

    McRumi's words right there are definitely some to live by.
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  10. #120
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ubiquitous1 View Post
    From my perspective, this "relationship" won't progress beyond FWB. I have been married to an ISTP for a long time and I have never seen his emotions intensify, they are what they are. In my experience, the intentions/feelings of my husband are seen in his actions, not his words. If your ISTP isnt doing things for you, I wouldnt expect any kind of commitment from him. While for me hanging out with a person could indicate a potential relationship, for him it is just hanging out and nothing more. Conversely, him fixing things means I love you and were in a relationship, while for me it just means I want to help you, not I love you. It was difficult for me to learn not view him or his actions through my NF perspective.


    This is interesting. So does that meant that NFs who are naturally inclined to help people, give the ISTP the sense that they love him/her even if that were not to be the case? And doesn't that get tiresome, aka, that you speak their language of love but they don't really communicate yours back to you? Not judging here, just curious..
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